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TITLE: A play that needs a title
By C.E. Johnson

A play I am writing for an assignment in Playwriting. In the first draft, a few members of the class thought that Becky was still interested in Zane and was either lying about being engaged or was willing to dump her fiance for Zane.

I changed things around to try to show that she was not interested in Zane, but still cared for him as a person. So please let me know how their relationships work as well the relationship with the dad, and if it all sounds believable.

Recheck for typos, and if anything needs clarification or more detail. Other comments and crtis are welcome.

Oh, and don't send me messages, cuz I don't have the money to pay to be able to see what it says. So you can just put it in the critique, just use dashed lines or something to separate it.
(Curtains open, and reveal a stage with a little waiting area where chairs sit together. Offstage is where the trains are as they come and go.
(Curtains open, and reveal a stage with a little waiting area where chairs sit together. Offstage is where the trains are as they come and go.
A man is sitting on a chair, leaning all the way against it with his head tilted toward the ceiling.
The blues is playing softly on the radio.)

(Looking at the radio playing the blues.)
Man, isnít that appropriate. Itís like the DJs know what Iím feeling. But in this small town, it wouldnít surprise me if they did.
(Takes out a train ticket and kisses it.)
Rio, youíre my last chance, baby, donít let me downÖ
(Looks around nervously)
I hope no one here recognizes me, the last thing I need is someone guilt trippin me cuz of what I did years ago...though I suppose I would deserve it...how I treated my family...but they deserved it! Well, not my mom, she always loved me...was the only one who cared about me and comforted me when I was sad...How I miss her...I wish she hadnít died...I would rather have died before her than have her die before me...
(Sighs sadly.(He stands up quickly, and
walks around angrily. He stops after a
while and stands in once place and
takes deep breathes. The noise of an
incoming train is heard and ZANE looks
to the ground, hoping that no one will
recognize him. The trains stops and
people walk across the stage. BECKY
MARY enter stage right and MARY sees

Hey, isnít that Zane, Becky.
(Walks over to Zane, and looks at him)
Is that you, Zane? It is, isnít!

Oh great, itís Mary and Becky.

What do you want?

Youíre Zane Amberdene, arenít you?

What if I am?

Well, this is a hoot. Are you in town for Beckyís wedding.
Itís this Saturday. Did she invite you? I know she basically invited everyone from the senior year of high school, and I heard you two used to date...


That was years ago.

Well I did say, ďused toĒ.

Donít worry about it, Mary. I didnít invite him.
(Turns to ZANE)
You are welcome to come if you want...

No, thatís ok. Iím just passing through.

Well at least you came through this way. Did you give your Dad a call?

No, why should I?

Because Iím sure he would love to hear from you. Parents usually do.

He dosenít give a fig for me. You know my father only cares for Adam! Heíd always be praising him and yellin at me! And it only got worse when I became older. He would set strict rules with me, but Adam got to do whatever he wanted to do. He was even going to give Adam- (Stops abruptly)

Give him what?

(Turns his back on BECKY, and holds
back his tears and rage.)

(Hands ZANE a card)
Iím here for you if you need to talk to someone.

(Looks at the card.)
Youíre a shrink?
More of a family councilor than your average psychiatrist. Iíll give you a discount since youíre a friend.

Friend? Since when did you forgive me for dumping you on Valentineís Day?

The same day. I was just so hurt I couldnít tell you right away. I needed some time to heal and some time to myself, and by the time I was able to bring it up, you were gone. Iím sorry if I have caused you any pain by not telling you sooner.
Why are you giving me a discount though? Isnít that illegal or something?
Silly...She gives the offers for all her friends and family, and she runs her own business, so can she give a discount.

Yes, and thereís nothing like reconciling with family members. Why donít you go back home-?

(Interrupting her)
Thereís no way Iím going back there! They would never take me back sinceÖ


Since what?

What do you mean since what? Iím sure the whole town knows what.

Alls what we know is that you left one day and thatís it.

I knew it! They are ashamed of me! They couldnít even tell one single person outside the family! They had to keep it a family secret!

