I looked out of the window. It was pitch dark...and then suddenly, a loud flash of lightening...loud enough to make my hair stand at end!! But I sat there, motionless; on my bed...I was not scared of anything any more...not even this lightening!!...it was too much of an effort to move anyways!!...
A span of 36hrs brought in enough change! I had seen death from so close! I wasn’t scared any longer--of anything!!...where 36 hrs back I was running away...from everything and everyone....why?? Because I was 'scared'!! Oh! I was scared alright!!...I was trembling with fear...so much so I had no control of the steering wheel anymore....it seemed to take over and go the way it wanted; because I’m sure I was not courageous enough to drive off the bridge!
The car went straight into the water with a huge splash, I remember, and hit the water bed…I began to smile realizing how lucky I am to be alive even when I don’t know how to swim! Someone saved me…I don’t know who though; I thought I was dead and someone was taking me up for my final judgment…so I was too scared to see who saved me…but I know it was a man…I don’t expect a woman to be so muscular! Well, bless his soul!
I was back home now! He left me home when I was still unconscious…and the first thing I got when I came around was a tight, stunning slap from my mother! Why? Because I was running away…from her and every other being that I ever knew! They all hated me and wanted me dead!! But my mother is such a good actress!! She sits here crying after slapping me so hard!
It began a few years back…When I overheard my mother tell my father that she was pregnant…there was a 2 minutes silence and then daddy swept her off her feet and screamed for joy!! I was 13 then…and it seemed like my parents did not need me anymore!! I wasn’t enough happiness and joy for them! They needed another baby…they hated me all of sudden... And I hated them!!
But I didn’t say a word!! Oh, I knew better than that! I knew that if I opened my mouth in revolt; they would kill me! I didn’t want to die then! I told you I was very scared!! They would catch me, slit my throat and hold on to each other and smile while they watched me choke on my own blood!! What a horrible, horrible death to have!! So I shut my little mouth and died a million deaths within when my baby sister finally took my place in my family, my world!
She was so cute. Her hair curled slightly and made her look like a little doll! Mamma says she has such nice eyes; they sparkle with joy and excitement…and they do sparkle with excitement…Excitement of seeing me pushed further off in the background while she gets all the attention! I saw that wicked, evil glint in her eye!! She can fool my parents but she can’t fool me!
But then, they all are on one side…I’m the odd one out here; so it’s only natural for them to find faults in me! They call me clumsy and calamity and even a curse at times. They don’t care whether I have a stomach ache or my head hurts…I was old enough to take care of my self, it seems…If so why weren’t they letting go of me? Why couldn’t they just tell me they didn’t need me anymore and tell me to fend for myself from now on?
I know why. Society would never see them as good parents. They would be ridiculed and shunned for treating their elder daughter so mercilessly. So they kept me in their home, fed me, checked my homework from time to time, celebrated my birthday dutifully every year (it was never as big a bash as it would be for the little one though)…at times, when they were in the mood, they would also take me shopping and treat me really well—as if it were an obligation of some sort.
But I didn’t care much. I used to love going to school because I got to be away from such a depressing environment. I loved my friends and teachers and my studies!! But soon that changed as well…My teachers seemed to have ‘ganged up’ with my parents! No matter how much I studied and tried doing well; they would never give me good grades!!
My teachers complained that I was not participative enough in class activities and that I was not paying attention in class. They all expressed this fake concern as to why I was lagging behind when at one point I used to be a bright student! The worst was happening; my parents were slowly getting everyone on their side! I was getting lonelier as time went by.
My friends!! Even my friends were leaving me. They said I was crazy, an attention seeker who wants people to believe her bizarre stories!! They stopped informing me about the times they met; they stopped calling me and would not pick up whenever I tried calling them.
I say, what wrong have I done to be treated like this?! Why is everyone against me all of a sudden? My own parents!! They haven’t spared anyone! Everyone hates me and that scared me! I used to have bad dreams that I get up at night for a glass of water and I see my parents, sister, teachers, friends, and neighbors all planning and plotting on how to ‘smoothly’ get me out of the way! I get up, wet in perspiration, trembling uncontrollably.
