Psalm 1261
I’m so sorry, Father.
I don’t know why I am the way that I am.
I want so much to be someone else, someone different.
You mean so much to me, and I’m sad
Because I know how much you don’t like the way II ve.
Why can’t I let go? Why can’t I be the person my heart wants me to be?
Who do I have here, who do I have here that I can talk to like this?
Yeah I have family, but they don’t put their foot down,
And I carry on the way that I do.
Everything seems to go well for a while, and then I’m back,
To that same old me that I used to be.
I don’t lie about what I do to others.
Yet sometimes it seems all they want to do,
Is discourage me, and they tell me that I am not a true follower of You.
It gets hard hearing that all the time.
I’m so afraid that I’m going to die discouraged.
I’m going to diie in this hell all alone
In tears crying to You.
Please, Father, please take my hand.
Lead me out here.
Keep me safe from all my troubles.
I try to speak to others who share my belief in You.
I’m here surrounding myself with them, yet I’m avoided
Like I’m a plague.
I don’t understand what it is.
Is it my honesty about the things that I do?
Is it because I admit the sins I cry to You about?
Or is because they see me and find themselves good compared to me?
Sin is being in flesh. There is no man on earth who does not sin.
When I cry out to You, I share my suffering with everyone
For when one part of the body suffers the other lifts up.
Right? That is what we’ve been taught.
Now where are the many supportive voices of the body?
The voices of the Christ-like people that are supposed to be supportive when one falls down?
I can count the number of voices on one hand.
Is this the true representation of the true Body of Christ, Father?
Protect me from all the scemes people plan.
Keep me safe from the hearts of stone
Of people who say they believe in You but don’t.
The ones that are in this same place that I am.
There are a lot of things we have in common,
But yet all I have in this darkness, is You, and very few others.
Surely there are more who feel this same way.
Everything around me is old, Father,
It needs to be made new.
If it isn’t, I’ll surely go down to the grave.
I won’t be able to call out Your name from there.
Who will listen to me there?
Everyone is in torment there, crying out, but they can’t make a sound.
In that place
the tormentors hands never leaves their shoulders
and the tormentors teeth, never leaves their head.
What makes it even more tormenting
Is they can see You and rest but are separated by a gulf
That cannot be passed.
The grip of the grave is everlasting for anyone who doesn’t believe in You.
Please tell me there is a reason, why I’m in the place that I’m in.
Please tell me there is a reason for my life being this way.
Why do I come back here, why am I haunted by this darkness?
Why can’t I live around others who believe in each other?
I need You, Father, please don’t leave me here all alone.
Please don’t let me mess up the good things I have going for me.
I’ve gotten everything off my chest, and now that I have,
I’m going to pray, Father,
And I pray that every person not only registered on this website,
But everyone, the entire body, be brought into Your likeness.
Help me forgive, Father, help us all forgive and accept forgiveness,
for You have forgiven us.
It is a gift that has been given to us and should be given freely by us.
Clean out this bitterness and anger and may love control our hearts.
Help me walk forward with You, Father, and not look back.
May you tell me when I am wallowing in injustices committed against me,
Opens my ears to hear.
Help me grow and abound in love Lord.
Don’t let me give unforgiveness a place in my heart.
Give my eyes sight to see it.
I realize my weakness provides a place for You to reveal Your strength,
And I’m not letting go of You, Father, I’m not letting go
In every high and every low, I’m going to keep You close,
so help me walk in victory, Father, and not just do the best that I can.
I ask this in Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty,
Who was, and is, and is to come.
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Herman... I think we all go through this one way are another.. And if you need somebody to reach out to. you can go under my profile and fine my web site... Your Friend in Christ..God Bless
Here is one in the body of Christ my friend, you are not alone Herman ! We all struggle in many of the same ways. Do you realize how close God is to you right now ? You would not be having these feelings if He wasn't... You know why i know that ? Because you wouldn't care one way or the other but you do . Keep crying out to Him. I know that I have to to....
