This is probably the most transparent and honest testimony Iíve ever shared. I didnít feel like sharing this, but I believe that this is what God wants me to do, so here it goesÖ
I read my Bible almost everyday, journal my thoughts and reflect on what I think is Godís message to me. I pray everyday and go to church most Sundays, attend small groups whenever I have opportunity, read Christian devotionals I can lay my hands on, and share in writing what I feel the Holy Spirit has put in my heart. Yet, I feel like something is missing in my life. Like a puzzle, I can not seem to figure out how to put all the pieces together. There seems to be an emptiness in my soul that I have to ask God, ďLord, if you are inside my heart, why do I feel this way?Ē
One day, that verse from Matthew 7:21 haunted me, ďNot everyone who says to me, ĎLord, Lordí will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.Ē Then I heard it again at the churchís message yesterday. No doubt about it, God is not finished with me yet. He got a lot of work to do. His Word speaks loud and clear to me.
In our small groups, we are studying how to share Jesus without fear. Honestly, I can write 100 plus articles about Jesus, but let me open my mouth to share him face to face with someone and I will cringe. I asked myself, ďWhat is preventing me?Ē Fear of rejection? Timidity? Not sure of my own spiritual maturity? What is it? I can cite a lot of reasons.
ďDo I really need to be a perfect Christian to be able to share Jesus?Ē But then, I realize God uses imperfect and ordinary people like you and me to fulfill His will for us.
I admit itís hard to live a consistent Christian life and be a good example. When my mood changes and my hormones start acting up, I feel more like a Pharisee than a disciple. When someone asks me what religion I belong to, I have to make a double take before I say I am a Christian. This is because for some, the word Christian leaves a bad taste in their mouth. Someone said, "I like your Jesus, but I don't like some who says they are Christians." All we need to do is hear about those famous evangelicals and priests who have fallen from grace. Yet, who am I to judge?
Now, what is Godís will for us? To honor and glorify Him? As simple as it may seem, itís not easy when we start to show our true personality. But as we submit to God and let Him do the work for us, itís amazing what He can do . But I learned that once I lean on my own understanding, pride sets in. When pride gets on the way of faith, we can not be good witnesses. Itís only when we let go of self and acknowledge God, trust Him in everything, can He use us for His glory.
I still have so much to learn, but the more I learn, the more I feel like a fool, because I see all my weaknesses and Godís power and strength.
Lord, thank You for who You are, Sovereign, Mighty, Powerful King of Kings. Yet, You love me and care for me just as I am. Thank You for letting me see how fool Iíve been all along. I repent of my sins and submit to Your leading from now on. In Jesus precious Name, Amen.
To God alone be the glory!
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Just As I Am. That was my Dad's favorite song. Even the Apostle Paul wrestled with a thorn in his flesh. As we seek to grow in the image of our Father, we too will have things we must wrestle with. But we are not alone, it is all common to man. The Lord Bless You.
10 Feb 2009
Gloria, my heart is aching for you. You are young--compared to me, that is--and we all have these thoughts now and then. I think it is Satan who is trying to throw you, sending doubt into your heart. Even as old as I am, I often find it hard to at times to be vocal about Christ. We don't have to go around preaching to people. Our lives are a living testimony. We are a light set on a hill. If we ask God to give us a word in season, He will...As for the word "Christian", I know what you mean. I often say to people, "I am a born-again Christian." That is more pointed than just Christian. As you say, many people claim to be Christian...I am not making myself clear, I don't think, but I am just wanting to encourage you, letting you know, as the others have done, that you are not alone in your feelings. When Satan tries to get us down, we have to say, as Jesus did: "Get thee behind me, Satan."...Hope this is an encouragement. It is meant to be...Helen
Hi Gloria, I know just where you are coming from. I remember asking God to become my Lord, I knew Him as my Savior, but not as Lord. Well He began to show me things about myself I never dreamed were there.He showed me I was not nearly as loving as I should be and that I could be very overbearing at times. When he got through I was very humbled indeed. He took away all of the ammunition against my brothers and sisters, that I might have thought I had. He is not through with me yet either, that is for sure. We are all a work still in progress, and thank goodness that He will never leave us nor forsake us. I love you, Sharon
Dear Gloria... This statement that you wrote does NOT come from a fool - it comes from a person of great faith who is learning God's Truth: You said, "Itís only when we let go of self and acknowledge God, trust Him in everything, can He use us for His glory." AMEN, Sis! You know, God loves it when we come to Him as little children - weak, trusting, relying on Him, willing to give Him our fears and willing for HIM to make our lives better. So, even though we are weak, that's when He does His best work with us. You show GREAT wisdom in realizing that you can't go it alone in life - you need God's guidance in all ways. Those who acknowlege their weaknesses, sins and shortcomings before the Lord are the ones He dearly loves and whose lives He blesses. You are His cherished daughter, Sis...and it doesn't get any better than that. I love you, too. SiS Peggy