When I think of all we've been through--valleys dark and shadows deep
The trembling child who thought she walked alone on barren steeps
The howling tempest of a storm that snatched her breath away
The crouching tigers in the night-the slinking beasts of prey,
That came at her with salivating grins and razored claws
Wolves in clothing of a sheep, all bloody fangs and paws.
Oh, You who left me not alone-Oh, You who never failed
If only I had seen Your face beyond the crimson veil,
Oh how it would have changed my life, the strength I might have drawn
From looking into eyes of love-and arms that broke my fall.
I said the words, "Lord, I believe," So, crown, and robe & all
I thought You'd step into my heart-I thought You were that small.
Sometimes (I dread to speak it now) I thought You didn't care
Disdain, I thought was in Your eyes, and so I never dared
To gaze in them-lest I should see the cold of dread contempt
That other eyes conveyed to me-why should You be exempt?
For though I dared not trust Your love-I knew no other One.
No one cared, no one asked -no one I could trust.
How could I tell my enemies whose blame and raw disgust
Prodded me, condemned to bear the perpetrator's lust?
How could I answer eyes that flashed-as if the wrong were mine
Trashed again, convicted by colluders in his crime.
Oh, dear me, again I've strayed from what I thought to do,
To write a story of my love and send it out to You.
The One who lingered ever near-who whispered in my ear
"Come away with me, my love and I will dry your tears."
I could not know Your hands were tied by Your own stated will
To grant to man the power to choose-to offer life or kill.
It's not for You to strike him dead or rout the others out
Who stood and watched, or hid and talked, but offered little else.
Sometimes it's hard to keep my mind fixed on the Son of God
Who saw and knew and wept and cried, and bore for me a cross
It's hard even though I know that He does not approve
Of making puppets out of men to force them to do good.
In my heart, like waves of joy, a tide of victory rolls
For He and I walk hand in hand along recovery's road
He, I know, was with me then, and He knew all along
That out of death He'd purchased life and this would be my song:
Oh, Jesus, Ruler of my life, and keeper of my soul,
This broken vessel that I am surrenders full control
To you my Savior and my Lord, my love, my joy, my friend
Flow through me with living streams and blessings without end.
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