The Layer of Self Loathing
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The Layer of Self-Loathing
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my motherís womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
While listening to my favorite Shawn Groves CD yesterday, I was driving my nephew to school. I dropped him off and then allowed my soul to soak up the lyrics. Shawn sings of Daddy God, his Abba Father. The Father who loves him enough to correct him when he does wrong, strong enough to hold him up when there isnít any strength left, patient enough to lead him when his heart wanders away from the truth.
The layers of self-hatred can be stripped away because God knew every inch of me before I even came into being. Precious time was taken as he sculpted me into a work of art that he is so pleased with. I hear his breath upon my ear, reminding me that He loved me first before anyone else. His gentle hands held me in the womb and smiled as each detail was added with the greatest care.
He whispers to me now as he cradles me in his arms. I am His and I am loved beyond measure. The self-hatred can flee because I am His treasured possession, His beloved. He knows every move I have ever made, ever will make, and continue to make. Even then, He loves me completely, endlessly, and selflessly. Even in my brokenness and disgrace, He is there. I canít hide from Him or run away from Him. He will follow me and continue to draw me to Himself. He cares that much.
His greatest desire is that I become one with Him. He longs to invade every corner of my subconscious until I no longer feel the need to run away from Him. He wants to be more than my creator. He wants to be my friend and my constant companion. Even more, He wants me to want those things as well.
Self-hatred can flee because I have an Abba Father, a Daddy who gave His life for me from beyond the dawn of time. I have always been in His thoughts and I have always been on His mind. I am His.
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Sherry, This ministered to me on the deepest levels. I deal with self loathing, discouragement etc. This was beautiful.