TITLE: A Different Life: Without You
By Samuel Connelly
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I will be honest: There are times I've tried
to imagine myself in a different life:
A life without you
I dreamed of living in California-maybe
Huntington Beach, probably Orange County.
A small apartment, close to the beach.
I would work at a local coffee shop and
write and surf. I would sleep with the windows
open so I could smell the salt at night and
hopefully hear the crashing of the waves.
I would have my apartment decorated
in a surf, beach style, with shells and sandy
colors. I'd fill my wall space with poetry books,
and short fiction.
Every morning I'd go for a freezing dip in the
Pacific and I'd visit her again every evening.
When it came to life and purpose
and happiness- I'd feel that I was full.
And it is funny, Diane, because when I think
of all of that now- to choose that road instead
of answering my parents call, and coming here
to the place I met you...
It all sounds sad
I could love the ocean, but she could never
return it. And if she could, I am sure it could
not be as deep as yours.
Salt on the air and a cool breeze is not your warm,
loving body laying next to mine. Alone is alone
no mater how one dresses it up.
Sitting on the ocean, smiling at all her glory, that
stretches out forever, I can see her goddess like
fiery-golden smile when the sun is kissing her,
and she winks at me, but her smile does not warm
me like yours.
And all the poems and literature from history's
most prolific writers: turns out to be only scratches
of black ink on dead, thin paper leaves, harvested
from lifeless trees who, if living, could not
Now that I have met, loved, embraced, and made
my home with you everything else is, again,
beautiful and alive- real art, true poetry, living music.
So if you ever wondered if I ever thought about
my life without you: I have, and I never want to
think about it again
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