I sit down at my rickety typewriter pondering what keys I shall strike as I wait for the words that are buried within me to pour out onto the paper. I am ensnared by the shroud of uncertainty that has hung over the deepest confines of my soul. I want to write a letter to God and let him know what has been on my heart. I stretch once more, take a swig of day old coffee and begin to share my heart with The Lord.
I am unsure of how to begin, God and I have not been that close lately. I have not been praying like I used to, nor have I been reading scripture as much as I used to. I am tired and weary, in need of sleep I begin to close my eyes suseptible to the drone of the radio next to me.
Why am I having difficulty trying to share my heart with God? Is it because I consistently sin? Maybe. Yes I guess that's it. On second thought maybe the answer is not so cut and dry. The Lord already knows the nature of my heart. Maybe I have difficulty being honest with Him. I can't be honest with myself. Who am I kidding. I am a habitual liar. I have hurt my friends alienated my wife, disgraced my family. So there it is. By allowing myself to admit my dishonesty I am transforming my heart with truth. Ok, now I begin to think of my dilemma from a new perspective. I never thought to write to the Lord as a humble sinner. That's it! That is the problem I wanted to see myself as more than a sinner, as someone bigger. No, I thought, I am a sinner. We are all sinners. So I sat down to write the letter. This time the words gushed onto the page. I felt a sense of relief as I allowed my heart to open up to Him.
You know what has been lingering on my heart. I don't know why I do the things I do Father. I am trying to change, but I seem to stumble consistently. I hate who I am Lord. I am not the man you call on me to be. You taught me to love yet I am full of hate and rebuke. I chastise others but not myself. I am full of wickedness Lord. The truth hurts. I want to change my life, now at this moment. I want to feel your warm embrace and long for the glory of your kingdom. I accept your son Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior. I want to be saved. I fear it's too late for me. Is it?
I wait patiently for God to respond. My heart cries out for Him.
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Powerful anointed writing !Thank you for sharing your heart. Yes ,we all fail Him and sin. But His Mercies are New every morning; Great is His Faithfulness. It is never to late for God's Mercy and His Grace to enter into our Heart as we Live and Breath!
In Christ Jesus,Dee