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Seek the Kingdom of God Above All Else, and Live Righteously, and He Will Give You Everything You Need Matthew 6.33 NLT
Oh Lord, I know that you want me to seek You and Your kingdom first. And I know You will take care of me. Your word says so and I believe it but why does it have to be so hard?
I was in the midst of my morning routine: reclined in my easy chair, a steaming cup of coffee in hand, getting ready for another day. And as usual, my prayer time was sporadic and left me feeling disappointed in myself. My mind flitted hither and yon like a butterfly being carried by the wind on a bright spring day, unable to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time. I could feel the fingers of frustration crawling up the back of my neck, trying to overtake and distract me all the more.
Get a grip, Kit. You go through this every single morning- what must God think of you? If only you tried harder, you might 'get it'...
My long standing habit of self-deprecation kicked in without a moment's notice. It comes so naturally, most of the time I'm not even aware of it. I try to stop but it is almost an extension of my very being. I berated myself a while longer and finally, with a sigh, decided to just give it up- also part of my daily pattern. I headed for the shower to continue preparing for the day.
I love to stand under the water as it gently rolls over my body, bringing me to life after the stillness of the night. The vapor swirls around and creates a misty cloak that hides me from the world- and myself- even if only for a few minutes. Even while concealed in my own secret place, my mind continued to race...
God, I need your help so badly. I feel frustrated and angry because I just can't seem to get it together with You. Tears began to course down my face, their saltiness joining the water as it continued its journey, swirling down the drain.
As I poured out my feelings, I sensed His presence gradually come upon me. It grew as He began to touch those rocky, hardened places in my heart that had been beaten down for so long. My harsh words for myself were gently replaced by the still, small voice whispering in the distance yet growing stronger, almost audible...
Oh, Kit, I hear you, I really do. And I collect your tears in a bottle, counting each one. It breaks my heart to see you torment yourself so. You already know the answer. You're doing it right this minute......Seek Me.....that's all there is to it. Don't try harder-just trust Me. Give yourself a break- the only one who condemns you is yourself. I would never do that because I love you with an everlasting love. You are my child, a masterpiece, my own special treasure. Come to me and let me love you...Seek Me...
As I turned off the water and stood there dripping, my mind began to clear like the hazy fog in the bathroom. I glanced out the window and saw the sun just beginning to crest the horizon. As I embraced the dawn of a new day, I realized that just like the sunrise, hope was rising up inside of me, hope born out of seeking Him.
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Wow that's beauitul!
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