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Sex is Expensive
by Ayodeji Jeremiah
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In an article with the title “The Sacredness of Sex.” (Found in the book Communication, Sex and Money: The three most common obstacles that challenge relationships between men and women by Edwin Louis Cole) the writer writes and I quote “In this society filled with pornography on paper and screen, where lust is glorified, sex is cheap.” While in the short term this may be so, in the long run sex is definitely expensive. A lot of time once people hear the word sex, you are bound to get different reactions from different sets of people. These reactions are probably going to be based on the age groups of those involved. From a teenager, it’s going to be a giggle, from a young adult, it’s going to be a sheepish smile and from the oldies, a long subdued embarrassed silence. A lot of people may wonder, how is sex expensive?. In an addendum (the reading guide) to the Thomas Nelson’s Revised Standard Version of the Holy Bible (Second Edition, published 1972, page 18. What about Sex and Marriage?) The theologians write and I quote “Jesus and his disciples followed the strict Jewish tradition that limited sexual relations to marriage. In Jewish life generally men had little contact with women outside marriage. The Bible freely accepts sex as a gift of God, unlike some non-biblical religions that regard bodily existence as evil in itself. It provides rules for sex not to limit human happiness, but because in God’s design happiness and fulfilment in sexual activity involves commitment and consideration for other people. Sex can’t be just a matter of gratifying one person’s desires. Christians practise chastity out of love for God and other people, not just because they fear venereal disease or pregnancy out of wedlock. By putting sex within marriage, God also establishes a firm family unit in which children can be raised and in which couples can grow old sharing mutual love. God created the first woman because “it is not good that man should be alone.“ After Eve joined Adam the Bible said, “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh.” There are two balancing aspects of marriage: companionship and sexual fulfilment, the first making marriage possible and the second making it distinct from all other human relationships.”
Those words above written by a group of Bible scholars over 36 years ago are as true today as they were then because they are based on God’s word. Engaging in any act of sex outside marriage is a sin. Engaging in sex when single is called fornication. If indulged in with a member of the opposite sex other than one’s marriage partner, or with one who is in a covenant with another partner, it is called adultery. Sex between two people of the same sex is called homosexuality (if male) and lesbianism (if female). Sex with an animal is called bestiality. All of these are referred to as sin in the Bible (Romans 1: 24-28, 2 Sam.11: 2-12:24, 1 Cor. 6:18, 2 Sam.13: 1-39). Marriage nowadays is viewed by a lot of people as nothing but a problem and living together is a solution where a woman’s body is nothing more than to gratify a man’s lust. Sex is an issue that has ruined a lot of lives and a lot of homes. A lot of marriages start wrong, stay wrong and end wrong because a lot of couples (especially the male partners) do not understand that sex is sacred and expensive. The sacredness is based on Gen.2: 23-24 and the cost is based on the repercussions (spiritual, physical and emotional) if engaged in wrongly. The Bible passages above give an insight into some of these repercussions. Randy Alcorn in his book Sexual Temptations-: How Christian Workers Can Win The Battle lists other expensive costs of sex outside marriage as including the following:
• Dragging Christ’s reputation into the mud.
• Having to one day look Jesus in the face at the judgement seat and tell why I did it.
• Untold hurt to your husband or wife.
• Loss of your husband’s or wife’s respect and trust.
• The possibility of losing your wife and children forever.
• Hurt to and loss of credibility with your loved ones.
• Shame to your yourself and your family.
• Shame and hurt to the Church and to those you’ve led to Christ.
• An irretrievable loss of years of witnessing to our father.
• Bringing great pleasure to Satan, God’s enemy.
• Possibly contracting a sexually transmitted disease, passing on the disease to your partner, pregnancy (with its personal and financial implications, including a lifelong reminder of sin to you and your family)
While a lot of people cannot claim ignorance of these things, the society we are living in whose heroes are promiscuous, profane and pernicious has had a damning influence on the minds and thinking of a lot of people. It is no more a question of whether it is right but whether the society accepts it as being right. This year in one of the U.S. states, a referendum was held to determine whether partners of the same sexes (homosexuals and lesbians) should be allowed to have the same legal rights as heterosexual partners. That means if the referendum gets an overwhelmingly yes, homosexuals and lesbians in that particular U.S. state will be able to adopt children legally, file for divorce when they get tired of each other, enjoy social security benefits like other normal couples and sue others who discriminate against them in any form. A young 19 years old girl was reported recently to have had two cases of STD’s within a period of one year from two different boyfriends Another young lady (presumably a Catholic) in her mid to late twenties has as the contents of her bag a rosary, a Bible, a pack of cigarettes and a packet of condoms. Asked what she was doing with the packet of condoms, she replied “You can never know when one might come in handy”. The story was told recently of a wife who packed out of her matrimonial bedroom into the guestroom and refused to have anything to do with the husband as far as sex was concerned. This was simply because she had been treated twice for gonorrhoea which the husband had confessed to contracting outside and refused to inform the wife only to go ahead and sleep with the wife again knowing fully well the implications. That act while maybe cheap at the point it was being committed was definitely expensive in the long run. The media, which includes radio, TV, magazines, billboard etc, is the main stage upon which chastity is now paraded as being out of vogue or not being in place.
Sex is the sign of a covenant relationship between a man and a woman. The covenant is why God gave sex only to those who are married. Sex wasn’t made for lusting and getting. It was made for loving and giving. Sex was given, as an act of love, not lust. Lust is perverted love. Love desires to satisfy others, even at the expense of self. Lust desires to gratify self, even at the expense of others. Sex was made for giving. Love gives, lust gets. The joy of sex is knowing that you have entered into a holy, covenant relationship with the person you love and that God gladly has provided a joyous, exciting, physically pleasing act with which you seal your covenant. Each time you have sex with your wife or husband, you are once again saying with every fibre of your being that you love him or her. Sex with guilt is nothing near that at all but sex without guilt is the greatest pleasure man will ever know. Unfortunately even within the Church, things are not seen from this perspective. This is due to the fact that romance has been substituted for love and the Church too is now playing romantic roulette. Romance is a weak substitute for love. A lot of normally level headed men and women act irrationally when the issue of personal relationships comes up. A countless number of broken and bitter hearts can now be found within the Church and many Christian homes are being embarrassingly broken (Kathleen Dillard, Love vs. Romance … fact or fantasy? published in the Last Days Collection). Where romance is viewed as love, then sex is going to be viewed as being cheap. Excuses given by men that they want to know whether their fiancées are fertile before they make a commitment or to know if she is frigid are not tenable anymore once you are a Christian. Women now also give an excuse that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander, an excuse that is also not acceptable anymore once you are a Christian. In the midst of it all it is thrilling to see young men and women make decisions to come out of that culture and commit themselves to becoming champions for Christ. Sex is sacred to marriage and sex is for marriage. The whole human race began with a relationship (sanctioned by God) and for the time being it looks like it is going to continue that way.

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