TITLE: So You Wanna Go Back To Egypt
By Shaun Stevenson
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- The target age would be around first to sixth grade.
-A skit about four Israelites who have left Egypt for the Promised Land with a western twist.
-Focuses on themes of complaining, no compromise, and living for God.
-Two male parts; two female parts.
<I>(all enter, Wilma Jane, Allie Mae, and Moe look tired; Bob looks happy)</I>
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> Finally, we get to sit and rest for a minute! <I>(pauses and then looks disgusted)</I> You know what I'm sick of?
<B>Allie Mae:</B> What now? Can't you ever stop complaining?
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> I'm sick of all this walking, all this stupid circling around the wilderness. When are we gonna get to this Promised Land that Moses keeps gabbin' about?
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Wilma Jane...
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> <I>(shouting)</I> Give me the pyramids! Give me leeks! Give me onions! Give me the Nile! Give me a llama!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Will you shush yourself up for a moment? I'm sick of listening you be sick of everything, and if you keep shouting like that, old Moses is gonna ask God to open up another pit!
<B>Moe:</B> I's seen that with me own eyes! Big ole hole opened right up and sucked in all them peoples!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Moe! Shush! I don't like hearing you talk!
<B>Moe:</B> What all else is there to be doin', sides talkin'? There's nothin' to do but walk round and round!
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> And my feet are hot! This desert sand is scorching hot! Oh, what I wouldn't do for a camel!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Wilma Jane! Stop it! Moses is gonna-
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> Oh, Moses! He thinks he's such a big shot! That holy cat Moses doesn't have to walk around with the rest of us. He just sits around and writes the Bible!
<B>Moe:</B> Yeah, Moses ain't no walker. Just a sitter.
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Well, Wilma Jane, you know what I'm sick of?
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> And what have you got to complain about?
<B>Allie Mae:</B> That stinkin' manna junk! If I have to eat even one more little crumb of manna, I'm gonna scream!
<B>Moe:</B> Hey! I like manna! Lots o' grub ya can make from the stuff.
<B>Allie Mae:</B> <I>(glares at Moe)</I> Oh shush up!
<B>Moe:</B> Sorries. Just sayin' you could make lots 'o stuff from manna.
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> Like what?
<B>Moe:</B> Oh, manna waffles.
<B>Allie Mae:</B> <I>(glares ahead)</I> I just don't see why we have to come this way to get to the Promised Land. Too bad they ain't got none of those teleporters thingys so we could say, “Beam me up, Scottie”, and zap over to the Promised Land.
<B>Moe:</B> <I>(mumbling)</I> Or you can make manna bagels...
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> <I>(gives Allie Mae a look)</I> What are you talking about? There ain't no such thing as a teleporting beam! Bunch of nonsense...
<B>Moe:</B> Manna burgers!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Moe! For the last time! Shush!
<B>Bob:</B> Guys, why do you keep complaining?
<B>Moe:</B> Maybe I'lls be makin'.... fillet of manna!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Look around, Bob! It isn't exactly peaches and cream out here in the desert!
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> Oh, my life is so on the skids! This is a downhill turn for me. I wish I could just go back to Egypt!
<B>Bob:</B> So you wanna go back to Egypt?
<B>Moe:</B> I could make... um... ba-manna bread!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> <I>(reaching out to Egypt)</I> Oh! Egypt! Life was so much better then! Give me the pyramids!
<B>Bob:</B> Look, you two... God brought us out of Egypt to get to the Promised Land, and there's only one way to get there, through this desert. And Egypt was horrible! I don't know why you wanna go back there! We were slaves!
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> We were not slaves! I... uh... (pauses) I guess we were.
<B>Bob:</B> Yeah, you could go back to Egypt, throw a big party and invite all those Egyptians to it. I'm sure they'll love to put you back to work at the pyramids.
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Oh! The pyramids!
<B>Moe:</B> Maybe... maybe... manna patties...?
<B>Bob:</B> Have you guys forgotten how God saved us from Egypt?
<B>Allie Mae and Wilma Jane:</B> <I>(exchange a glance)</I>
<B>Bob:</B> Remember how bad it was? We were slaves to Egypt! But now, God rescued us, and we accepted His rescue. We bought a one-way ticket out of Egypt, and now you two are talking about going back? You can't! Once you've started on this journey, there's no turning back. No more pyramids.
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> I think you're right.
<B>Bob:</B> I'm just telling you what the Bible says. No compromise. You can't go back to the old ways you used to live. It's either God's way or the highway. And the highway leads only to hell.
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> Boy, I've been stupid. So what should we do?
<B>Bob:</B> Just ask God to forgive you for your bad attitudes and then ask Him to help you live for Him.
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Let's do it right now! <I>(prays)</I> Dear God, Sorry I've had such a bad attitude. Please me forgive me.
<B>Wilma Jane:</B> Me too, God. I'm sorry. Help us to do the right thing and not turn back to the old ways by complaining and stuff. Amen!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Amen!
<B>Moe:</B> Amen! Hey! Look up! There's all these birdies flappin' round up there! Quail! They be quail! We ain't just eatin' manna no more! Quail! Oh! Wow! Now I can make quail burgers on manna patties... I can make quail meat loaf. I can make... ooo! Wow! Tons o' ideas just popped in my head!
<B>Allie Mae:</B> Well, looks like the whole caravan is moving again. Let's go, guys! <I>(everyone exits)</I>
(C)2005 by Shaun Stevenson
<I>If you would like to perform this skit, you have full permission to make copies for the cast. My only request is that you e-mail me and let me know how it went and if it worked well for the audience. Contact me through my e-mail: <B>email@example.com</B><I>
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