My hands constricted tighter around her neck squeezing off the air to her lungs. My eyes locked with hers, as all she was experiencing played out through hers. The obvious fear and desperation I witnessed fueled my resolve to strangle her. I actually was enjoying the rush! She appeared to have little fight left yet I was relentless in my determination to maintain control over her one last time as I choked the life out of my wife.
I had both of my hands clasped around his wrists, but just could not break his hold. Nearing the end of my struggle, barely hanging on, I agonized over what would happen to my children, being left with a man such as this. Would my young Son turn out like this too?
Who was she to even think she could leave me? I owned her, and to prove it I was not going to let anyone have her. Not her family, not our own children, not another man, no one, even if that meant me giving her up forever. At least this way, I am still calling the shots. At least this way, she would die still belonging to me.
I struggled for air, as the last of my strength was leaving. I was blaming myself for not doing something sooner to protect my children, while I still had the chance. Early on, the signs had been there but I just never acted. I had continued to stand by my initial belief that goodness did dwell within him. Later, the mental and physical abuse I endured proved the early signs right. So then my belief in his goodness changed to out right fear of what he would do to my kids and me if I were to upset him anymore than necessary. Now, I am paying for my mistakes. A woman cannot change a man like this, and to stay with him is a losing battle. As I felt my life begin to slip away, I prayed to God to take care of my children.
She now lay motionless, her hands falling from my wrists. Her now empty eyes still wide open. A certain amount of personal pleasure came over me, as I witnessed her eyes become void of life. I mused at how in an instant the life left her eyes. She was there, and then she wasnít, and I did that. As I had tried to tell her all along, I am the one that held the power. I still owned her. I had owned her in life, and now I will forever own her in death. After all it was me that had taken breath from her.
As the spirit lifted from my body, I was surprised to still find myself conscious and aware of my surroundings. I tried desperately to enter back into the physical world and stay to continue fighting for my life. I had so much still to be done. I am not prepared to leave my young children. I wanted to be there for them and see them grow up. All I could do was hover above the scene and observe as my husbandís hands were still clasped around my throat.
Coming out of the rage I must have been in, gradually my fingers released their grip. I allowed myself to unlock my eyes from hers and I sat quietly by the woman I had married, and fathered children with, all the while slowly eyeing her motionless body from head to foot. A feeling of sadness came over me, as I realized she was gone. But she deserved it! It was bitter sweet, but something had to be done, so I took care of it. If she had only listened to me, everything would have been all right. She brought this upon herself.
The next thing I knew a brilliant light cast downward beckoning me to follow. Looking into the light I saw my Mother as well as others. They reached out to me, but I was resisting leaving and going with them. I wanted so much to stay. I hung onto the belief that God would see me through this. My spirit still hung in limbo as I watched my husband below.
Removing her necklace, I rose to my feet, took one last look, and walked away leaving her to rot where she lay. Getting into the car, I hung my souvenir from the rear view mirror, turned on the engine, and cranked up the volume to my favorite radio station. Taking an ice-cold beer from the cooler in the back seat, I pulled the tab and took a nice long swig. Putting the car in gear I drove off singing along with the tune playing on the radio. I was now free to have a fresh start at a new life, and find someone that would truly appreciate me.
I saw him drive away, as it began to rain. I observed the raindrops dancing upon my bodyís skin as I still floated above. Then in an instant the light vanished and I could no longer see myself lying on the pavement below. However, I could see raindrops falling out of the sky and feel them pelting my face. Upon the realization I was back in my body, I gasped for air. After catching my breath, I crawled to my purse lying a few feet away. Reaching for my cell phone, I dialed 911.