What happened?

I got sick of living with them in this no-where town. So I asked my dad for my inheritance in advance since I thought that Iíd never be coming back for it.

You didnít!
Whatís the big deal? Itís just money, and it would spare me the inconvenience of seeing my family again.

By asking your dad for your inheritance, you basically told him that you wish he was dead! That you only care about the money and not about him!

Yea, so? Itís not like he loves me or anything.

Oh Zane...Even after that, Iím sure he does.
(BECKYís alarm on her watch goes off.)
I have to go. I have an appointment. Call me if you need someone to talk to.
(BECKY and MARY exit stage left.)

If what I did really meant that, I wonder if Dad really would still love me.
(Looks up at the ceiling.)
I wanted him to love me...and still do...Dad, why couldnít you have given me that jacket? Didnít you know it meant so much to meÖ? More than it could ever mean to Adam... I can still remember that night when I overheard the phone conversation.
(Lights dim.)

(Off stage, his voice is soft)
Did you get my jacket refitted? Good. That is one of my most prized possessions. My father gave that to me a few days before he died, so I want it to be in the best condition. Hmm? Yes, that rumor is true. He used some of his favorite lambs to make me that jacket so I wouldnít freeze during that winter-you know the one where it was below zero for at least two weeks and the weather reports were telling everyone that the snow would come in force and pile up as high as a mountain. Yes, yesÖ Iím babbling again...Itís just when I think of the jacket and what my dad did to make it for me...well, it just means a lot. Yes, uh-huh, yes I will tell him. I see, yes, I think Adam will like it. Huh, Zane? No, heís not that kind of boy. Uh-huh, yes...It is a shame isnít it? Yes, I agree.

(Lights go back to normal to reveal Zane wiping his eyes with his sleeve.)

His voice...the whole scene...itís as fresh as if it was just yesterday...That jacket was my favorite...When I was still a little boy, my mom would wrap me up in that jacket at night and sing to me until I fell asleep. Itís all that I have to really remember her...She died before I was ten. After that, I started to notice Dadís favoritism toward Adam. He would suck up to Dad by doing little deeds around the house, and Dad would praise and thank him like there was no tomorrow. All Dad ever did to me was scold me and never let me have any fun. I couldnít even go out on Saturday nights one month. But the jacket was the last straw. Adam never even glanced at it, and he was the one that ended up getting it.
(Punches the air).
It ticked me off, still does! The next day I demanded my inheritance early, and stormed off with it. I went off to Las Vegas, bought me a house and lived there. The gambling, the girls, the alcohol...It all seemed so grand...
(Shakes his head)
But it was those exact things that cost me the most. That horrible night...if only I hadnít so wasted...I wouldíve known better than to pick a fight with the some chickís boyfriend, I won the fight, but lost nearly everything in that lawsuit. I had to sell nearly everything I had. I tried to get a job there but no one wanted me. Fortunately, I was able to pawn some stuff to get a taxi ride here and a ticket to Rio- theyíll take anybody.
Though I guess if I had to be honest, I was hoping that if I came here...Dad would take me back and help me out...Thatís why I chose this station...But after what Becky said...I...I...donít think he ever would...Alls what I have is Rio...

Sorry to interrupt your blues folks, but I have just been informed that all transportation to Rio has been cut off due to the rioting.
(ZANE quietly drops his hands and turns toward the radio.)
The riots are caused by the majority of the cityís citizens once they found out what the main business in the city were heading overseas to reduce their costs. The rage of the residents spread fast and deadly like wild fires in California. All business has been closed until the riots stop.
(The noise of an incoming train is
heard people walk across the stage.
FATHER enters stage right and sees

(Sees ZANE.)
Zane! Is that you?
(Goes over and looks at ZANE, and ZANE looks away.)
It is you! My son! My son!
(Gives ZANE a big bear hug.)
I heard you were back in town and that you would be coming to the station! So I got the earliest train back...

(Not sure how to take his fatherís reaction)
I was on my way to Rio for a possible job.

