TITLE: On Both Counts
By Kristina Newby
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I saw them. I saw the guilty pleasure on their faces when they hadn't expected me to turn. I heard them. I heard the whispers and giggles as I walked past or tried to find an available seat on the half empty school bus. And yes, I felt it. I felt them trying to knock down my books, again, as I navigated the crowded hallways.
"Please Lord, just help me keep it together. With you I can make it to my next class". I should have said that, but I didn't. All too often I failed... on both counts.
They accept me. I know you think they are going to bring me down. I know some of the things they do may not seem right, but they accept me and I like them. I don't have to do all of the bad things they do. They like me for who I am, how can I give that up?
"Please Lord, help me to make wise decisions in the company I keep. With you I can avoid the relationships that will cause me harm." I should have said that, but I didn't. All too often I failed... on both counts.
He loves me. Of course, you think he's not the right one, but he really loves me and I love him. So big and strong, he makes me feel safe. You should see how he protects me when we're together. He doesn't want to lose me to another man. We're getting married in a few weeks. Please be happy for me.
"Please Lord, be my protector, my shield, my confidant. With you I know I can grow in confidence and security." I should have said that, but I didn't. All too often I failed... on both counts.
It was an accident, really. I shouldn't have made him so angry. He says it won't happen again. He loves me so much. Even God believes in second chances, right?
"Please Lord, be the lamp to my feet and the light upon my path. With you I know I can live a happy and meaningful life." I should have said that, but I didn't. All too often I failed... on both counts.
It seems only moments passed as the anger, fear and pain gave way to lights and this incessant beeping. If only I had listened, asked for help. "Don't cry Mom. Really, it doesn't hurt so bad".
"Please Lord, I should have come to you. Forgive me for not trusting you earlier. I know I don't have much time left." I said that, I did. This time, I was right... on both counts.
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