Our little Llasa, Cookie, unwittingly gave me a powerful revelation this morning. She pawed at the bedspread to come up on the bed, like she has done every morning for years. When my husband gets up to get ready for work, she sees her opportunity to come and snuggle with "mommy" before the day begins.
She used to be able to jump up on the bed, but that was in her younger days and before we got a new bed. The new beds are so tall now, she just can't make that jump anymore.
Cookie is fifteen, which makes her quite old for a dog. Her once brown eyes are cloudy with cataracts now. She bumps into things. Her hearing is almost gone entirely. Sometimes we let her outside to "take care of business" and she just stands on the porch, looking around, for long stretches of time. It's like she is thinking: Hmmmmmmm.... why am I out here? Sometimes while she is eating, her legs will slide and splay out from under her. As we get older, things just don't work like they used to.
So this morning, when I heard the little pat, pat, pat of her paws, I leaned over the side of the bed to help her up. She was sitting with her nose almost touching the side of the bed, but all the way at the foot of the bed, at least four foot from where I reached down.
"Cookie, come up here, girl. Mommy will help you up."
She heard me, because she turned in the direction of my voice, but then immediately went back to monitoring her post at the end of the bed. This is where I need to be to get where I want to go, so I'm not moving.
The only problem was that she'd missed the mark by several feet. I called to her a couple more times. I clapped my hands together. Finally, I reached out and brushed my fingertip against her ear, and she jumped. I was able to reach my hand down to cup it around her head and guide her to me, so I could pick her up.
It's hard to watch her get old.
So what's the revelation, you may be wondering. As I watched Cookie settle herself right up against me, secure with her master, I thought of my walk with my Master.
I've been walking in God's kingdom for years now, getting old, so to speak. How many times am I "standing on the porch," wondering why I'm there? Do I still have the vision He gave me?
Am I rooted right where I am, unteachable, sure I have things right in my life? When in truth, I may be off the mark and unable to hear Him calling to me, clapping His hands to get my attention.
Will He have to reach out and physically grab hold of me to get me back to where I need to be? And if He does, what will that look like?
These questions gave me pause to think about my relationship with Him. Is it fresh and vibrant? Does it encourage others to seek and follow Him? Or has it grown old and stale, in need of revival?
I am reminded of the chorus to a song by Matt Redman that we sang in church Sunday.
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus