God, Iíve got something on my mind. I was thinking about me being a mom and all. See, hereís the thing: How am I supposed to fix my kid when Iím a broken mess? How in the world can I help him figure it all out-when I burn from the inside out? Iím so tired God. Iím worn out from years of hurt and pain, and I really donít want to talk about it. Now I have this boy and heís feeling my pain-and his on top of all that.
Tell me God-how do I make it stop? How do I stop my pain from spinning out of control? How to I stop crying inside for a child I canít fix?
Today, I crawled in bed and shut my door. Sometimes itís just easier to dream about beautiful places and people I have never met. When I wake up everythingís the same. Itís me in the mirror-every time.
I look at this beautiful child you entrusted me to raise. I have only one question. Why me God? Why did you give me such an awesome giftÖknowing how messed up I was? How much more pain must I unravel until itís done? I am trying here God. I am trying to help my boy with his pain, but I canít- Iím having a hard time dealing with mine.
I just kissed my little boy good night God. I laid down next to him just so I could listen to his heart beating. His body was warm and he was tucked safely under his covers. His room was quiet and a peaceful silence filled the air. It must have been you that felt so calming. You must have been the reason why I had a moment of peace in my scattered mind.
ďI think you should know that I am with you ...all the time. I am glad that you felt some peace tonight. I also want you to know that I am working full time on fixing you and mending your brokenness. OhÖand as to why I gave this baby to you- even in your brokenness you chose to love him! Love is enough to fix anythingÖeven you! And donít worry about fixing him-thatís my job! ď
Another excellent article Suellen. My only suggestion would be to break between your "letter to God" and His answer back to you with maybe a "Dear Child" or "Dear Suellen" as preface.
Suellen it is with great pleasure I have watched you grow as a writer and I hope you will continue to share your ups and downs with your readers. You have a way of touching us with your heart and what a gift that is!
May God bless you and keep you.