My God, my friend, deep gratitude to you for your miraculous healing hand in my life. The mountainous five year battle with bulimia would have led me to death without your praying for me.
Obsession with food and the numbers on the scale distracted me from my true purpose in this world. It was easy to believe Satan’s lies. In my distorted mindset, God’s truth was far removed. I believed that my weight defined my worth, so being thin was vital.
Triggered by stress, bulimia diverted me from my pain. Whenever I purged, I released all tension and sadness from rejection, hatred from hurt, trauma from sexual abuse. My fix, the compulsion, controlled me instead of me controlling it. The cycle led to a dark, shameful and isolated life.
A wife and mother of one, I prayed for God to help me. The humiliation of the disease bound me to secrecy. It was my responsibility to get me out of the mess that I had created. I was going to die, and soon, if I didn’t get help.
“You have traveled through these mountains long enough. Turn north.”
One dark evening, I cried out to God. My Savior scooped me up and navigated me to turn “north” as stated in Deuteronomy 2:3. He carried me in His loving arms. His forgiveness comforted me. The next week I learned I was pregnant with my second son. Astonishing! He was a miracle that God sent in His perfect time. The bulimia had ceased my menstrual cycle and doctors’ had insisted that I’d never bear any more children. God discarded that theory.
Darkness, loneliness and fear vanished after He delivered me from the bondage of bulimia. My unborn miracle was a second stepping stone. The first was to admit I was powerless. It nudged me to care for myself and led me out of misery.
Through prayer and God’s Word, I learned that my value doesn’t come from the bathroom scale, but from Christ alone. He opened my eyes to what matters, living for Him. I was in search of God’s peace. I found it when I received His mercy. By ultimately recognizing that God is in control, the burden of seeking control within has lifted.
Through His Word, God showed me how important it was for me to take care of the body. In 1 Corinthians 6:19 (NCV) it says: You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies. Caring for my body means I honor God; He showed me that eating to live, not living to eat, falls under that category. Food is no longer my comfort; He is.
The lies that Satan tried to get me to believe vanished over time. God showed me in
1 Peter 5:8 (NCV) how destructive the enemy’s plan is and how I need to stand strong in my faith. “Control yourselves and be careful! The devil, your enemy, goes around like a roaring lion looking for someone to eat. Refuse to give in to him, by standing strong in your faith…..” My strength came from God, and only through Him, was I able to win the battle.
I believe the first step in breaking the cycle of bulimia is to surrender it to God. Allow Him to rescue you. Receive His mercy, love, grace and forgiveness. He gives so generously! Believe that He will deliver you from the bondage that the enemy has put in your path. He will deliver you! Don’t waste the free gift that God sent His Son for you to have. Psalm 40:1-3 (NCV)-“I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of destruction, out of the sticky mud. He stood me on a rock and made my feet steady. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God…..” and He will for you too, if you let Him.
Pressures from peers, family, and the media and lack of self-esteem are factors that lead to bulimia. In most cases, the mistreatment of food seeks to resolve underlying emotional issues. My prayer for those battling this disease is to never give up hope because, “God
can do anything.” Luke 1:37 As a gentleman, He waits for us to make the first move. Through suffering and healing, God’s glory will be shown in His perfect time.
Psalm 116:1-8 (NCV) - I love the Lord, because he listens to my prayers for help. He paid attention to me, so I will call to him for help as long as I live. The ropes of death bound me, and the fear of the grave took hold of me. I was troubled and sad. Then I called out the name of the Lord. I said, “Please, Lord, save me!” The Lord is kind and does what is right; our God is merciful. The Lord watches over the foolish; when I was helpless, he saved me. I said to myself, “Relax, because the Lord takes care of you.” Lord, you saved me from death. You stopped my eyes from crying; you kept me from being defeated.