This really isn't a poem - but I wanted to post it here.
I was but a child when I was told about the Lord. My mother taught me about Him and taught me how pray the Lord's prayer. We didn't go to church and church was something I knew nothing about. Difficult circumstances led me to do what my mother taught me. I would pray constantly for comfort in times of distress. Distress that I prayed no other child would have to go through.
Not knowing too much about the Lord only the prayer I was taught - I would only seek him in times of distress. My distress was a daily thing - if it wasn't at home then it was at school and everyday brought a new fear. So everyday I would pray. I don't ever remember calling on the name Jesus just praying the Lords prayer in my room. No one knew when or that I was praying. As I got older I fell further away and my prayers became less and less. Desires of the world became my focus and I thought I had no need of Him as I became more independent. Life became increasingly hectic but I always found a new desire that would comfort me. Though short lived one desire always followed another. It wasn't long before my late teens arrived and so did drugs. Drugs became the center of my life from the moment I found them and no one ever knew, except those whom I would party with. It wasn't long though my parents found out and I left home to be with what gave me peace (or so it seemed). I would pray the Lords prayer but it was few and far between. I was living life for me.
Just to let you all know, the words your reading now are a spark, they will kindle a flame and the flame will become a raging fire. I'm placing myself right in the middle of it.
Back to the story - with my drug use continuing and going non-stop - my early thirties arrived. I had been through several jobs - one's most would love to have but I wasn't happy with them. I worked to do drugs and it all caught up with me. I hit bottom and I was sent away to live with my brother. Far away from all I thought were my friends. I cried before I left saying I was being sent away to die. My drug use didn't stop when I got there - in fact it got worse. Now I had all the time in the world to do drugs all day long and I did. But something was different - my prayers that were once few and far between became a daily thing again, but I didn't ever end them with, "I ask this in Jesus' name" - not yet. I also began writing and I remember the Psalm I wrote that I haven't shared and the day I wrote it and what I asked the Lord.
I wrote - "If I am not the warrior You sent into this world Father, then take me out of it." The demons I had - they heard what I asked and they did their best to do what I asked the Lord to do. I had been on speed and hadn't slept in two or three days that was topped off by a joint later in the day. Paranoia set in for the perfect recipe of death. The paranoia told me to leave the house and I did. I went wandering down a dirt road fighting the demons in my head. I was talking louder and louder the farther I went down the road - the more the war in my head raged on. It had just finished raining and the sun was out making it hot and steaming. The steam coming off the dirt road didn't help the war raging inside at all. One minute I was arguing out loud and the next I was praying calling out the name Jesus for the first time ever in my life as I looked up at the double rainbow overhead. I began overheating so I left a trail of clothes down the road until I had nothing on. NOTHING! Just naked me with two dogs following me that never left my side and Jesus whom I couldn't see but never left my side either. After three or four miles my overheated body collapsed on the side of the road. I didn't have water and the rainbow I saw overhead was now gone. Before falling to my knees like a mountain in a quake I let out an agonizing yell that made the birds fly away. My knees hit the ground first and then my face. My breathing was quick yet heavy and as I laid there with my eyes closed, I began to feel the stinging of ants all over my legs accompanied with the feeling of death approaching. Yes, death was approaching and I knew it. I pushed myself to far. Whats even sadder is - I heard cars go by but not one of them stopped. One came so close it felt like it went through me. I sealed my eyes tight saying, "Here it comes! Here it comes!" And death did come. The side of my face that was against the dirt began being pulled downward towards my neck. I had no control over it. There was no doubt I was having a stroke and there was no one around. I kept calling out, "Help me Jesus! Help me Jesus!"
The feeling of death that overcame me began fading and my face began being set back in place. That's the last thing I remember before waking up at night by my dog licking my face and a couple of ants still stinging me. I have no idea how I got turned over. I fell on my stomach but woke up on my back and in the clear night sky was a cloud the shape of an H real big. It took me a while to get up but I did and I began walking back to my brothers house down that dark dirt road. On the way I found my shorts and that's it. The road was very dark and I could hear all sorts of weird sounds - but for the first time in a very long time - I wasn't afraid because I knew Jesus was with me. This is my testimony of how I learned the name Jesus and no matter what I go through dark forces may hurt my body but they won't hurt my soul. And my sin might change my plans but they won't change the plans the Lord has for me. I'm being brought to a point where I will no longer be the one running. And I won't be the only one witnessing the power of asking in Jesus' name!
That is why, for Christ's sake. I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)
A very powerful testimony! I thought at the end, you would wake up in the hospital having someone helped. But you didn’t. You did not depend on any human beings to help you during one of the worse times of your life but Lord Jesus Himself. His Spirit pulled you up and walked back home with you. You have no idea what kind of strength and power of Spirit of the Lord you have gained on that day! Some may see it as why did you have to suffer like this or some may say, ‘How saddening! But the way I see it, Wow! What a soldier of Christ! I don’t think after this experience any power on earth, under the earth or heaven will be able to push you down or separate you from Christ Lord Jesus. God Bless You! Lord has very strong plan for you!
An amazing testimony. Sometimes i wonder why we have to go through these thing before we truly need God and call on Him. I myself have made many situations worse before i finally yeilded to Him. I am happy you are out of the torment of drugs and along with you i also give God the glory. God bless and keep you !