Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Join Faith
Writers
Forum
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Get Our Daily Devotional             Win A Publishing Package             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!



 
Communication PLEASE ENCOURAGE THE AUTHOR BY COMMENTING

  LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE   SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE
  HIRE THIS WRITER
REPORT ARTICLE

 TRACK THIS AUTHOR ADD TO MY FAVORITES
corner
What's New
 
corner
 
Is it true You have a British accent, Lord?
by Julie Michaelson
05/29/08
For Sale
Author requests article critique


  Mail
 





The voice
of the Lord
is upon
the waters;
The God
of glory
thunders,
the Lord,
upon many waters.
[Psalm 29:3]
*********************
"Hey, LORD?"

"What is it,
My child?"

(Mouth agape.)
"Huh?
I thought You weren't
gonna be TALKIN' to me!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Why, precious one?"

(Squirm.)
"Well......first of all:
all that bad stuff I said
about You, tonight."

[NODDING.]

"I mean, it was stuff I
said about You, TO You.
(More Squirming.)
So, it wasn't like I was
gossiping, or anything."

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]
"No, My child!"

"Hey, LORD?
When are You gonna
lower these GAS PRICES?"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Who AM I, child?"

"Eh........I dunno.
(Frown.)
(Squint.)
When I was a little Jewish kid,
You were the One in the
Burning Bush.
(Thoughtful pause.)
And......You were the One
Who helped Charlton Heston
part the Red Sea."

[CHUCKLE.]
[NOD.]

"But, all these Christians
say You're, like, in
control of EVERYTHING!"

"Was I not then, child?"

"You mean: with CHARLTON
HESTON?
(Squint.)
Uh, uh.
I mean, the Rea Sea's not
in America! I figured You
were just in charge on the
other side of the Atlantic:
Ya know: like, in Egypt
and stuff."

[SMILE.]
"Ah.
I see."

"SO?
What about it, Lord?
Are Ya gonna fix the
GAS PRICES?"

[SILENCE.]

"I don't UNDERSTAND,
Lord! They SAY.......!"

"WHO says, child?"

"These CHRISTIANS!"

[NOD.]
"Ah.
[SMILE.]
And what are you,
My child?"

"A Northwest Philly JEW?"

[CHUCKLE!]

"You're skirting the
ISSUE, Lord!
Who CARES about what I am?
(Frown up at air vent.)
WELL?
What ABOUT it?"

[INDIGESTIVE SILENCE.]

"AW!
COME ON, LORD!
You GOTTA HELP!
These prices are
KILLIN' us!"

"Wait, child."

(Kvetchy frown.)
"Wait for WHAT?
NEW YEARS?"

[GENTLE NOD.]
"Perhaps, My child."

(Snort!)
"Well, HECK!
They say the price is gonna
be up to TEN DOLLARS,
by THEN!"

"WHO says, child?"

"Huh?
Eh......I dunno;
Ya know: those eh........
gas know-it-all guys.
(Smile!)
Not the Christians;
they don't know anymore
about the gas, than I DO.
(Laugh!)
Well....they know about GAS;
I guess You could say the
gas prices are GIVING us GAS?"

[PATIENT SMILE.]

"SO?
Who should I LISTEN to,
Lord?"

[LOVING GLANCE.]
"Listen to Me,
beloved."

(Kvetchy squint.)
(Whiney kvetchy voice.)
"Yeah; but.......LORD!
YOU'RE not on the
news, EVERYDAY!"

[CHUCKLE!]
"Oh?
I'm NOT?"

"Uh uh.
Hey, LORD?
Do You speak in a British
Voice? Or, in an
AMERICAN one?
(Glance up at ceiling.)
Cuz, everytime somebody's
speaking for You, they've
always got a BRITISH
accent!"

[LAUGH!]
"How do YOU hear Me,
child?"

"Eh.......
(Squinty pause.)
Eh.....well, sort of in
a Gruff, Sorta Gently
Sarcastic, Know-It-All,
Very Philadelphia-American
Accent."

[LAUGH!]

"WELL?
How come they always think
You gotta BRITISH voice?
I don't UNDERSTAND?"

"It is a mystery,
My precious.
[PATIENT SIGH.]
Go to bed."

(More whiney voice.)
"So.........LOOORRRD!
When are Ya gonna
lower the GAS PRICES?"

"Wait for Me, child."

"Wha'd'Ya MEAN, Lord?
I'm always tryin' to
catch UP to everybody!"

"Yes. I know, Mein kinder.
[PATIENT PAUSE.]
But, you're always way
ahead of Me.
[LOVING GLANCE.]
Slow down."

"Huh?
WHAT?"

"Just slow down,
My child.
And.....
wait for Me."
**********************
The voice
of the Lord
is powerful,
the voice
of the Lord
is full
of majesty.
[Psalm 29:4]








If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

Read more articles by Julie Michaelson or search for articles on the same topic or others.


Read More - Free Reprints, Main Site Articles, Most Read Articles or highly acclaimed Challenge Articles. Read Great New Release Christian Books for FREE in our Free Reads for Reviews Program. Christian writers can JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and help spread the Gospel.


The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.

Hire a Christian Writer, Christian Writer Wanted, Christian Writer Needed, Christian Content Needed
Find a Christian Editor, Hire a Christian Editor, Christian Editor, Find a Christian Writer
 
corner
Corner
This article has been read 292 times     < Previous | Next >


Member Comments
Member Date




TRUST JESUS TODAY









Free Audio Bible
500 Plus Languages
Faith Comes By Hearing.com