But I’m not scared now. Ill fight back; won’t give anyone a chance to get rid of me. Ill make them pay for all the hurt they have caused me! For all those sleepless nights I’ve spent, crying and cursing myself for being born to such parents! For all those occasions when I’ve felt inferior to my own younger sister! For all those moments I’ve prayed earnestly to live and see the next day! They will pay! I will make them!!
Hannah Carson’s story:
My child is sick. She’s delusional. And I, her mother, never realized it until a few days back. I’ve been a bad, bad mother to my baby. I’ve hated her and wondered where I went wrong in her upbringing. Not even once did I try understanding that my little girl was having a serious problem; that she was imagining things that did not exist and that were not true!
My Bethany was loved by all—friends, family; her teachers were very fond of her too! They said she was a very bright young girl with great potential! Stefanie, my younger daughter, always wanted to grow up and be Bethany: she was Stef’s role model! But now, every one fears my child. They don’t want to know this girl who they were do fond of anymore. They say she’s dangerous! They say they will end up like her father only if they stick around!... What happened to her father, you ask?................she killed him.
Bethany was a normal child. She was play-full and naughty, did well in school and very very talkative. But when I told her I was pregnant, she didn’t look happy enough. I thought she was just feeling weird because she was a teenager then and was pampered a lot; so she probably felt that our attention would get divided…Which it did. But it never meant that we didn’t love Bethany anymore!
She began staying aloof. Always seemed happiest when she was by herself and Gary and I never found anything wrong with being self absorbed. Then her grades began falling, and her friends spoke of how “weird” she had gotten! We tried to find out what the problem was; but, it seemed like Bethany had built a shell around her and refused to tell us what was wrong. She seemed scared at times. I always tried asking her if anything was bothering her in school or had someone said something to her. But she always moved away without saying a thing.
Gary thought of even taking her to a therapist; but we abandoned the thought when she began acting rather normal again. But she began to do so after a disturbing event. One night as we all slept, Stefanie came running into our room and woke us up. She was scared. She said Beth was talking in her sleep and was making weird sounds as if she were drowning. We all rushed into Beth’s room to find her on the floor kicking her hands and legs and gasping for air! Gary threw water on her face to calm her but she wouldn’t come around. He tried holding her and we saw that she was slowly calming down; so he carried her back to the bed.
It took her a while to finally wake up. I had to slap her to wake her up for she was mumbling something about not being scared while she threw her hands and legs around again. We asked her what had happened and she said it was just a bad dream. She was normal for the rest of the day—ate well, spoke to us (something she hardly did), helped Stefanie finish her homework. We were happy to have the real Bethany back! She was her old self again! Gary and I loved her so much, we had such dreams for her! We didn’t bother taking her to a therapist then-she seemed so normal and so herself again!!
But in her heart she was planning it seems. A huge plot of how to get rid of us!! My Bethany hated us…All that love was just for show! She didn’t want any of us anywhere close to her. My own baby hates me! She say’s she’s all along known our “plan” and now she won’t let us carry it out! I don’t have any idea what she is talking about! All I know is Gary is dead, she killed him!
I had gone to buy vegetables that day; she said she wanted to have stew—liked the way I made it. Stefanie was still at school for some extra work. Gary was home since he was not well. He was asleep when I left him; and when I came back……he was gone…….forever. Twenty two times he had been stabbed. She sat on the floor there looking at him, face smeared with blood. And when I entered the room, she sat there smiling; said I was next. I ran out of the room screaming and I knew she was behind me with that knife. I ran out of the house, but she did not care—it was like she was possessed of some sort!! But some neighbors managed to catch her and keep her down till the police came!
Today, I have not only lost my husband, but my elder daughter as well. Today onwards, she remains in the asylum under custody. Stefanie hates her and misses her father. I miss my husband too…He was my better half!! And I don’t hate Bethany! She’s my own flesh and blood, I could never hate her! But I’ve been a bad mother to her. And now, I’m paying for it every single day, with the pain of losing two people I loved so much, so dearly!
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