I cry to Thee
and Thou
dost not
answer me.
[Job 30:20]
************************
"Lord, do you GRADE
us on our PRAYERS?"
[SMILE.]
"Why do you
ask, My precious."
"Well.......
(Sigh.)
Because.....
(More sigh.)
I figure I'd get about
a C-, or a D+."
[CHUCKLE.]
"Yeah; that's
about what I used to
get in Hebrew school.
Oy vey...
THAT was some DISASTER,
WASN'T it?"
[CALM NOD.]
"What of it,
My precious."
"WELL?
Who CARES about HEBREW?
(Look up at ceiling.)
SO?
DO we?
Or, DON'T we?"
[SILENCE.]
"Cuz, I figure,
Ya know - what with
my ratio and all -
that's about what
my grades would be.
(Glance hopefully
up at ceiling vent.)
I mean....YA know:
if You GRADED us,
and all."
[PATIENT FROWN.]
"Ratio."
[RUMBLE OFF IN THE DISTANCE.]
"Yeah."
[FROWN.]
[SOFT RUMBLE.]
"Yeah;
Ya know what I
mean: for every
prayer I pray,
I get about 1/5 over,
like....500*
every TIME."
[BIG RUMBLE.]
(Puzzled frown.)
"Ya know what I mean!
(Clueless look up at ceiling fan.)
For every prayer I say,
You give me about 1% over
150.....or, maybe 5000!"
"Child, what is this about?"
(Another puzzled look.)
(Spoon some pineapple sherbet.)
"Huh?
Ya know, LORD!
My PRAYER life!
It STINKS!"
[SIGH.]
[PATIENT SILENCE.]
"YEAH!
Sure DOES!
I NEVER get what
I WANT!"
[FROWN.]
"Read My Word,
beloved."
"WHY?
(Thoughtful slurp of sherbet.)
Oh.
Ya mean, that part
about the Lord's PRAYER?"
[WISE NOD.]
"That would be a start,
My child."
"Yeah, but that's too
GENERAL, Lord.
(Sassy smile!)
Plus.....Ya know: that's
just for the CHRISTIANS!"
[BURST OUT LAUGHING.]
"WELL?
It IS!"
"I see."
[PATIENT SMILE.]
"Yeah!
How come Ya didn't
put it in the JEWISH PART?"
[CHUCKLE!]
"Which Part is that,
My beloved?"
"Eh......Ya know:
the part with all the
bees, and flies, and locusts,
and all."
[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Is that it,
Mein kinder?"
(Thoughtful squint.)
(Second pair of glasses
slip down, a little.)
"Well......sorta.
I mean, naturally,
there's some MORE."
(Get up to put plastic
container of sherbet
away. [When you're
single, you don't have
to worry about eatin'
fancy out of a bowl.
You also don't have to
worry about PLEASING
anybody else: that is,
except for the
Lord of the universe.])
(Clear throat.)
"But....Ya know:
that's about the
gist of it."
"I SEE."
"Yeah....well, I'm
glad SOMEBODY does!
Cuz, I DON'T!"
[AGGRAVATING SILENCE.]
"WELL?"
"Well what,
Mein kinder."
"So, what's my GRADE?"
"I AM."
(Kvetchy puzzled sigh.)
"What's THAT MEAN?"
"You will just have
to read My Word,
child."
(Kvetchy frown.)
"And, continue
to pray."
************************
Pray then like this:
Our Father
Who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be
Thy name,
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth
as it is
in Heaven....
[Matthew 5:9-13]
***************************
*The author was not a math
major in college. She flunked
her first test in Anthropology
101, because it was all about
math and genes. She still never
got that part about the blue
eyes and the brown eyes. It
doesn't really matter, since
she's, like, totally near-sighted.
Read more articles by Julie Michaelson or search for articles on the same topic or others.
Read NEWEST ARTICLES by Christian authors
Read MOST READ ARTICLES by Christian authors
Read our most read and highly acclaimed CHALLENGE CONTEST ARTICLES
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
|
