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Is Israel REALLY the size of New Jersey?
by Julie Michaelson
07/01/08
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"Lord, can I come HOME,
NOW?"

[SILENCE.]

"I'm so tired of this world,
I could SPIT."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"It's disgusting."

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Awful."

[PATIENT NOD.]

"Pitiful."

[PATIENT LISTENING.]

"The problem is, once you're
over 50, all the news is the
SAME, Ya KNOW?"

[NOD.]
"Yes, child."

"SO?
(Look up at air vent.)
Wha'd Ya SAY?
Can I come HOME?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Aw, come ON.....
PLEASE?"

[REPROVING NOD.]
"Child, Who am I?"

"I thought You were
my PARENT! At least,
that's what the CHRISTIANS
SAY! Blame THEM!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]

"WELL?
Hey, come ON!
I feel like I got dragged
to a stupid party, and
I'm just DYIN' 'ta LEAVE!"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"HEY! LORD!
(Smile!)
I MADE A PUN!
Did Ya GET IT?"
(Smile up at ceiling!)

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"Yes, child.
I got it. Now....."

(Interrupt.)
"Ech. It's disgusting.
If I hear one more stupid thing
about that stupid ELECTION......
I'm gonna SPIT."

[CHUCKLE.]

"Why don't they just
ELECT the guy, already,
and put us all out of
our MISERY?"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Go to sleep, little one."

"WHAT?
Am I BORING You, LORD?
(Kvetchy frown up at ceiling.)
Okay!
FORGET about it!
Just FORGET it!
I'm not TALKIN' to You,
anyMORE!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"Yes, My precious."

"And, none 'a that SWEET TALK!
(Point to puny shoulders.)
I'm JEWISH!
And, us Jews aren't USED 'ta
that kinda TALK from You,
LORD! So, FORGET it!"

[CHUCKLE!]

(Pull covers over scruffy head.)
(Pull covers back down.)
"And, ANOTHER thing!
How come You don't love
New JERSEY like You
do ISRAEL, LORD?
HUH?"

"Oy vey."

"YEAH!
Everybody's always sayin'
'ISRAEL?
It's so LITTLE!
It's like the size 'a
New JERSEY!'
Stuff like that!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes, child.
I know."

"WELL?
But.......I never HEAR
You talk about NEW JERSEY!
How COME?"

"Cuz, child:
I am the Lord."

(Smile!)
"Yeah.
Well......I mean,
New Jersey wasn't invented
yet - at least in the Old Testament.
(Eyes closing.)
I don't know if it's in the
New One, or not."

"Hm, hm.
(SMILE!)
Now....go to sleep."

"Okay, Lord.
(Turn over to go to sleep.)
Still......
(Yawn!)
I'd wish You'd mention
New JERSEY, ONCE in while!"

(PATIENT LOVING GAZE.)

(Eyes closing.)
"Ya STILL haven't told me whether
Jesus had any pets, or not...."

"Yes, precious.
I know."

(Eyes closed.)
"Night, Lord."

[GENTLE KISS.]
***********************



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