Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
THE CRITIQUE CIRCLE

BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE

INSTRUCTIONS
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE

CRITIQUE GUIDELINES

CRITIQUE TIPS

HELP TOUR

It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:

1) Post your first piece.

2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.

3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.

4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



HUMOR


TITLE: Wonderfully Worthless? Inventions (Don't Call Now)
By Jacob Gibson
05/11/08
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 SEND ARTICLE TO A FRIEND

Awhile ago I had 2 ideas for funny infomercial products and thought they were worth sharing with you. I thought of 1 more to go with them to make this longer. It's very likely that I got this idea from the McGee & Me show I loved so much, like when McGee advertised a truck called a Shimmy that fell apart while he drove it up a mountain and went off a cliff at the end. lol I also should mention that I also stole the phrase "Don't Call Now" from McGee & Me.

You'll never see these on TV and for good reason! :)
Attention all living people!! G*Works Productions is proud to announce a new line of revolutionary products that you are sure to love! Stay tuned and find out how you can get these great deals that will change your life forever!

ITEM 1: It’s finally here!! What everyone on Earth has has hoped and dreamed for! The Big G/Little G miracle diet pill! Simply take one pill with water every time you gain too much weight and presto! Lose up to 50 pounds instantly in one week!

*before and after picturtes of extremely heavy people*

No more boring and painful exercises. No more tormenting diets. No more worrying about commitment, making good choices and self-control! One pill can give you the body you’ve always wanted!

*clips of skinny people eating burgers and ice cream like slobs and smiling*

The Gg-xx will give women the slim body that all men supposedly can’t resist! The Gg-xy will give men the big and buff body that all women will fall and die for! Is it a dream? No, it’s a dream come true! For only 5 easy payments of $20, or 4 easy payments of $25, or 10 easy payments of $10! Don’t wait any longer to lose that stubborn weight! Call now!!!

(Possiblesideaffectsincludeheadaches,drowsiness,nausea,vomiting,acne,itchiness,
burping,hairloss,tasteloss,autism,cancer,andearlydeath.
Donottakeifyouhavehighbloodpressure,arenursing,pregnant,maybecomepregnant,havebeenpregant,
arethinkingaboutbecomingpregant,orareallergictoanything.
Ask you doctor before taking it.)

ITEM 2: Why is it always so hard to understand what your spouse is saying to you? Why can’t they just speak in normal English like God intended? If you’re one of these people, have we got a product for you! Introducing the Give-it-to-me-straight spouse translator! Simply hook it up to your ears and mouth and like magic you’ll finally understand what they’re actually trying to say.

Wife: “Honey, do these pants make me look fat?”
Translator: “Honey, I’ve worked hard to look good for you and need to hear you tell me I’m beautiful. If you say I look fine, you’ll disappoint me. If you say ‘Yes’ you’ll never hear the end of it.”

Wife: “Sweetie, are you sure you know where you’re going? Maybe you should ask for directions.”
Husband: “No, I know where we are and how to get there. Don’t worry.”
Translation: “I love a good challenge and stopping for directions will ruin the fun. Besides, it sounds like you think I don’t know what I’m doing which sounds disrespectful to me. Just trust me and let me try. I’ll ask for directions as a last restort.”

(Productmaynotalwaystranslatecorrectlyandmaygivewronganswersthatcouldleadtolongbickeringandhurtfeelings.)

ITEM 3: You talk to your friends and family about Jesus. You pray for them to receive salvation but they don’t seem to listen. What do you do? Here’s the answer: the Jesus Freak Conversion Crossbow! Simply load an arrow into the bow, aim at your unsaved friend's heart, and release! Insantly your unsaved friend will be a Christian!

*people are hit and then say things like “I believe in Jesus! Hallelujah!” and “Forgive me Lord! I’m a sinner and I need you.” and “He is alive! Praise the Lord I saw the light!”*

Using the same amazing technology as Cupid’s arrow, this device can work on anyone at any time! Agnostics, atheists, buddhists, evolutionists, hindus, jehovah’s witnesses, jews, gentiles, mormons, muslims, new agers, satanists, wiccans... no one is safe from salvation! Comes loaded with the best apologetics, hours of personal testimonies, and Billy Grahm’s most convicting sermons. Everyone needs Jesus, so why wouldn’t you get this? Order now!

(SideaffectsofarrowsincludesuddendisinterestinChristianityorextremeanddangerousfanaticism)

Don’t wait for these fantastic and mind-boggling offers! Call right now!

Proverbs 21:5
-----

[My brain works like lightning: sometimes it scares myself and others.]

Idea for fun: You’re driving to work and all of a sudden you’re stopped by a train. Oh no! Looks like you’re going to be late to work again and probably lose your job. Is there any hope? Now there is! The Time Saver train arch is an exciting new invention that extremely conventient and free for everyone! *cough your tax money cough* At the half way point of the train, a very wide rectangular arch is connected between two of the cars with plenty of space between it. All you have to do is drive fast enough and you can pass THROUGH the train and get to your job on time! No more annoying patience and planning ahead! This window of opportunity is very conventient and much safer than the previously made train ramp. For all to enjoy!

(Wemakenoguaranteethatallwillsafelypassthroughandcannotbeheldresponsibleforanyaccidents.
Pleaseuseatyourownrisk.)
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
YOUR CREDITS

LOGIN HERE




REMINDER:

REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.

VIEWING CRITIQUES:

To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.