O how life is heavy seeking constant gratification
to my sinful nature and ways.
It comes and it goes, back and forth, back and forth,
like a seesaw or an ocean wave in constant movement.
Surely I am an object of wrath,
filled with a spirit not of You, but that which works in the disobedient.
My spiritual condition is of a heathen and a pagan.
I am sick with disease and no cure in sight.
Consumption in a raging fire seems to be my only destiny.
No matter how hard I try, I come back here,
Itís what Iíve been made into, but not by You.
Living like this makes my consciousness heavy too,
for I feel no worthiness in me.
My repentance has been nothing but a mere saying
seeping from my lips filled with good intentions,
but not backed up by actions Ė completely useless.
My polluted, perverse, and problematic character
surely cannot be predestined.
ďIn love he predestined us to be adopted as His sons
through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will.Ē (Ephesians 1:4-5)
My suffering is making me numb, numb to myself.
This part of my past is not wanting to shed and go away.
Make it go away gently, Father,
this isnít who I am supposed to be.
Though suffering surrounds me, I do still have hope,
because I do believe you make the impossible Ė possible.
You are my comfort in dark times,
soothing my wounds that donít seem to go away.
May their purpose be fulfilled, Father,
May Your will be done,
not by power, not by might, but by Your Spirit,
and may Your presence embrace all who call on Your name.
I ask this in Jesusí name,
Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty,
Who was, and is, and is to come
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