Can I be completely transparent and honest for a moment as I have a confession to make? In my 23+ years of being a Christian, I have made some stupid mistakes. Iím sure Iím not the only one, right?
In all those years though, Iíve never blamed God for those things, whether my fault or not. When Iíve made a mistake, Iíve owned up to it, and taken the consequences, sometimes less than graciously.
This last Sunday was different. I dropped my son off at youth, and instead of going to the mall to wait for them, I sat in my van to pray. Nothing new in that, I often do it.
But I was ticked off, and I was ticked off at God! I felt like Iíd done everything He has asked of me ó we tithe, we give to the poor, we open our home to people, we serve in our church, we minister to others, and yet we are struggling!
I shouted at the Lord for the first time ever! I yelled, ďLord youíre ruining my life!Ē As soon as I said that, alarm bells went off in my head ó loud, insistent ones. Hello, whose life? My life? Not likely! Didnít I say 23 years ago this is His life? Donít I pray every day for Him to use me in any way He sees fit? Since when did it become my life?
Then I tried to justify that prayer (please donít tell me Iím the only one who does this?) by adding, ďYou led us to this point, so if You led us, then why all the hassles, and why change the plan?Ē The alarm bells picked up a notch!
He is the potter ó I am merely the clay. I may think, ďOh look, Heís making me into a pitcher!Ē because I see Him stretching me. Instead, He has planned all along to make me into a vase. I donít know, I see with limited vision, whereas He sees all things at all times!
How often I pray the words, ďLord, my life is not my own, itís yours.Ē Yet, when the rubber hits the road, and things donít go according to the little plan I have in my head, then suddenly God is ruining my life! It isnít mine to ruin!
When I calmed down, I repented from my anger. I have heard people say we shouldnít get angry with God, I donít know whether theyíre right or not. All I know is after Sunday night, I understand a little better just how much a piece of clay I truly am!