If the pen tried to think up and write the author's story, the story wouldn't get very far, now would it? Yet I have tried to do this on numerous occasions. I've tried to think of my own ways to write works of art authored (not in the same sense as Scripture but only in response to prayer) by God.
I Creative Writing
The pen could not be muse or author, but I tried to conceive my own idea for a poem I was convinced only God could write. At first, I attempted to write a poem on misdirected love songs. I felt that the words to love songs described character traits only God could have. For example, the Carpenters "You're the One" said, "... All that's right, all that's wrong suddenly become so clear." Only God could do that. Sounds like a good way to uplift God, doesn't it? God had other ideas. I only got through one line of that poem. Then I prayed and God impressed upon me that I should write about joy. The sonnet was done two days later, and the rest was history. This blessing came because, by God's grace, I became the pen in His hand. Still, I was slow to learn my lesson.
A few weeks after I first let God write the sonnet through me, the Lord inspired another poem, which depicted Jesus' journey to and death on the cross as a recipe for peace and redemption. The words streamed out at me like a waterfall. A friend suggested I add to the ending. I removed myself from His hand. The pen tried to be the muse again. I couldn't finish the last two lines in a half an hour. That night I prayed, putting myself back in the Lord's capable hands. I had the words by morning. I was finished in five minutes. Writing godly art became a lot easier once I became the pen. Whether a poem or story, the pen could not inspire or write.
II The story of life
If I could write the story of my life, my mother wouldn't have died when I was 20, but the Author let her die. She was a great mom and a fun woman to be around. However, she tended to keep me within the four walls of her understanding—especially when it came to matters of faith. Sometimes she let me out in the front yard. She did this long enough for the Author of my story to find me. Her guiding hand cupped over His and prevented the striking of certain paragraphs and the adding of others. She could not imagine that I could succeed without putting my ink in beggar pens that put themselves in the hands of the Author so that I could be formed into a better pen.
Although I knew I had no need for bigger pens, I thought I could help the Author find the people I loved if I stayed within mom’s understanding even after she died. Then I discovered staying within these four walls required me to believe the Lord needed another muse to reach me. I knew I could no longer stay in these walls and the Author began to write a new paragraph where He became the only Author of my life as I submitted myself to be the pen.
III The Temptation to Fight and Write
I have many temptations to fight and write. Because my mom attracted men who abandoned (one after popping in and out of our lives for eight years) us, I pretty much thought all men were nothing by invaders who were out to conquer and destroy a woman's heart and needed to be walled out at any cost. Once I became a Christian my heart softened towards the opposite sex. Most days, I lay comfortably as the pen. Sometimes I have given in to the tendency to be the muse. I've always wanted children even when I wasn't too keen on men. Because I was born with the cerebral palsy and confined to a wheelchair, a husband was essential to fulfilling this dream. After reading a book called Lies Women Believe in which the author said, "Marriage was not created to make me happy" (Demoss , P120). I became even more content to be of the pen in the author's hand.
Suddenly, the Lord put marriage problems on my heart. He gave me particular concern for marriage problems in the Church. Christian marriage is meant to be a living biography of the relationship between Christ and the Church (see Ephesians 5: 21-32, NIV). However, I've heard on many radio programs that divorce in the Church is as rampant as among non-Christians—a pathetic but true reality.
About a week ago, I thought of my disability and the issues that go with it as a picture of sin. According to the Bible, we were to “Be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48, NIV). The same Bible says in Romans 3: 23, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The letter of II Corinthians said, "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin to be sin for us, so that through Him we might become the righteousness of God" (5:21, NIV) and a couple letters back the Bible said, "While we were still sinners Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8, NIV).
Just as Jesus had to die to clean up from sin, any man who married me would have to “die’ to clean me up because I go to the bathroom in diapers. I, personally, never thought of cleaning human excrement as romantic. In addition, my inability to do household chores would constrict freedom. I thought how a man loving me enough to marry me despite all the nastiness and drudgery that comes with me would be a wonderful parallel of Christ's incredible love sinners.
Then I immediately began to dwell the potential development of a relationship between a Christian man to whom I am attracted and myself. Although I would never overtly try to write a love story for us by pursuing this man, I've often taken myself out of God's hand and written the story in my mind. After several minutes of writing this love story I told God I was the pen in His hand. He was using me to write a love story. The question was, which one? Would it be the one of Christ's redeeming love for His people, the Church, or the one about a woman He gifted to show the all-surpassing splendor of His relationship with an individual believer? Either way, the Lord could write a better romance for me than I would be able to for myself just as an author could write a better love story than a pen.
1. Demoss, Nancy Leigh. Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets. Moody Press: Chicago, 2001.
2. Holy Bible New International Version. Zondervan: Grand Rapids, 1994.
1 I remembered that this title came from a quote by a Christian author named Jennie Bishop who on that family life today website said of her authorship "I am God's pen"
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