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I thought I could use Christ as a pawn now I am the pawn
by Christopher Jenyns
04/16/09
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"Is there anyone here who like to confess theirs sins?" came the question.

I thought.

"I have not confessed before and here I am: I do not remember the message," I thought. "If I confess, I might work out the message and then I will have what is there (the body of Christ). Hmmm... (in the Devil) if I have what is there, I can use what is there for my own end."

"I will do it," I said and I said it allowing guilt to flood over me, as was shrewd (so that it would not have been for less than a thrill should it turn out to mean nothing). "I will do it," I said again, so that I could pretend I had actually said nothing (what? I did not mean it the second time!) "I will do it and then..." my thoughts began to trail off - I realized (in the Spirit) that I had to listen for what to do or I would never stop thinking about it.

"Pray with me this prayer..." said the speaker!

I prayed. Suddenly!: The old man rebelled!

"Aha! Now I have it!" I said, thinking I would have whatever it was I thought was there - and it was the body of Christ! _I had Christ_!

But the old man did not realize he had nothing "in the old man".

In a flash, I was _in_ Christ!

"Give it to me!" I said, in the old man.

"What?" said Christ.

"That!"

"The body of Christ?"

"Do I want that?" I thought.

"No!" I said, in the Devil.

"What?" said Christ.

"That!"

"The Spirit?" said Christ.

"Do I want that?" I thought.

"No!" I said, in the Spirit.

"What?" said Christ.

"That!"

"Me?" said Christ.

"Yes!" I said. "There! You!" and I kept myself from saying "Now!" as I had learned in that moment you could get more by being insistent and I did not want anyone to steal being insistent from me, so I restrained myself to justify complaining if anyone did.

THEN Whammo! It hit me...

...I just learned something in _the Spirit_!

It had nothing to do with the old man... nothing to do with the Devil... nothing to do with what I thought of the Spirit.

I had been... forgiven.

My sin was... no more.

Then God spoke through me:

"As I thought I would use the body of Christ for a pawn, so also now I will use myself as a _pawn_," and so it was that I was in Christ in God, prepared to use myself as a pawn.

And I realized what I had said and I turned to God, saying "How is it that I will use myself as a pawn?"

And God was silent.

And Christ was nowhere.

And there were just the things I had struggled with before I believed.

Then I thought "I must keep myself from these things if I am to get Christ back (and to have God speak to me). I must keep myself from the old man, I must keep myself from the Devil and I must keep myself... _from the world_ (which was everything but Christ, as I could _see_)!"

This was what I decided when I had learned something in the Spirit.

So it is: _remember what you learn when you believe_!

So also: _remember what you decide because you have learned_!

From this it follows that we should: _remember these two things, as Christ remembers them_!

And so it is that I have learned from glorifying Christ in this, that a child turning to God was remembered...

..._and so I will learn_!!

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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