“Life is easy when you’re up on the mountain and you’ve got peace of mind like you’ve never known. But then things change and you’re down in the valley, Don’t lose faith child, you are never alone .” Those words come from the song “God on the Mountain” by Tracy Dartt (copyright 1988 Gaviota Music Inc.). How many of you are familiar with it?
The first time I heard this song was in the Holden mission, sang by Mrs. Sharon Penton, maybe ten or so years ago. Since the time I had heard it, I had kept it in my heart, wondering and dreading what kind of trial could tempt me to lose faith in God.
Little did I know my trial of faith was sitting beside me as I listened to that song. My little son Levi, who was at that time around four years old, was at the age of 10, diagnosed with a brain tumor.
In February 2005, Levi had his tumor removed and went through treatments until November 2005. The treatments were stopped because he was having too many side effects. He was doing very good, but in November he started losing arm movement, then ability to walk, and finally brain swelling and becoming unresponsive. To cut short the details, in January 2006 the doctors told us there was nothing they could do for him. He could stay at the hospital or go home. We chose to take him home.
On one of the days following, when I was sitting at his bedside, praying and believing God could heal him, my dad sat down beside me, and with a trembling voice said, “Don’t lose faith in God because of this”. What an odd feeling. Once again I was faced with the question of what kind of trial am I about to go through to tempt me to lose faith in God? I thought, surely the storm can’t get worse than watching my little boy lay there helplessly, knowing the pain he had been through, not knowing if he was still in pain, or if he was aware of anything at all .
Since the time Levi had been diagnosed, I had role played his funeral in my imagination, only to quickly shove that out of my mind, believing God was going to heal him. After all, Levi honored us, his parents, surely he would have a long life. We’d had an anointing service and prayed in faith asking God to heal him. I had even told people I believed Levi would be healed because of God’s promises for children that honored their parents, and of His word regarding the anointing service.
But then Levi died in February 2006. I watched him take his last breath. He was just a little child that loved and honored his mom and dad, God, and everybody he met.
Hour after hour, day after day, I searched the scriptures trying to find an answer. Why would God cut short Levi’s life? And what about all the prayers of Christians from one end of the world to the other? Was there no one that had faith? Was God’s ears closed to everyone? And why would the God of love have allowed Levi to suffer?
No matter how much I searched the scriptures , I could find no black and white answers. I only found that “God’s ways are unsearchable and that his ways and thoughts are above ours“
If you‘ve lost a loved one to death and are battling these questions, I want to encourage you not to shut yourself off from God because He won’t give you the answers. It may be difficult to have the strength, physical or spiritual, to even talk to Him. The important thing is to continue to have faith in God. Faith that he is the creator, faith that He does love you, and faith that He has a plan. I know this is easy to say, and on the other hand hard to accept, but God is still in control even we are hurting. Don’t let Satan devour you in your weakness caused by heartache, but let God’s strength be made perfect in your weakness. In our times of crying and lack of understanding, let’s keep telling ourselves, “Don’t lose faith in God”.
Oh what a touching and tender, yet very strong, statement of faith you have written here! I lost my young husband to cancer several years ago and I could just relive some of that pain as I read your account. Never did I expect to feel such a heavy load of grief, and I imagine that your loss is 10 times the load I carried. But it is true what you've written: God is faithful and He is the only One who can help us through these kinds of heart-wrenching losses. The heart never is whole again, but God, ever so gently, applies His balm and our hearts begin to heal. You'll not be without scars, but Oh! One day...we will both run to meet our loved ones again. Sending you heart-felt prayers.
This is so beautiful! I know what you went through. I also lost my daughter to a seizure disorder on 1/1/97. Faith in God is the ONLY way that a parent can get through the death of a child. God Bless You. The next time you see your child think about how good he would look. No pain or sorrow and no parting ever again! It seems forever before we see them again. Our children we be waiting for us at Heaven's gates.
Keep your faith up.
Your sharing in this article has touched many, even those who did not leave a comment. I find it comforting as I visualize loved ones gone before me, running in fields of green grass and beautiful flowers, having the time of their life in heaven. They have only moved to another planet (heaven) and we will see our loved ones again. God bless you for sharing with us.