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50 bucks of a worthless flu shot
by Julie Michaelson
01/25/09
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As for you,
you whitewash with lies;
worthless physicians
are you all.
[Job 13:4]
********************
(Sneeze!)
(Cough.)
(Sniff.)
"What a WASTE!"

[SILENCE.]
[LISTENING TO SOME REALLY
SMART PERSON ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.]

"I can't BELIEVE I FELL
FOR IT!"
(Cough.)
(Sniff.)
"And, it HURT, TOO!"

[CALM NOD.]
[IT'S SUNDAY. LORD
SIGHS. SHOULDN'T HE
BE SPARED FROM HIS
CHILDREN'S KVETCHING
FOR ONE DAY?]

"Hey, LORD?"

[SILENCE.]
[PATIENT SIGH.]

(Yell up to ceiling with
raspy, throaty voice.)
"LORD!
LORD!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"What is it,
Mein kinder?"

(Suspicious squint.)
"What's a MATTER?
You sound like You're in a
bad MOOD?"

"Never,
My child."

(Suspicous smirk.)
"Aw!
Come on!
NEVER?"

[GENTLE SMILE!]
"Not where My
precious children,
are concerned."

(Thoughtful squint.)
"Anyhow......
now, I forget what
I was kvetching about."

[SMILE!]
[CHUCKLE!]

(Sneeze.)
(Sip some cold rootbeer.)*
(Wipe runny nose.)
(Spoon some Walmart rainbow-sherbet
from the box.)
(Sneeze.)
"Yeah, Lord!
What was that 50 dollar
FLU SHOT FOR?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[LISTEN TO A BEAUTIFUL
CHOIR OF CHURCH MEMBERS
SINGING DURING AN EVENING
WORSHIP SERVICE IN SOUTH
TEXAS.]

(Cranky glance up at ceiling.)
"Hey, LORD?
Are You LISTENING to ME?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes,
My beloved.
Always."

"WELL?
What ABOUT IT?"

"What is that,
My precious."

"The 50 BUCKS!
THE 50 BUCKS!"
(Stare, open-germy-mouthed
at the ceiling.)
"Where ARE You,
ANYWAY?"

"Right Here,
My beloved."

(Cranky, sneezy glare.)
"WELL?
What about IT?
That worthless FLU SHOT?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Things of this world
are not perfect,
My beloved."

(Sneeze!)
(Grab for some more tissues.)
(Sneeze again.)
(Cough [but not the really bad
kind, just a scrapey cough].)
(Cough again.)
(Snort.)
(Spoon some more melting
sherbet.)
(Sneeze into the sherbet
box [okay because author
is single - thank the Lord].)
"Well, why don't You
DO SOMETHING?"

[PATIENT GAZE.]
"And, what is that,
My precious."

"First of all;
how come I'm 52 and 1/2,
and still getting COLDS?
Shouldn't I have gone
through all the COLD VIRUSES,
by NOW?"

"No,
Mein kinder**."

"Why NOT?"

"Cuz."

"What kind'a ANSWER
is THAT?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[LISTEN TO A BEAUTIFUL
SOLO BEING SUNG IN THE
SAME EVENING CHURCH
SERVICE.]
[GAZE BACK AT CRANKY,
SNEEZY CHILD ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF TOWN.]
[REMEMBER HER CRANKY
ANCESTORS WHILE WANDERING
AROUND THE DESERT BETWEEN
CANA AND EGYPT.]
"I love you,
My child."

(Kvetchy frown.)
(Cough.)
(Blow loudly into Walmart tissue.)
(Sniff.)
(Raspy voice.)
"I love You, too,
Lord."

[GENTLE NOD.]
[TENDER VOICE.]
"That's what's important,
child.
That is what is most
important."
************************
And there was a
woman
who had had a flow
of blood for twelve years,
and who
had suffered much
under
many
physicians,
and had spent
all that she had,
and was no better
but rather
grew worse.
[Mark 5:25-26]
___________________
*Author knows about the
tea-drinking, when one has
a headcold; but, all it does
is make her run to the
bathroom. Even,
the herbal stuff.
**Rhymes with 'in'.
To say it with a
Yiddish accent, hold
your nose, and then
say it.
Author keeps forgetting
that most folk reading
this stuff, weren't raised
with Yiddish.



If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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