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What's New
by Joshua Janoski
For Sale
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“Thank you for calling Buttersoft. My name is Michael, how may I help you?”

Finally an answer! I sat on hold for almost an hour listening to Beethoven’s 5th Symphony while a voice kept reassuring me that “your call is important to us.” What do the unimportant customers have to go through?

“Pardon me, Sir. What did you say your name was again?”

“My name is Michael.”

That’s odd. I was sure this man was from India based upon his accent. I didn’t realize that Michael was a popular name there. I hope that I dialed the tech support number for the United States. Don’t get me wrong. I love the Indian culture. However, when it comes to technical help, I have a hard enough time understanding terms in plain English without adding a language barrier….

“How may I help you today?”

“I recently purchased a Buttersoft XL Elite computer, and yesterday the computer abruptly shut off and will not turn on now. My brother-in-law works on computers for a living, and he tested the power supply and verified that it is bad. He said that this machine uses a special power supply that I will need to get from the manufacturer. Since my computer is still under warranty, I wondered if you could send me a new one.”

“May I please have your 20 digit serial number found on the back of the computer’s case?”

“Hold on one moment….let me see here…here we go. The number is 23780056122378005612.”

“Ok. Let me make sure I have this correctly written down. Your serial number is 23780056122378005622?”

“No. It’s 23780056122378005612.”

“One moment please while I process your request. Is this machine registered to a Jane Hathaway?”

“No. My name is Dana Peterson.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I will need to speak with Jane since she is the registered owner of the computer.”

“But she isn’t the registered owner. I am! Are you sure you entered the correct serial number?”

“The number I have entered is 23780056122378005622. Is this correct?”

“No. As I mentioned before, the correct serial number is 23780056122378005612.”

“One moment please while I process the new serial number. There we go. You are Dana Peterson correct?”

“Yes, I am Dana.”

“How may I help you today, Mrs. Peterson?”

“As I mentioned before, I need a new power supply for my computer.”

“Ok. I am going to transfer you to our tech support department where they can better assist you with this. Please hold.”

Wonderful. More Beethoven and a whole lot more waiting. Yes, I know. My call is important to you. I’m about to fall asleep with the phone up to my ear…

“Thank you for calling Buttersoft Technical Support. My name is Shane, how may I help you?”

Shane? I could swear he’s from New Delhi and not New England. Time to tell my story again…

“I have a Buttersoft XL Elite computer that I just bought recently. The power supply went out on it, and I need a replacement.”

“Ok ma’am. I can assist you in troubleshooting this problem. First of all, will the computer turn on?”

“Um, no. I told you the power supply is dead. I just need you to order me the special one that fits into my case.”

“Alright. So your computer won’t turn on at all then? Have you checked to make sure that it is plugged in?”

“The power cord is plugged in…to a dead power supply. Are you reading these steps off a screen?”

“Let me transfer your call to another technician who can walk you through additional troubleshooting steps.”

“I don’t want to be transferred again! Please just send me the part I need…”

“Hold on one moment while I transfer your call.”

I want to scream right now! I hold for another 20 minutes. “Jacob” answers the phone, and he asks me to open up my computer. Against my better judgment, I spend an hour following his direction. He has me remove a bunch of parts from my machine in an attempt to get it to power up. Finally, I hear these dreaded words…

“Ma’am, can you please hold for a moment?”

I lay the phone down and let Beethoven play his heart out. I’ll just go to the local electronics store and buy a new machine. Much easier!

“Hello ma’am. I have determined that you need a new power supply. We will be sending one to you immediately. I just need your mailing address. Hello? Mrs. Peterson? Hello?”

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Member Comments
Member Date
Helen Dowd 31 Jul 2008
DUH! How familiar! I spent HOURS on the phone to "INDIA" from February to June of this year trying to get some sensible technical support. I won't go into all the steps. You just did. How well you have portrayed this scenario...Loved it!....Helen
Sunny Loomis  25 Jul 2008
Bingo! We all should be classical music experts by now. They use American names to be more accepted. Too bad they're usually of little help. Very nicely done.
Chely Roach 24 Jul 2008
Hilarious, Josh. But Beethoven would be too kind...too listenable. Lol. Great job, I can't wait to see your 1st pick.
Edmond Ng  24 Jul 2008
Josh, you have me laughing non stop! It's so funny! For the customer's sake, I hope the help line is toll free! So much for Beethoven, and by the way ... eh ... are you still there? Hello?
Lyn Churchyard 23 Jul 2008
Oh my, you have obviously written this from past experiences Josh. You have written the frustration perfectly - complete with Beethoven's 5th. Too funny.
Gerald Shuler  23 Jul 2008
Please hold while I write this comment... Hello? Hello? Great work, Josh. I look forward to seeing your other phone entry.
Lauryn Abbott 23 Jul 2008
Hehe... Boy, I think we've all felt like this before!


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