The voice
of the Lord
is upon
the waters;
The God
of glory
thunders,
the Lord,
upon many waters.
[Psalm 29:3]
*********************
"Hey, LORD?"
"What is it,
My child?"
(Mouth agape.)
"Huh?
I thought You weren't
gonna be TALKIN' to me!"
[PATIENT NOD.]
"Why, precious one?"
(Squirm.)
"Well......first of all:
all that bad stuff I said
about You, tonight."
[NODDING.]
"I mean, it was stuff I
said about You, TO You.
(More Squirming.)
So, it wasn't like I was
gossiping, or anything."
[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]
"No, My child!"
"Hey, LORD?
When are You gonna
lower these GAS PRICES?"
[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Who AM I, child?"
"Eh........I dunno.
(Frown.)
(Squint.)
When I was a little Jewish kid,
You were the One in the
Burning Bush.
(Thoughtful pause.)
And......You were the One
Who helped Charlton Heston
part the Red Sea."
[CHUCKLE.]
[NOD.]
"But, all these Christians
say You're, like, in
control of EVERYTHING!"
"Was I not then, child?"
"You mean: with CHARLTON
HESTON?
(Squint.)
Uh, uh.
I mean, the Rea Sea's not
in America! I figured You
were just in charge on the
other side of the Atlantic:
Ya know: like, in Egypt
and stuff."
[SMILE.]
"Ah.
I see."
"SO?
What about it, Lord?
Are Ya gonna fix the
GAS PRICES?"
[SILENCE.]
"I don't UNDERSTAND,
Lord! They SAY.......!"
"WHO says, child?"
"These CHRISTIANS!"
[NOD.]
"Ah.
[SMILE.]
And what are you,
My child?"
"A Northwest Philly JEW?"
[CHUCKLE!]
"You're skirting the
ISSUE, Lord!
Who CARES about what I am?
(Frown up at air vent.)
WELL?
What ABOUT it?"
[INDIGESTIVE SILENCE.]
"AW!
COME ON, LORD!
You GOTTA HELP!
These prices are
KILLIN' us!"
"Wait, child."
(Kvetchy frown.)
"Wait for WHAT?
NEW YEARS?"
[GENTLE NOD.]
"Perhaps, My child."
(Snort!)
"Well, HECK!
They say the price is gonna
be up to TEN DOLLARS,
by THEN!"
"WHO says, child?"
"Huh?
Eh......I dunno;
Ya know: those eh........
gas know-it-all guys.
(Smile!)
Not the Christians;
they don't know anymore
about the gas, than I DO.
(Laugh!)
Well....they know about GAS;
I guess You could say the
gas prices are GIVING us GAS?"
[PATIENT SMILE.]
"SO?
Who should I LISTEN to,
Lord?"
[LOVING GLANCE.]
"Listen to Me,
beloved."
(Kvetchy squint.)
(Whiney kvetchy voice.)
"Yeah; but.......LORD!
YOU'RE not on the
news, EVERYDAY!"
[CHUCKLE!]
"Oh?
I'm NOT?"
"Uh uh.
Hey, LORD?
Do You speak in a British
Voice? Or, in an
AMERICAN one?
(Glance up at ceiling.)
Cuz, everytime somebody's
speaking for You, they've
always got a BRITISH
accent!"
[LAUGH!]
"How do YOU hear Me,
child?"
"Eh.......
(Squinty pause.)
Eh.....well, sort of in
a Gruff, Sorta Gently
Sarcastic, Know-It-All,
Very Philadelphia-American
Accent."
[LAUGH!]
"WELL?
How come they always think
You gotta BRITISH voice?
I don't UNDERSTAND?"
"It is a mystery,
My precious.
[PATIENT SIGH.]
Go to bed."
(More whiney voice.)
"So.........LOOORRRD!
When are Ya gonna
lower the GAS PRICES?"
"Wait for Me, child."
"Wha'd'Ya MEAN, Lord?
I'm always tryin' to
catch UP to everybody!"
"Yes. I know, Mein kinder.
[PATIENT PAUSE.]
But, you're always way
ahead of Me.
[LOVING GLANCE.]
Slow down."
"Huh?
WHAT?"
"Just slow down,
My child.
And.....
wait for Me."
**********************
The voice
of the Lord
is powerful,
the voice
of the Lord
is full
of majesty.
[Psalm 29:4]
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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