Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!



 
Healthy Living PLEASE ENCOURAGE THE AUTHOR BY COMMENTING

  LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE   SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE
  HIRE THIS WRITER
REPORT ARTICLE

 TRACK THIS AUTHOR ADD TO MY FAVORITES
corner
What's New
 
corner
 
Defunct Space Heaters and those CurlyCue Lightbulbs
by Julie Michaelson
02/23/09
For Sale
Author requests article critique


  Mail
 





In the beginning
God
created
the heavens
and
the earth.
[Genesis 1:1]
*********************
"Lord?
Are You an INVENTOR?"

"Yes,
My precocious."

(Laugh!)
"Ha, ha!"
(Squint curiously.)
"No, for REAL!"

[SMILE.]
[NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved."

"WELL?
SO?
Why don't You
DO SOMETHING?"

[SMILE.]
"About what,
Mein kinder."

"About that darn
SPACE HEATER!"
(Grimmace!)
"It just QUIT,
on ME!"

"I know,
My beloved."

"WHY?"

"Because,
I AM the LORD."

(Roll eyes,
with impatience.)
"NO!
NO!
I mean,
why did it QUIT,
on ME?"

[AGGRAVATING SILENCE.]

"WELL?
Don't You KNOW?"

[NOD.]
"I AM the LORD,
My beloved.
I know all things."

(Hopeful squint.)
(Mouth opens*.)
"Ya DO?
Well....then,
...FIX IT!"

[STERN GAZE.]
"Child,
WHO AM I?"

"Eh......the One
Who Knows why
my Sears-Space-Heater-
just-2-months-old,
quit
WORKIN'?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Go and return it,
My precious."

"Yeah, but I don't
got** the box,
no more, Lord!"
(Squint up at ceiling fan.)
(Gaze up the ceiling vent.)
"REMEMBER?
I tossed it on the FLOOR?
And, then one 'a my
KITTIES threw UP,
on IT?"

[GENTLE SMILE.]
[SOLEMN NOD.]

"All I got is the RECEIPT!"

[PATIENT NOD.]

"I can stick it,
in a WALMART bag!"

[NOD.]
[PATIENT GAZE.]

"I should've BOUGHT
it, at WALMART!"

[GAZE OFF AT JUPITER.]
[GAZE AT THE MILKYWAY.]
[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved."

"79 BUCKS for this
darn thing! And, the one
I got at Walmart
was HALF the PRICE!
And, it STILL WORKS!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[NOD.]
"Yes,
My most precious."

"YEAH!
YOU BET!"

[SILENCE.]
[STUDY ONE OF THE
FEROCIOUS STORMS
ON THE SUN.]
[WATCH THE FOLKS
ON THE SPACE STATION,
DO, WHATEVER IT IS
THAT THEY DO WITH
AMERICANS' TAX MONEY.]

"Well, what about that
OTHER STUFF?"

"What stuff,
My beloved."

"Those LIGHT BULBS!
THOSE LIGHT BULBS!"

"Ah.
Yes."
[SOLEMN NOD.]

"Yeah!
Those stupid curly-cue
things!"
(Make big, kvetchy face.)
THEY DON'T work,
EITHER!"
(Mild curse.)

[PATIENT PAUSE.]
"Is there light,
My child?"

(Clueless squint.)
"Is this a BIBLICAL
QUESTION,
Lord?"
(Squint.)

[LAUGH!]
[CHUCKLE!]

(Smile!)
"YOU know what
I MEAN!"
(Squirm.)
"Those things only
give off, a little LIGHT!
They ain't worth a
DARN!"

[EMPATHETIC NOD.]
[GAZE OFF AT PLUTO.]

"And....they take LONGER,
to come ON!
They're, like.... WEIRD!"

"It is a Mystery,
My beloved."

"Ya mean,
YOU had somethin'
to do, with the
making of these
darn LIGHT BULBS....
TOO?"

[CHUCKLE.]

"Well,
FIX 'EM!"

[SIGH.]

"FIX 'EM,
LORD!
FIX 'EM!"

[PATIENT FROWN.]
"Child....."

"WHAT?"

"Finish your lunch."

"YEAH?"

"And, then
get to the store."

"OKAY, LORD!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"Hey, LORD?
Remember: I got
that lesson #2, tonight,
about my spiritual
GIFTS!"

[NOD.]

"Are YOU
gonna be THERE?"

"I AM always
There,
My beloved."

"Good!
Maybe, You can
help them TELL ME,
what my SPIRITUAL
GIFTS ARE!"

[SMILE.]
[SHAKE HEAD,
IN BEMUSEMENT.]
******************
And
God
said
Let there
be light;
and
there
was light.
[Genesis 1:3]

______________
*Author was also
eating spaghetti,
at the time.
**Incorrect grammar:
used for conversational
emphasis.



If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

Read more articles by Julie Michaelson or search for articles on the same topic or others.


Read More - Free Reprints, Main Site Articles, Most Read Articles or highly acclaimed Challenge Articles. Read Great New Release Christian Books for FREE in our Free Reads for Reviews Program. Christian writers can JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and help spread the Gospel.


The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.

Hire a Christian Writer, Christian Writer Wanted, Christian Writer Needed, Christian Content Needed
Find a Christian Editor, Hire a Christian Editor, Christian Editor, Find a Christian Writer
 
corner
Corner
This article has been read 440 times     < Previous | Next >


Member Comments
Member Date




TRUST JESUS TODAY














Free Audio Bible
500 Plus Languages
Faith Comes By Hearing.com