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Ghost Writer
by Julie Michaelson
02/25/09
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I want you to know,
brethren,
that I have often
intended
to come to you...
in order
that I may reap
some harvest
among you
as well
as among
the rest
of the
Gentiles.
[Romans 1:13]
***********************
"Why DIDN'T
Ya, LORD?"

[PATIENT GAZE.]
"Why didn't I
what,
My precious."

"Get.....
Jerry SEINFELD?"

[SMILE!]
[CHUCKLE!]
"To do what,
My beloved?"

"To WRITE IT!"

"Write what."

"The Book 'a ROMANS!"

[LAUGH!]
[WIPE TEARS OF LAUGHTER,
FROM EYES.]
"Oy vey es mir."

"YEAH!
That's what I SAY,
when I go to that
STUDY,
on Wednesday NIGHTS!"

"Why do you
go,
My precious?"

(Shrug.)
"Cuz, the ladies are
nice. And, they
are intelligent,
and kind."

[SMILE.]
[NOD.]

"But......oy,
this new STUDY,
they're doin'......
is REALLY not my
cup'a TEA."

[CHUCKLE.]

"There's just no.....
HUMOR, in it!"

[SMILE.]

"It's AWFUL!"

"It is My Word,
child."

"Yeah, but WHY
didn't Ya get
SOMEBODY else,
to WRITE it?"

"Ah.
I see."
[SOLEMN NOD.]
"And, who would
you suggest?"

"Well....."
(Stop, to eat some
microwave stuff,
outta the box.)
(Chew.)
"I already suggested
ONE guy."

[SMILE!]
[CHUCKLE!]
[NOD!]

"WELL?
He IS JEWISH!"

[LAUGHING.]

"And.......he DOES
like to TALK!"

[CHUCKLING.]

"AND.......Ya
have to admit;
he DOES seem to
have a better RAPPORT,
with folks!"

"Go on,
Mein kinder."

"Well......."
(Chomp.)
(Chew.)
"In ACTS, and .....
ROMANS.....it
seems like people
were always runnin'
AFTER Paul, and tryin'
to KILL him!"

[NOD.]

"You needed somebody,
who just got along,
BETTER, with people!"
(Curious squint.)
"This PAUL guy,
always seemed to be
FIGHTIN' with PEOPLE!
And....endin' up
in the SLAMMER!"

[SMILE!]
[CHUCKLE!]
"Yes.
That is true,
My beloved."

"Yeah;
somebody, Ya know,
like, JEWISH, but
who knew how to TALK
to people....and,
make 'em LAUGH."

[PATIENT FROWN.]
[REBUKATIVE NOD.]
"This is MY HOLY WORD,
child."

(Chomp. Chomp.)
(Reach a spoon of
cassarole out, for
scruffy cat.)
(Sip some Sunkist Soda.)
(Squint up at ceiling.)
"YEAH!
EXACTLY!
And...... You should'a
hired a better WRITER,
to WRITE it!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[GAZE AT THE STARS,
PARTICULARLY VEGA,
BECAUSE IT'S REALLY
REALLY FAR FROM
SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS.]

"What about SHAKESPEARE?
Why didn't Ya HIRE HIM?"

[PATIENTLY LISTENING.]
[GAZE AT THE DWARF
PLANET OF PLUTO.]
[SIGH.]

"I don't think he was
JEWISH.....but,
he was a darn good
WRITER!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Ya COULDN'T 'A
gotten better....
than, HIM!"
(Sip some more orange soda.)
"He was a great POET!"

[SIGH.]
[PATIENT FROWN.]
[NOD.]

"Or....."
(Thoughtfully chomp.)
(Speak rebukefully at the
bigger cat, who is pushing
the smaller cat away from
the cassarole spoon.)
"What about.....Paul...
MCCARTNEY?"
(Squint hopefully, up at
ceiling.)
"He's one of the great
MUSICAL WRITERS...
of ALL TIME!"
(Gaze hopefully, up at
ceiling fan.)
"And....what a ROMANTIC!
What a GIFT!"

[EMPATHETIC NOD.]
"Yes,
My child."

"Or.......Mark TWAIN?"
(Squint.)
"HE was a good WRITER!
And.....he was an...
AMERICAN!"

[SIGH.]

"Well.....why NOT?
All Ya had to do,
was put one of these
folks back: at the
right TIME!"

"Yes,
child.
I understand."

"The thing is, Lord,
that Paul guy.....
just needed to
have a....
a GHOST
WRITER!"

[PATIENT, LOVING
GAZE ON SASSY CHILD.]
"Ah,
but he did have One,
child.
He did have
One."
***********************
For I am
not ashamed
of the Gospel;
it is the power
of God
for salvation
to every one who
has faith,
to the Jew,
first,
and also
to the
Greek.
[Romans 1:16]


________________________

To Denise's Wednesday
night class.



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