AP Rome, November 12 - A shocking event occurred at the Basilica in Rome today. Local officials said there had never been an experience like this. Jesus, the so-called “evangelist of Las Vegas” swept into the Basilica like a tornado this morning, scattering the pilgrims, worshipers, priests and Vatican personnel. He was reportedly shouting something about “reverence... the house of the LORD.” A bystander from Paris said she had never been so angry in her life - to have her holy service disrupted by a “wild-eyed fanatic from the loony bin,” as she put it. Vatican officials had no immediate comment, but sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity, stated the Holy See was considering pressing charges. Another worshiper from Naples said he was saying prayers in the Gregorian Chapel when suddenly a mob of people came barging up shouting, “run, run, get out of here!” Because of the hysteria, he thought there may have been a gunman, so he ran for his life. Luckily, it was only a “madman” as a Franciscan was quoted as saying. After causing this scandalous event, Jesus himself fled the scene of his bizarre behavior. It was total pandemonium for a few hours, but things were pretty much back to normal by 2:00 pm, according to sources. This is just the latest in a string of unusual events and amazing incidents that seem to follow wherever this controversial preacher goes.
CNN Rome, November 12 - After the scare at the Vatican earlier today, Catholics are asking themselves what this world is coming to. Allegedly, Jesus of Las Vegas caused another stir as he charged into St. Peters Basilica and frightened the worshipers nearly to death. Reliable witnesses claim that he started shouting, calling the worshipers “thieves” and saying they were “greedy.” He was the one who caused a big scene, but he accused them of not showing reverence! Naturally, the pilgrims fled in panic...concerned for their lives. The entire Basilica emptied out as bullied victims ran to escape the tirade. Naturally, Jesus slipped out and away before security forces could apprehend him. Later, Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro Valls commented about the sad rise in religious bigotry and intolerance. “What kind of man would do such a thing,” he asked hypothetically? “Perhaps we need to consider better security - it’s a terrible day when we have to think about less access because of the actions of a few. And this man claimed to be a believer!”
THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER:
VATICAN RAMPAGE! CRAZY! UNBELIEVABLE! Is what witnesses are saying about the latest incident involving Jesus of Las Vegas. “He’s off his rocker!” a woman from New Jersey said after the incident. She saw the whole thing unfold from the rear of the Basilica. “A man like this should never be loose on the streets,” Mrs. Holmes was quoted as saying. “There are people in the mental ward who are more stable than he is! He came in this place of worship like he owned the place - trying to tell us what to do. Who does he think he is - God, or something?”
It all started a little past 9:20 when pilgrims allege that Jesus came through the Door of the Sacraments and into the Nave. He was accompanied by his dozen or so “friends” who more or less follow wherever he goes. There is a little confusion about the next events, but many witnesses claim that Jesus used some type of subterfuge to appear powerful and overbearing. They say he seemed to have a sort of light or radiance about him as he glared at the worshipers. Then he slandered the believers by calling them “thieves” and “robbers.” He insulted the priests by labeling them as “greedy.” Jesus also apparently picked up some rope and lashed out at the priests, perhaps trying to injure them. Needless to say, the Nave emptied quickly with a man like that on the loose. People were frightened for their lives!
Mr. Dobroslaw said, “Blessed Mother of Mary! He is a crazy man! Delusional people like he is should be kept out of public places! We have a right to be safe, and to worship the Saints in peace! I hope no one else ever has to experience something like that! We really do need better security in this day and age.” Mr. Capannelle, from Milan agreed, saying “Why should we have to put up with lunatics in the Vatican? My heart is still racing. Crazy foreigners should be kept out of the holy places. With all the terrorists out there, maybe we shouldn’t let Protestants into St. Peters! I don’t ever want to see a day like this again!”
From Heaven’s Perspective:
Heaven was heartbroken that Israel was so deceived, so willingly blind. John the Baptist was sent to stir up the nation with sharp messages and stern words. As the people began to stir from their lethargy, Jesus arrived to give the perfect example of true religion. Christ, the perfect Lamb, came to the sanctuary, bringing Himself. Since our body is a temple, Jesus had the perfect Temple, being sinless. He came to the temple to announce His mission - that of cleansing the world and it’s people of defilement. Thus the first miracle Jesus performed in Jerusalem was to cleanse the temple. The sanctuary was the very foundation of Jewish life and religion, and the spiritual condition of Israel was sick in Jesus’ day. So as usual, Christ went to the source of the problem. He drove the priests and money changers out of the temple. It wasn’t just the corrupt merchants with their kick-backs to the priests, that was wrong. The main problem was an attitude and theology that thought this corruption was ok. The priests were to represent Jehovah to the people. They were to show the world His great and merciful love - His compassion and forgiveness. They had a solemn duty to reverence God and His house. Their mission was not to enrich themselves at the expense of the people, but to benefit the world by revealing Yahweh’s great love to humanity. They were ordained to serve, not to be served. They were to represent the interests of the Most High and His people.
As we individually are the temple of God, so Christ wishes to drive out any worldliness, selfishness or distractions in our lives. No one else has the power, but Jesus can and will. He shed His blood for us, and He desires nothing more than that we will accept the sacrifice made in our behalf.
What if Jesus came to our denomination, to our church, to our house - what would His reaction be? Would He find corruption, selfishness or other issues that keep His glory out? Or would He say, like He did to Nathaniel, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!” (John 1: 47 NKJV) Would He chase out the worldliness - condemning the apathy and unrighteousness?
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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