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Brother Baloney Needs More Money
by Patricia Backora
05/21/09
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Brother Baloney
Wants more money
He preaches scary lies
Youíd better give more
Or youíll anger the Lord
God says your tithe is mine.

Come join us up front
Itís been a whole month
Since weíve had a check from you
If you want to go further
And be a good learner
Youíll pay the LORD whatís due.

Tithe on the gross
To the Lord of Hosts
So we can go have fun
Fruits of your labor
We want to savor
After your work is done.

If youíre on the dole
Or youíre down in a hole
Godís law remains the same
You better pay up
Or your judge will get tough
When you stand before him in shame.

Postpone your bills
Cut down on your pills
This church has got to come first
We need velvet pews
To seat your caboose
While we teach YOU the Word.

Give till it hurts
Pay what weíre worth
You know thereís no free lunch
Christ fed five thousand
Who never repaid Him
Donít be a stingy bunch.

Paul didnít take tithes
But tithingís IMPLIED
If youíll research the text
Quit being selfish
Or youíll never get wealthy
You owe the LORD a big debt!

GOD needs a new car
Itís been a whole year
The LORD makes all things new
Youíll get YOURS in heaven
If you keep on believiní
Heíll raise you up from that pew.

GOD needs a new suit
The old one wonít do
Itís shrunk too much in the waist
Too much fried chicken
Too much heavy liftiní
Of cash from offering plates.

GOD needs a gold watch
Though it costs a lot
He needs to know the time
But if things get rough
Donít seek help from us
We wonít give you a dime!

GOD needs marble fountains
To help Him move mountains
Precious paintings inspire
If you pay your tithe
And pay it on time
Heíll grant your deepest desires.

Weíre His priestly servants
Who preach HIS sermons
And take your money for Him
In His name we threaten
Eternal judgments
If you donít pay ten per cent.

You pay us to pray
And preach on Godís grace
And share the good Gospel news
The Old Lawís fulfilled
Except your tithe bill
Every Sunday itís due.

Youíre set free from sin
Youíve entered in
Your SPIRITUAL debts are paid
The work of Christís Cross
Wonít cost us a loss
Of tithes you owe US today.

ē * * * * *
http://kingdomage.tripod.com
http://banpreachergreed.tripod.com


If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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Member Comments
Member Date
Gay L Hall 06 Aug 2009
Amen again, sister! Humuorious on one hand, but yet, a fountain of truth! Loved it and keep them coming!
Kingdom Citizen 01 Jul 2009
Amen...
Sunny Loomis  21 May 2009
I like this. Good insights.




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