The Pain of Miscarriage
by Nicki Jeffery
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“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.” 3 John 2
When faced with the prospect of miscarriage, my soul was in anguish. I thought I was 11 weeks pregnant [first pregnancy] and was blissfully unaware that anything might be wrong. I had a few symptoms of pregnancy, not including nausea or morning sickness of any kind. I felt great.
The spotting and staining started on Friday, and by Sunday I was bleeding. Monday morning’s ultrasound scan was inconclusive. There was a gestational sac with a tiny yolk sac inside. No baby. No heartbeat. I was told my dates could be wrong, or …
I had a blood test and saw a doctor. The plan was to have another ultrasound and blood test in a week’s time. But we didn’t get that far.
Tuesday was the worst day of my life. I woke up early morning with the beginning of cramps. The bleeding had gotten heavier. My husband, Nathan, came home from work and raced me to the surgery. The doctor suspected a blighted ovum, meaning the chromosomes never matched up even though sperm fertilised the egg. She said God is in control and the hard thing is to have to wait for His plan to be revealed.
Back home, the heavy bleeding continued and the cramps became like contractions, three minutes apart. I also passed a couple of clots. A Wednesday blood test revealed that the pregnancy hormone had decreased and I had miscarried.
The hope in my heart was lost when the results were final. Nathan and I believed for a miracle. We prayed and praised our great God throughout our trial. But the baby didn’t grow. Was it ever a baby?
Have you faced a miscarriage? Has your excitement turned to dismay, your joy to pain?
Isaiah 61:2-3 says, “…To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
Even though I was in pain, I could pray. I could choose to worship my God and know He is always with me.
It is easy to feel angry with the Lord for not changing your situation. For not giving you the outcome you fervently desire. For not instantly taking away the pain.
I highly recommend Nerida Walker’s book, “God’s Plan for Pregnancy”. Her ministry has helped many women, including myself. Nerida spoke on the phone to me and prayed for my pregnancy. The teaching in her book is straight from the Word of God and there are many encouraging testimonies. There are lessons in prayer and believing in faith for God to perform His Word.
I felt disappointed. My husband and I had planned to have a baby this year, and now that dream is dashed. We won’t be cradling our own bundle of joy in our arms this Christmas. We hope to be pregnant, but we must wait.
I am 30 years of age and married when I was 28, turning 29. For us, a child in our early or mid twenties was an impossibility. I nursed the pain of singleness, and now I nurse the pain of miscarriage.
Sister, God knows the desires of your heart. Stand on His promises. “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry.” [Psalm 34:15] “May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfil all your purpose.” [Psalm 20:4].
God knows the pain in your heart. He, too, has suffered the loss of a child, His Son, Jesus Christ. Our pastor reminded us of this as he prayed over us in our home. And we know Jesus understands and went to the cross for all sickness, sorrow and sin [Isaiah 53].
I long to comprehend why it seems sometimes that my prayers don’t work. Why I don’t get healed or my baby doesn’t live or I see others suffer. These are the questions we will get to ask God one day.
For now, I am grateful for God’s Word and His promises. I’m grateful for the family and friends that supported me during my trial. And I’m thankful in advance for my children, yet to be conceived and yet to be born. God knows and loves them. I look forward to the day when He entrusts them to my womb and my arms.
A Christian brother sent us an email saying, “No matter what, trust God with everything and in the long term, everything will turn out better than anything you could imagine.” One of my favourite Bible verses is Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
It is difficult to see the good in a miscarriage, except that bearing a child who is physically or intellectually challenged is heart wrenching. For some of you, this may be your reality.
Praise God, He is sovereign, and it is not His will for us to suffer or for any man to perish [2 Peter 3:9]. May your trials draw you closer to the Almighty. He is love, He is life and He is your refuge.
I pray you will have children if that is your desire. I pray that God will open your womb as He did for Rachel and many other women in the Bible. I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers [3 John 2].
I have been searching scripture so that I can pray the Word and will of God over my body, my future children and my situation. Why don’t you join me?
• Lord, please open my womb. “Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb.” Genesis 30:22.
• Bring my children, yet to be conceived, forth out of my womb. “…You brought me out of the womb.” Job 10:18.
• Make my children perfectly in the womb. “Did not He who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same One fashion us in the womb?” Job 31:15. Form them. “Thus says the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb, who will help you …” Isaiah 44:2.
• Cover them in my womb. “For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13. Make them fearfully and wonderfully. “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;” Psalm 139:14.
• Call my children from the womb to love and serve You. “The Lord has called Me from the womb; from the matrix of My mother He has made mention of My name.” Isaiah 49:1.
• Sanctify them. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
• My children are the fruit of my womb. Please bless the fruit of my womb. “He will also bless the fruit of your womb…” Deuteronomy 7:13.
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