Bro. New Life
Pastor Follow Cash
Deacon Bad Habit
Little Sis. Humility
Scene begins with Bro. New Life standing before the church shaking Pastor Follow Cash's hand confessing and accepting Christ.
Pastor Follow Cash: Brother, we're so glad you came today. The angels always rejoice when one comes. At this time, we will hear what you have to say.
Bro. New Life: Pastor, I was truly touched by your message about how accepting Christ as your Savior and becoming a Christian changes you. I want to change; I want to be a Christian; I want to know how to be a Christian. (Congregation applauds with loud "Amen's".)
Pastor Follow Cash: Brother, I'm so glad to hear that, and we'll get you started on your Christian journey. Brothers, what shall we hear?
Deacon Bad Habit: Bro. Pastor, after hearing the brother's statement, I offer a motion that we receive him as a candidate for baptism.
Mother Know-It-All: Second the motion.
Pastor Follow Cash: The motion has been properly seconded that we accept Bro. New Life as a candidate for baptism. Are you read to vote?
Pastor Follow Cash: All in favor, let me know by the sign "I".
Pastor Follow Cash: Oppose by the same sign. (Pause) We will schedule the baptism for this Saturday at 9:00 a.m. We are ready now for adjournment. (Bro. New Life goes to the Pastor's study after service.)
Bro. New Life: Pastor, I hate to bother you, but I need to know how to start being a Christian.
Pastor Follow Cash: Son, the first and most important thing is to pay your tithes and offerings. This is how you get your blessings. You see Mother Know-It-All; she's very blessed because she pays good money. You can get some good guidance from a Christian like that. (Bro. New Life shakes the Pastor's hand and heads out to see Mother Know-It-All.)
Bro. New Life: Mother Know-It-All, Pastor Follow Cash directed me to you to get some guidance on how to be a good Christian.
Mother Know-It-All: Son, you got to get you a good education so you can get a good job so you can understand what's going on in the world. You've got to get yourself in a position to know the big wigs in the church so they can help you out. You see Deacon Bad Habit over there? Now, he has his ways, but the man rubs shoulders with the big dogs. He has prestige. He wants for nothing. (Bro. New Life shakes Mother's hand and hurries off.)
Bro. New Life: Deacon Bad Habit, Mother Know-It-All told me that you could help me be a good Christian.
Deacon Bad Habit: Son, you see: the key is knowing how, when and where to do things. It's alright to pinch a little bacco, get you a little smoke, or even a shot every now and again, but you've got to know how to do it. You can't dare let church folk see you acting that way. What they don't know won't hurt them. As long as you don't let people know what you're doing. You see Brother Duck-N-Dodge out there? He has many female companions; a few even in this very church, but he knows how to handle his business. That boy can give you some good pointers on being a church man. (Bro. New Life shakes Deac's hand and runs off.)
Bro. New Life: Brother Duck-N-Dodge, Deacon Bad Habit told me you could give me some real good tips about being a man in the church.
Brother Duck-N-Dodge: Man, you made a good choice by coming into the church. You find the best women in church. You see I have a wife to take care of me at home; I have a sugar mamma who helps with the finances; and there's Sister Slip-N-Slide over there that takes care of everything else I need. You ought to talk to her to see if she can hook you up with some of her friends. (Bro. New Life runs off.)
Bro. New Life: Sister Slip-N-Slide, Brother Duck-N-Dodge sent me over.
Sis. Slip-N-Slide: Okay, honey. I know somebody just for you. What you doing next Saturday?
Bro. New Life: I have the baptism…
Sis. Slip-N-Slide: No, honey…Saturday night?
Bro. New Life: Nothing…
Sis. Slip-N-Slide: Okay. Meet me at Club Hide Out around 10:00 Saturday night, and I'll get you started on your Christian journey.
Bro. New Life: A club?
Sis. Slip-N-Slide: Yeah! Where else is there to go on Saturday night? (Bro. New Life walks away with his head down, puzzled, and bumps into 10-year old Little Sis. Humility.)
Bro. New Life: I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going.
Little Sis. Humility: Bro. New Life, what's wrong? Why do you look so sad?
Bro. New Life: I'm confused. I was so excited about becoming a Christian. The Pastor made it all sound so good and easy when he was preaching. He said I would change. It seems like the same things that I was trying to get away from are in the church too. If that's the case, I've been a Christian all the while, just not in church. All I want to know is how to really be a Christian.
Little Sis. Humility: That's simple. Being a Christian means being like Jesus Christ. When you act like somebody, you imitate who and what they are. So, in whatever you do, ask yourself: "What would Jesus do?"