He Was Golden
If you want to wed, meet a nice guy in church,
'twas advice that my dear Father gave.
I went to a church and I saw a Greek god,
so golden, so handsome, so grave.
Membership class - very boring thought I,
but I saw him, his eyes were deep blue,
his hair was bright blonde, so gorgeous was he
I prayed that he noticed me too!
Wearing a suit much too large for his frame,
he looked a bit lost sitting there.
Love at first sight? My heart yearned to him,
and nary a ring did he wear!
He seemed to have not at all noticed me yet.
I began filling forms with a sigh.
Just moving a pen, but my thoughts were of Jim.
I tried, never once caught his eye.
Completing the papers I handed them in,
and thought soon to leave, my hope gone.
Composing my thoughts, I took stock of myself.
Was my hair in a mess, my makeup undone?
I opened my compact to peek back where he sat...
he was gone! And so sadly I got up to leave -
then someone stopped me, speaking my name:
"Here is someone I think you should meet".
Politely I turned, extending my hand,it was him!
Then he said as he clasped my hand warmly.
"I'm vice-pres of the single adults group here,
you must join us". His bright smile disarmed me.
For two months we dated at church outings only,
never kissed, but we joyed in each other.
Soon we had our first fight - such a horrible row
I was so shattered - I cried to my Mother.
Petulant both, we stayed apart for a year,
my heart totally empty, but prideful.
A year slowly snailed by, I couldn't date
because only of Jim was I mindful.
After a year a card finally came, signed
"You've gone much too far, miss you muchly!"
I picked up the 'phone, my heart beating fast,
and called my dear Jim, got quite gushy.
He was quite different, seemed deeper I thought -
he wanted me to meet his new friends.
'twas a Psychology group, the members so cold.
I sat there quite chilled, I prayed for its end.
The leader was icy, his eyes coal black stones,
anger therapy he taught pridefully.
He frightened and taunted me, questioned me so.
that from him I sought only to flee.
We dated awhile, but Jim's gold was now dulled.
And we still had not kissed. I asked why?
He said he respected me, that I did know -
but we'd only hold hands; he ne'er saw me cry.
Jim, hating my fear of the new friends he'd made
started doubting the love we did share.
Quarrels ensued. We parted once more.
This time two years went by; I still cared.
No one else that I dated was golden like Jim,
they were only such pale imitations.
I was now twenty-six and still loving him -
warts and all, with his sad limitations.
Professor of Comparitive Lit when we met,
Jim's IQ is one-eighty-three...
out driving, I saw him! A bag o'er his back,
toting mail in the sun grudgingly.
I screeched to a halt, out the window I yelled
out to Jim - he seemed eager, light-hearted
to see me smiling at him. He ran grinning to me,
affirming plans to renew what we'd started.
He stopped college two weeks from his Ph.d -
just quit teaching to displease his Mother.
I was so happy in love, to again with him be.
I overlooked that, tho' that really bothered.
He looked so tan and healthy, golden and fit,
but only outwardly so - inside he had died
to ambition, to life, but thank GOD not to me.
We talked, laughed, held hands and we cried.
He, still in that group, and I tried to fit in,
but nothing would better, I had to suppose.
Right after two months we fought once again.
Fear of us parting made Jim quickly propose.
Our wedding was simple - just a few folks,
we decided to inform his Mother much later.
She, in Costa Rica lived quite far from us.
Jealous, she wouldn't welcome a daughter.
Our wedding day was the day we first kissed!
I was breathless, still an eager young virgin.
Eight years older than me, so was my Jim!
We both entered our marriage very nervous.
Our wedding night brought me quite a surprise.
He thought I was scared and so let me sleep.
My pillow that morning was sodden from tears,
not just that night, but many nights I did weep.
He must have thought I was frightened of him,
over two and a half years I waited for love,
Was it me? Was it him? Was I ugly or fat?
It sure wasn't him - I felt he was golden.
The rejection I felt - I finally did let him see
my frustration, my anger, my terrible pain.
He begged my forgiveness, dried up my tears,
murmuring sweet promises all made in vain.
His Mother and Psych convinced him that I
was unable to help him fight tormenting dragons
that were clawing, and scorching so deep inside.
Couldn't reach him with all my sweet beggings.
I tried - how I tried to keep loving him so,
but he mentioned divorce to my horrified shame.
To his life and mine I was no longer needed,
and I, being me, took all of the blame.
The pills that I took rejected me too,
but somewhere down deep I truly did die.
Heartbroken, I left him for both of our sakes,
my heart was still his, he was golden - not I.
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This article touched me deeply. I could relate to a lot in it. I know about the coldness..it seems to come in barrels full in academic circles and maybe especially in psychology circles. Don't know why..just seems I encountered this too. Still, when you encounter the cold you sure appreciate when you find joy and warmth!! Well, I hope you are recovered now.