Even though I was born into a Christian family, I was once not what you might call a practicing Christian. Right from my youth I hated going to church because I see church people as boring, weird and strange. In particular, I saw the tongue speaking born again Christians as hypocritical, judgmental and very boring people. I was a very skeptical person but even though I did not like going to church very much and was not overly enthusiastic about church people I have always believed that the universe is too complex for it to just become or exist out of a big bang. I believed there has to be a God or some kind of supreme power behind all that we see in life. I saw the universe as a huge building complex and in my opinion if people have to build the houses that we live in on earth it just did not make any sense to me that our universe that is so structurally complex can simply evolve out of nowhere. In my little believe in God I have always gone to him in my own little way as far back as I could remember mostly whenever I am in some kind of trouble or distress. Just like every human, I have had my own shares of troubles in life and the older I got the more complex they got and the more complex they got the more hopeless I was starting to feel about life in general.
Although I believed I was a Christian, I was not a regular churchgoer to begin with. I usually attend church only on New Year's Eve and this was mostly to satisfy my religious conscience for the rest of the year. The truth was my idea of Christianity was all to do with religion. I never saw God in the mind of relationship and because my Christian belief was all to do with religious observation, I equated my Christian service with church attendance. It came to a point when I felt I needed to serve God more and by that, I meant attend church more regularly. I felt the need to be a more regular churchgoer to satisfy more of my religious conscience and nothing further. My husband and I went shopping for a perfect shop however; there never seem to be one anywhere. We never stayed long in one church to truly become part of it and this was because we always end up finding one fault or the other with it. Just as we were about to give up that there is no perfect church for us, we found one that we decided to stay in.
Despite becoming regular churchgoers, I never once thought it necessary to give my life to Christ and this is mainly for the fact that I never saw God in mind of a relationship. However, at some stage when my problems became too much for me to handle, I plucked up the courage to answer the alter call but the truth of the matter was I did not answer the alter call with a heart or mind of entering a relationship with God through Christ. Instead, it was more for him to solve all of my world problems, which seems to be getting heavier on top of me day by day. When going to church regularly and indeed answering the alter call seems not to make any difference to our mounting problems my husband and I both decided there is no much point in church attendance so we stopped going to church altogether.
Things progressively got worse and by the year 2003, I knew in my mind that I had reached a breaking point. It was as if my life was at a standstill and nothing seems to be working. I became so depressed to the point of thinking of committing suicide and the more I deliberated on my life the more I felt trapped. The more trapped I felt the more it seems the only way out is to simply kill myself. I took up smoking and drinking years before and at this stage, I took a vengeful comfort in smoking and drinking. By the time I reached the month of September of that year, I had lost all hope and all I wanted to do most of the time was to be by myself and cry my eyes out. To make matter worse I felt no one is able to understand my feelings let alone help me. As a result, even though I carried on as if everything was perfect on the inside I walked around feeling I was already dead on the inside.
One night in the month of September, in mind of complete hopelessness I sought God in a way that I have never done before. Even though I have always regarded myself as a practicing Christians, I have no idea how to pray and as for the bible the only bit I was familiar with was Psalm 23. This very night in the month of September, I felt drowned in my emotions and frustrations and like never before I cried onto Jesus. I asked him to forgive me of my sins and the only way I could express myself in prayer was by shouting and screaming why me and for him to forgive me. I wept deeply and as I was doing all of this, I wondered if he was listening or looking at me. I told him I was confused and I needed to know my purpose in life in particular, why I have come to this world, where I come from and what happens after I leave this world. I also said that if he is really the Son of God he should please help me now by coming to my rescue because I am tired of life. I asked many questions such as why do bad things happen to people and why is life so ever increasingly difficult? Why is life so unfair and why does it look as if the wicked only prosper? Clearly at that point I thought I was only talking to myself but I later discovered that God was on that day listening to me.
The following day was a Sunday and since we have stopped going to church I decided to watch one of the Christian channels and to my surprise, the teaching at the station I chose to watch was about our purpose in life. At the end of the teaching, the preacher said that God is a God of purpose and also a God of promises. He said that we should look in the Bible to find God's promises for us and that his promises he always fulfils and that we should consider ourselves as partakers of his biblical promises and the fulfillment of them thereof. At the end of the program, I decided for the first time ever in my life to pick up my Bible from wherever it was usually under my pillow because of nightmares; to find this so called promises the preacher mentioned. However, I had a problem I did not know where to start. For some unexplained reasons, I decided to start from Genesis chapter one verses one. In my mind, I thought that if I could read a novel and finish it then I should be able to read the Bible to the end from the beginning. I had hoped that by the time I get to the end I should come across the many promises that the Preacher spoke about. To my amazement, all I read was Genesis chapter 1 verse I to 3 and by the time I got to verse 3 where it say and God said let there be light it was as if a veil was lifted off my eyes. I felt I could see something and I also felt more joyful and peacefully alive than ever before in my life for unexplainable reasons. I suddenly felt an irresistible urge to start writing and all I did for the rest of that day was write down what seemingly appears to be some summary Bible lesson on creation and God' purpose for our lives.
