by Herman Salazar Jr
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Iím so sorry, Father.
I donít know why I am the way that I am.
I want so much to be someone else, someone different.
You mean so much to me, and Iím sad
Because I know how much you donít like the way II ve.
Why canít I let go? Why canít I be the person my heart wants me to be?
Who do I have here, who do I have here that I can talk to like this?
Yeah I have family, but they donít put their foot down,
And I carry on the way that I do.
Everything seems to go well for a while, and then Iím back,
To that same old me that I used to be.
I donít lie about what I do to others.
Yet sometimes it seems all they want to do,
Is discourage me, and they tell me that I am not a true follower of You.
It gets hard hearing that all the time.
Iím so afraid that Iím going to die discouraged.
Iím going to diie in this hell all alone
In tears crying to You.
Please, Father, please take my hand.
Lead me out here.
Keep me safe from all my troubles.
I try to speak to others who share my belief in You.
Iím here surrounding myself with them, yet Iím avoided
Like Iím a plague.
I donít understand what it is.
Is it my honesty about the things that I do?
Is it because I admit the sins I cry to You about?
Or is because they see me and find themselves good compared to me?
Sin is being in flesh. There is no man on earth who does not sin.
When I cry out to You, I share my suffering with everyone
For when one part of the body suffers the other lifts up.
Right? That is what weíve been taught.
Now where are the many supportive voices of the body?
The voices of the Christ-like people that are supposed to be supportive when one falls down?
I can count the number of voices on one hand.
Is this the true representation of the true Body of Christ, Father?
Protect me from all the scemes people plan.
Keep me safe from the hearts of stone
Of people who say they believe in You but donít.
The ones that are in this same place that I am.
There are a lot of things we have in common,
But yet all I have in this darkness, is You, and very few others.
Surely there are more who feel this same way.
Everything around me is old, Father,
It needs to be made new.
If it isnít, Iíll surely go down to the grave.
I wonít be able to call out Your name from there.
Who will listen to me there?
Everyone is in torment there, crying out, but they canít make a sound.
In that place
the tormentors hands never leaves their shoulders
and the tormentors teeth, never leaves their head.
What makes it even more tormenting
Is they can see You and rest but are separated by a gulf
That cannot be passed.
The grip of the grave is everlasting for anyone who doesnít believe in You.
Please tell me there is a reason, why Iím in the place that Iím in.
Please tell me there is a reason for my life being this way.
Why do I come back here, why am I haunted by this darkness?
Why canít I live around others who believe in each other?
I need You, Father, please donít leave me here all alone.
Please donít let me mess up the good things I have going for me.
Iíve gotten everything off my chest, and now that I have,
Iím going to pray, Father,
And I pray that every person not only registered on this website,
But everyone, the entire body, be brought into Your likeness.
Help me forgive, Father, help us all forgive and accept forgiveness,
for You have forgiven us.
It is a gift that has been given to us and should be given freely by us.
Clean out this bitterness and anger and may love control our hearts.
Help me walk forward with You, Father, and not look back.
May you tell me when I am wallowing in injustices committed against me,
Opens my ears to hear.
Help me grow and abound in love Lord.
Donít let me give unforgiveness a place in my heart.
Give my eyes sight to see it.
I realize my weakness provides a place for You to reveal Your strength,
And Iím not letting go of You, Father, Iím not letting go
In every high and every low, Iím going to keep You close,
so help me walk in victory, Father, and not just do the best that I can.
I ask this in Jesusí name,
Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty,
Who was, and is, and is to come.
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Herman, i sent you a private message but don't know if you got it. I to have a website and you can get me under my profile. Come and join us.
Herman... I think we all go through this one way are another.. And if you need somebody to reach out to. you can go under my profile and fine my web site... Your Friend in Christ..God Bless
Here is one in the body of Christ my friend, you are not alone Herman ! We all struggle in many of the same ways. Do you realize how close God is to you right now ? You would not be having these feelings if He wasn't... You know why i know that ? Because you wouldn't care one way or the other but you do . Keep crying out to Him. I know that I have to to....