(Softly and gently)
By your expression I guess you heard what happened.

Is it really that bad?

Tensions have been high there for the past few years. Now with business demanding that their employees teach their replacements how to do their job.

Rio has let me down...but I wonder if my father can find me a place at his business, he does run it after all...

So how is your business doing in all of this economical stress?

Itís been hard. Weíve been hit with financial problems too, but I refuse to go overseas for cheaper labor. The people here need money to support themselves, and I canít let them down. So I managed to find a way to not downsize and still make a profit. It wasnít easy though.

(Quietly to himself)
It doesnít look like there is a place for me to work after all. Not in Rio or at my fatherís company. What should I do?

You know, you are always welcome to stay here until you get back on your feet again, son. And I can find a position for you at my business. Nothing glamorous or high paying, but itís something. That is if you want to.
(FATHERíS phone rings, he answers.)
Youíre here? Great! Just a second! The delivery boy told me he would call when he would get here. Hold on just a second. I have something for you.
(He exits the stage then comes back with a wrapped box, and hands it to Zane.)
I called him on the phone while I was on the train. I told him to come here as fast as possible since I had to catch you before you left...I wanted to give it to you in person.

(Opens it, and takes out the lambskin jacket)
This is...your jacket...

Itís yours now.

(Hand it back to him)
Why, because Adam didnít want it?

Adam? What does he have to do about this?

The night before I left, I heard you talking on the phone. About how you were gonna give it to him, and how it was a shame that I was not like him!

(Thinks for a bit)
I remember that conversation. Bill, had gotten Adam into the hog wrestling contest, and he wanted to know if you were interested. I told him that you werenít into that.

So that made you say ďIt is a shame isnít it?Ē For not wanting to play with pigs?

He had mentioned about how his daughter and her friends were into old country entertainment, and that it was a shame you wouldnít be there to meet them. He said it would have been nice if sparks flew for the friend and you, and I said, yes, I agree. I knew that you and Becky had a fight a few months back-though I donít know what about, but I thought it might be good for you to go out and see if they were any good for you-you know to see if they were your type. I just want you to find the right woman for you, son. One that makes you happy and gives you love. It doesnít matter if sheís into pigs or not. I just want you to be hog-wild about her.
(Chuckles and softly says)
Sorry, I couldnít resist

But all those times you yelled at me, and praised him...

You were a rascal, son, and got into all sorts of mischief. Adam, he was more laid back than you, and never was interested in that stuff. He tended to learn from you and your mistakes. He See where you got in trouble, and decided he was not going to do that. Instead, he helped around the house every now and then, and yes we did thank him for that. We would have done it for you too.
(Looks at the jacket)
Why did you want to give me this?

I remember when you were a little boy and when you were sad; you would come in all teary eyed and snifflin. Ma would bake up some cookies, and I would wrap you up in it, and you would just gently fall asleep in it. I also knew it meant a lot to you. How Ma would wrap you up in it...I would have sent it to you, but you never gave me your address...And when you didnít show up I thought something horrible happened to you or you died...
(FATHER wipes tears from his eyes.)
I was so worried. I was half-way tempted to send out a private investigator to go out and search for you, but I would have no idea where to start the search. I did call all your friends and ask if they knew, but they said they hadnít a clue.

Yeah... I hadnít talked to them since the day I left...

And then today, when I got the phone call...They told me they found you. I was so afraid that you were dead and there was confirmation of it, that I was wanted to hang-up. But then they said that you were in town, and were at the train station. I told everyone at the business meeting that it would have to wait, and rushed over to the train station, and well...you know the rest...

(In disbelief)
You broke off a business meeting to come see me? Even with all the financial troubles itís having, you broke it off to come and see me?

Son, I would die for you, donít you know that?
(He takes the jacket, and wraps it around his sonís shoulders. ZANE starts crying softly and quietly, and FATHER hugs him gently.)
Wonít you come back home, son?

(Looks at his dad and smiles)
I thought you would never ask.

(Curtain falls)
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