After our eleven year old son, Levi, died from brain cancer, sleepless nights and tormenting memories of his suffering became a new normal way of life. I had to depend on God’s grace to bring me back to a place where I could carry on my life even though my son could no longer be with us.
When we lost Levi, certain things (like birthday parties) would, and still do, magnify the pain of separation. About a month after Levi’s death we had been invited to a birthday party. The thought of celebrating life was the fartherest thing from my mind. In fact just thinking about being in the midst of laughter and happiness really made me sick to my stomach.
My biggest emotional issue the day of the party was feeling void of God’s love. I was sure of God’s love , but knew my pain was getting in the way of letting me relate to it. So I prayed and asked Him to please show His love to me in some way, because I certainly did not feel it.
We left the house, off to the park to celebrate a birthday party, a present in hand and a ten ton load of grief on our backs.
After the celebration had begun, children scattered here and there to play on slides and swings. Right in the middle of conversation, my niece’s husband, Brother Ronnie Charpentier, took off running across the grounds. My niece, Angela, had a frightened look on her face and cried “That’s Cambri!” She, too, took off running. In the midst of all the noise and many other children screaming, only they had heard and recognized the scream of their little girl. She had gotten hurt, and there was not a moment of hesitation before her mom and dad responded to her cry of pain.
I watched as her big strong daddy scooped her up into his arms. Her cries slowly faded as he comforted her.
Brother Ronnie could have locked her away in a room and spared her from any kind of pain, but would she have really been living? Perhaps he could have just made her sit by his side where she would have been safe from all harm, but would she have really known anything of life?
God showed me His love that day through the cry of a child. Children must live though this lifetime with skinned knees, and quiet often with more pain than that. Yes, sometimes children must have broken hearts.
Just as the little children of this world cry to their earthly daddies, we the children of God cry to Him, our heavenly Father. Let’s cry to him when our hearts are breaking. Let’s cry to him when we feel pain beyond words. When we do, he’ll hear us and scoop us up into His everloving arms.
“For I am persuaded ,that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. “Romans 8:39 KJV.
Brenda Thomas
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Such a touching and truly inspiring message in this article! Yes, God gives us many ways to see His love for us in actions of others. Your strength and love for your son still shines through! What a wonderful boy he must have been and still is in Heaven! I'm glad you shared how God reached out and made His love real to you that day when you needed it so much.
