Just as i am
This is probably the most transparent and honest testimony Iíve ever shared. I didnít feel like sharing this, but I believe that this is what God wants me to do, so here it goesÖ
I read my Bible almost everyday, journal my thoughts and reflect on what I think is Godís message to me. I pray everyday and go to church most Sundays, attend small groups whenever I have opportunity, read Christian devotionals I can lay my hands on, and share in writing what I feel the Holy Spirit has put in my heart. Yet, I feel like something is missing in my life. Like a puzzle, I can not seem to figure out how to put all the pieces together. There seems to be an emptiness in my soul that I have to ask God, ďLord, if you are inside my heart, why do I feel this way?Ē
One day, that verse from Matthew 7:21 haunted me, ďNot everyone who says to me, ĎLord, Lordí will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.Ē Then I heard it again at the churchís message yesterday. No doubt about it, God is not finished with me yet. He got a lot of work to do. His Word speaks loud and clear to me.
In our small groups, we are studying how to share Jesus without fear. Honestly, I can write 100 plus articles about Jesus, but let me open my mouth to share him face to face with someone and I will cringe. I asked myself, ďWhat is preventing me?Ē Fear of rejection? Timidity? Not sure of my own spiritual maturity? What is it? I can cite a lot of reasons.
ďDo I really need to be a perfect Christian to be able to share Jesus?Ē But then, I realize God uses imperfect and ordinary people like you and me to fulfill His will for us.
I admit itís hard to live a consistent Christian life and be a good example. When my mood changes and my hormones start acting up, I feel more like a Pharisee than a disciple. When someone asks me what religion I belong to, I have to make a double take before I say I am a Christian. This is because for some, the word Christian leaves a bad taste in their mouth. Someone said, "I like your Jesus, but I don't like some who says they are Christians." All we need to do is hear about those famous evangelicals and priests who have fallen from grace. Yet, who am I to judge?
Now, what is Godís will for us? To honor and glorify Him? As simple as it may seem, itís not easy when we start to show our true personality. But as we submit to God and let Him do the work for us, itís amazing what He can do . But I learned that once I lean on my own understanding, pride sets in. When pride gets on the way of faith, we can not be good witnesses. Itís only when we let go of self and acknowledge God, trust Him in everything, can He use us for His glory.
I still have so much to learn, but the more I learn, the more I feel like a fool, because I see all my weaknesses and Godís power and strength.
Lord, thank You for who You are, Sovereign, Mighty, Powerful King of Kings. Yet, You love me and care for me just as I am. Thank You for letting me see how fool Iíve been all along. I repent of my sins and submit to Your leading from now on. In Jesus precious Name, Amen.
To God alone be the glory!
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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