Soon after my September experience, my whole family resumed church attendance. However, unlike before when I simply attended church for the sake of attendance I found that I had a yearning desire to do something on a global scale for Godís sake. As such, I wanted to be active in one way or another to help people everywhere that might be going through similar experiences that I was going through previously. I was no longer comfortable being just a churchgoer as I felt I should be doing more to help people globally. However even though I had this desire to help people worldwide I had no real idea of how I could begin to reach people globally.
Although I felt as if something unexplainable has happened to me, I continued with my smoking and drinking as before until the month of January 2004. As usual, my family and I went for our New Year's Eve service but unlike the previous year, I had a good feeling about that year. Usually I have a long list of what I want from God mostly material things but that year I was not able to ask for any material. I was just happy to see that year and I had some kind of joy that I have never felt before. At the end of the church service, we went home with some friends for some drinking and smoking sessions and the following day I had a serious hangover. Following a speedy recovery, I tried having a cigarette but to my amazement, I was not able to. I also tried to have some of the remaining beer and just as I was not able to smoke, I found that I was also unable to consume any kind of alcohol. I stopped smoking and drinking from that day onwards and this for me is nothing short of a miracle.
After I had stopped drinking and smoking, I decided I was going to say little prayers every morning and I besides saying morning prayers I also felt the urge to read more of my Bible. Since I did not know how to find anything in the Bible, I will just open it and to my amazement, I always end up on a page or chapter full of God's promises.
One morning in February however, I did not just open as before instead for unexplained reasons I went to the Book of Acts Chapter 2. After I had finished reading it, I decided to say a little prayer before heading to work. As I opened my mouth to pray I started to cry instead and as I was crying, I was also singing and for some reasons I could not stop. Before I knew it, I started falling all over the place and in the end; I was flat out on the floor. When I finally got up from the floor, I opened my mouth and I started to speak in tongues. To my amazement, I understood all the words that I said and it was "Rejoice, today you have been fully delivered from the claws of Lucifer. Your heart was hardened and I had to circumcise it. Now in good circumcised heart you are totally free from all shackles and bondage. Woman thou are loosed and in total freedom go into the world and proclaim the good news".
When the interpretation of these words came to me, I could not curtail my joy. It was the most joyful day of my life and I could not help but jump up and down shouting ďI am free. Jesus is LordĒ repeatedly. I felt so light-hearted and from that day on, I started to hear this loving and kind voice and I soon realized this was God speaking to me. God told me soon after my speaking in tongue experience that my purpose in life is to proclaim the good news to all of mankind. I told him I have no expedience and he told me he knows that already and that all that I need to do is trust him and that he himself will teach me all that I need to know. God told me to step out in faith and start a ministry and to call it Freedom House meaning to be free in the house of dominion. Since the birth of our ministry, God has worked his wonders in our midst and today we have a Television ministry broadcasting from two satellite stations impacting peopleís life across the earth globe with the undiluted word of God. For more information about our ministry, television broadcast and to download for free Holy Spirit inspired free ebooks, please visit our webiste at http://www.freedom-house.org.uk.
My testimony does not end here, instead my testimony is a daily event and each day of my life, I give God all the glory for my life. My question for you today is have you ever wondered what testimony awaits you from God? Why not cry out to Jesus today and allow him to free you from darkness and place you in light of Godís glory. If God can use someone like me, he can certainly use you for the proclamation of his glory. God broke all of my shackles and through Christ Jesus I became born again and a new creature in Christ Jesus. Although I must say I have undergone immense trials and tribulations since finding God, understanding Godís love for me makes my trials and tribulations in this world to be so trivial. I always feel unexplainably joyful and through my daily conversations with God, I am daily inspired to forgive others that hurt me and love them regardless for Godís sake. Saving someone like me is evidence from God that he is a forgiving God and if God can forgive my horrible sins, I see no reason for not forgiving others no matter what they have done to me. I was a smoker, a heavy drinker and I was a woman totally confused about life but through Godís forgiveness, I am now a woman with God's mission and purpose established in my heart and God's mission is always possible mission. If you have the chance and opportunity to read this then know that God is calling you today for tomorrow might be to late and if you answer his calling from your heart today I guarantee you your life will never be the same again.
My closing payer for you.
I pray that whatsoever you are facing today that it leads you into an eternal life relationship with Christ and that in Christ you become a champion of hope with God's power to lead people from darkness to light all for Godís glory.