Faith
The Last Voice
By H. Jackson Hardy
I wouldn’t have guessed that the last voice I would hear would be His voice. Considering I had run from Him for such a long time, foolishly believing I could do all for myself, I certainly wasn’t expecting to hear what He had to say.
Oh, I had heard Him before, when I was much younger, something I wanted to attribute to a lack of real knowledge. But from the beginnings of my teen years throughout twenty five years of marriage and raising two children I remained apart from Him.
I had called His name many times, in fear, in anger, in desperation, but never for the right reasons. He answered, but my ears were not open to hear what He had to say. The mind numbing din of my life had silenced my ears from His voice, by choice.
Looking back with a new perspective I see today the people He caused to cross my path, but again I was transfixed on myself and those people were invisible to me. His Word came to me as such would a half remembered dream, fleetingly within my grasp only to be lost in confusion into the void. And I would feel an unsettling sense of loss.
Those instances where reality would bring me on a path tangent to His, briefly touching yet still unwilling to listen, I would ignore the comfort of His voice. I abandoned my responsibility to my children by not raising them as His children. I have reaped what was sown by that omission, children lost to me today.
Without Him in my daily life, the covenant made before Him so many years past was fractured. Although I can only account for myself, it took two of us to allow the fracture to rupture. I should have been a better steward of my responsibilities throughout the duration, by not doing so I exposed my weaknesses to the father of lies.
Oh, the destroyer of lives was overjoyed by my foolishness and continued to set before me the temptations that would become so many millstones guaranteed to weigh me down as I went forward in futility. I did make symbolic gestures along the way, half-hearted intentions so fleetingly short they deserve no mention.
And the pain grew.
That voice, there it was again, or was it … I was never sure I had really heard something at all. Doubt, another tool of the deceiver designed to do only one thing, expand the widening gap and further lessen the amplitude of the voice. The volume lessened as the pain intensified, eventually ceasing the most fleeting of sounds. His voice, I thought, was silenced forever.
When the pain became too great to handle my world imploded. I gave myself over to the pain and wallowed in it for nearly five years. This emotional and physical turmoil brought me to the brink of disaster. Even in the midst of the destruction when one last beacon of light came into my life, I gave it over to the pain of my separateness. I was done, I had no courage, I had no strength, and I was lost.
That voice, as I hurtled towards oblivion there was that voice again. I had called out in fear, but my intent was hollow. Now at breakneck speed, the deceiver was yearning to steal one more life away from His voice. My vision was dim, reality was a distant memory, and I hurtled on towards the disaster I was sure I deserved. The end came rushing towards me, a solid fixed point in time and space masquerading as a concrete impediment in my path to nothingness.
Then was heard the voice, clear, unwavering, loving, encouraging, encompassing, that voice so often ignored or not heard in the past burst forth in resounding tone to say “it does not end today, for I have work for you to do!” Instantly I did all within my power and ability to do to snatch my life back out of the void and listen for the voice. He had my attention now!
Six years have passed since that moment of clarity brought His voice to my ears.
I tenderly nurture the vine daily, finally harvesting the great bounty of fruit as is His promise. My beacon, a seven year old darling daughter who is the reflection of the Son’s light in my world, shines brightly on the path to be followed as He shows the Way, the Truth and the Light of this world.
I know now that the last voice I hear will say,
“Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
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