Have you ever found yourself in that space--that indescribable area that lies somewhere between your faith-what you know to be true-and that other space-that space where you are floundering and angry?
I find myself there often lately, but I am guilty of only the admission. Because I am angry at God. I am angry at my creator. I am angry at the one who makes the sun to shine on the just and the unjust, and I can't make the determination of where exactly I fall between those two categories.
I am not sure if we're allowed to be angry with our Father or not. Certainly, He already knows how I feel and what I'm thinking. I cringe at that, for my thoughts are not pure just now, if they ever are. I don't understand. I don't like the situations I continue to find myself in, situations that I would avoid at all costs if I could. Things are being laid upon my doorstep that I don't want to accept; indeed, I don't think I should have to. I didn't bring them about and my soul cries 'FOUL' against them. Yet, my sense of injustice does nothing to remedy the situation. I am only able to control me (and that only with grace). I cannot tell another, no matter who they are, how they are 'allowed' to go about their own life. I don't have that right. Only God has that. But when their poor choices intersect with mine, and knowing that I myself do not always make the right choice-when I do manage that task it is, again, only the grace of God that permits it, how then do I gracefully press on?
We know that all things work together for good for them that love God. This is a promise. This is a reminder.
This is the thread of hope to which I, and all of us, must cling to when things are so tumultuously crashing around us.
I cannot change my specific situation just now, for it would go against the promise and the commitment that I made to my Father long ago. I must remain within His will. Though I internally rail against Him, my hands are tied. If I don't honor my commitments, to Him, and to other people, then I effectively have tied His hands also. We are given free will, and the right to make our own choices in regards to Him, and our lives. I need Him here, with me, through all this.
So then, what to do with all this anger? It's not going anywhere. Not just yet. I know this, and God knows it too. You cannot hide from the One who loves you best, who knows you inside out.
Just as love, worship, and adoration and praise flow from our souls to the Most High, so also does anger, bitterness, and the deep sadness we all carry with us. I believe God welcomes all the things we present to Him. I believe His mighty hands stretch out to us in all things. There are times when it is right to be angry. It is never right to allow that anger to override His directions.
We have to direct our anger wisely. We cannot let our flighty human emotions cause us to stumble and fall out of His will.
As in all things, we must share our anger with God, even if it is He with whom we are most angry. Be angry. Shout. Stomp around. Cry. Yell. Complain.
But direct it wisely.
We must remember God's promise and cling to it as if our very lives depended upon it, for they do.
Somehow, though we can't see how because we are unable to see anything truly clearly while we are here, through the red hazy cloud of our anger, we must present ourselves to Him, admit our wrath, and trust that yes, even in this, He will make something beautiful out of it.
I cannot at the moment give you chapter and verse, but I know the Word tells us "be angry and sin not"....I have had many, many things in my life to be angry about but I never remember one time that I was angry with GOD about it. I just do not understand why anyone would get mad at GOD. He loves us so much and would never, never do anything to harm us.