“Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him...” That’s just the problem, I don’t understand Him. If He were a human like my parents or my sisters, I’d know what to expect: some good, some not so good, but at least I would know what I am dealing with. But He’s not a part of this sin/error prone planet, so I don’t have a darn clue what to expect. And that is really scary. Some perfect Personality millions of miles away will intrude into my life and do God only knows what!
And I can’t see You, or hear You or get a spoken answer from You, so what do I do? Every where I go, even the best things are tainted with evil, the kindest people have a faint dark side. And my dark side ain’t always so faint.
So where are You, and how do I get to know You? How do I meet, or communicate with You? Oh, I talked to You a lot as a kid, felt better for it. Had some miraculous answers to prayer. But that was before the betrayals, before the terrifying childhood memories, and before I let the frozen feelings unthaw. The frozen feelings came out like a tidal wave of overwhelming pain, shame, and fear.
Where are You tonight, at 8:24 Eastern Standard Time in Cleveland, Tenn? Are You thinking about me, because I am thinking of You? And how would I know if You were thinking of me? You’d send an angel to tell me, right? And if You did, I’d faint!
It would take a satellite traveling 14,000 MPH over 30,000 years to reach the nearest star, and You have time for me? “The God of my understanding...” I certainly do not understand it...it is way too big for me.
So I came, I came to, I came to believe...that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. GOD, Sir, would You please take a look at my life now and then as You have a moment, and help me out a little, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble? I’d appreciate that a lot. Thanks, and You have a nice day, too. Good bye.
P.S. And God, if You would, it doesn’t have to be anything big or great, like an immaculate conception, or a star, or wisemen, but if You would plant just a seed of hope in my heart this December, and let it grow with some love from on high, I’d be forever grateful...I really would...and thanks so much.........David
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This seems edgy to me... but I would say I've been there/ am there. The Bible says over and over that God is really "into" us... Lately I have prayed for Him to make that click with me. Somehow it doesn't all the time.
Oh, I like this! Very honest, and a great voice. Much to ponder.