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Jesus according to julie
by Julie Michaelson
05/26/08
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I am
the Light
of the
world.
[John 8:12]
***********************
"Lord Jesus?"

"Yes, child?"

"I don't really understand
You, that well."

"I know, My child."

"But......do Ya wanna hear
what I"ve learned, SO FAR?"

[SMILE.]
"Yes, child."
[PATIENT NOD.]
"Go on."

"Well......are Ya sittin' DOWN?
(Look up at the ceiling fan.)
Cuz, this is like a little story;
here goes:
(Smile up at ceiling.)

Once upon a time,
there lived a Real Big King.
He was Really Big, and
Mean....."

[PATIENT SIGH.]
[CHUCKLE.]
"Go on, My beloved."

"Well...........where WAS I?
(Squint.)
(Sip some bottled SAMS CLUB
sparkling strawberry flavored water.)
(Burp.)
Oh, yeah.
That's RIGHT!
He was BIG!
BIG and MEAN!"

[CHUCKLE!]
"Go on.
[SIGH!]
Go on,
My precious."

(Smile up at air vent.)
"Okay!
Well...........
One day, the Big (Mean) King
decided to make some planets.
At first, He was just gonna put some
vegetation, and plant stuff on
one of them....maybe a couple
dinosaurs........but, then after
a Thought, He decided 'What
the heck?', and tossed in a
couple of people.
His Original Idea was just to
keep them just in One Corner Garden:
sorta like one 'a those terraniums,
or....terreriums....You know what
I mean; they look like a big gold
fish bowl, but they're filled with
dirt 'n lil' cute plants,
and would make a great gift
for any 4 week old KITTEN?
Anyhow.....so it was a Just-the-
Right-Size-Garden-sorta-like-
the-parridge-dish-for-Goldie-Lox*.
All they had to do was mow the
Grass, and tend to the smaller,
and less bitey animals.
With such little to do,
how much trouble could
the two of them get into,
anyhow? The only no-no
He gave them was to stay
away from the Big Bad Tree,
out in the north 40.
But, lo and behold, wouldn't Ya
KNOW it: they did EXACTLY
what He asked them NOT to do!
So............."

[PATIENT SMILE.]
"Child?"

"HUH?
YEAH?
I mean:
YES, Lord JESUS?"

[CLEARING THROAT SOFTLY.]
"Why is this King of yours
persistantly being called 'Mean'?
[SMILE.]
I'm just curious,
My child."

"HUH?
Well.......EVERYBODY
knew He was MEAN!
THAT'S just a GIVEN!
(Frown up at air vent.)
(Shake head impatiently.)
It wouldn't even be a
STORY, without THAT!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
[SMILE.]
"Ah!
[NOD.]
I see!
Go on."

(Squint up at ceiling.)
"Are You gonna keep
INTERRUPTING like THIS,
Lord JESUS? I mean:
how am I GONNA FINISH?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"Go on,
My beloved."

"Well......
(Frown.)
(Squint irritably up at air vent.)
Well....anyhow: see, what happened
was this slimy, little snake
wandered in under the
Garden Fence. One of the
Mean King's angels was supposed
to have fixed the hole in the
Fence the day before, but
he was too plump and lazy,
and fell asleep under one
of the Friendlier Trees,
rather than
fixing the Fence hole, like
he was supposed to......"

"Child?"

"YEAH?"

[SMILE!]
"What hole was this,
little one?"

"HUH?
HEY!
It's MY story!
I CAN stick a HOLE
in it, if I WANT TO!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
[SIGH.]
"That is perfectly
sensible, little one.
[SMILE.]
"Go on, My precious."

(Frown!)
(Sip some more Strawberry Flavored
Sparkling SAMS Water.)
(Smaller burp.)
"ANYHOW!
Well.....
(Grimmace at water bottle.)
(Go and get bottle of A&W
outta the fridgerator.)
Yeah.....so,
There was this hole.......
yeah......so, the slimy snake
found its way underneath........
and, before Ya know it:
it wanted to have some
fun, causin' trouble,
and.....well: that's the End -
well, almost the end."

[LONG THOUGHTFUL PAUSE.]
"What does this have to
do with Me,
little one?"

"HUH?
Well, LORD JESUS!
Haven't You BEEN LISTENING?
Like I SAID!
The King was REALLY MEAN!"

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"WELL?
Don't Ya SEE?
(Squint up at dusty corner of ceiling.)
The King was really BIG and
NASTY!
NASTY!
NASTY 'n MEAN!
(Frown.)
(Shake head in consternation.)
First of all, He was in a really
Bad Mood, because that dopey
angel forgot to fix that HOLE!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Oy vey."

"YEAH!
PLUS!
Those two human people got
into a big mess 'a TROUBLE,
and ATE that darn FRUIT!
It was a Real MESS!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"Yes, child.
I can certainly
envision that."

"Darn tootin!
WELL!
I think the DINOSAURS were
okay.....but, those two human
people were FINISHED!
DONE FOR!
KAPUUT!
Ya know what I'm SAYIN'?"

[SOLEMN NOD.]
"Done for."

"YOU BET!
The King was so MAD,
that the two human people
had to LEAVE! Be GONE!
Like a couple ANTS - after
the Raid Can comes out -
SPLAT!"

[PATIENT SIGH.]
"Splat; yes."

"The thing is, the King
was Big, Mean 'n Grumpy
'ta START with......
but, NOW!
You can just IMAGINE!"

[THOUGHTFUL NOD.]
"I see;
and where do I come in, child?"

"Well, Lord JESUS!
The Big Mean KING
wouldn't have nothin' to
DO with these guys, now!
NOTHIN'!
NOTHIN'!
HEY!
As far as HE was concerned
they were just a buncha'
MINCEMEAT!"

[CHUCKLE.]
"Yes?"

"WELL?
Don'cha SEE?
SOMEBODY had to go
and get 'em!
And, bring 'em
back HOME!
Lettin' 'em
HIDE!
Hide behind behind
His Outstretched Hands!
Cuz, they couldn't
just saunter UP to
the Big, Nasty King,
by THEMSELVES!
SHAKIN' like a LEAF!
Uh-UH! NO!
It had to be Somebody,
like,
sorta, in FRONT of them!"

[SMILE!]
"And, Who was that,
child?"

"Why, it was the PRINCE!
See......the King WAS really
Mean and Nasty.....but......."

[NOD.]
"Yes, child?"

(Sigh impatiently.)
"He had a Handsome PRINCE!
A Sweet and Kind Hearted PRINCE!
(Exasperated sigh!)
And.....Lord JESUS:
that's YOU!
The END!"

[CHUCKLE.]
"Yes.
The End."
**************************
In Him
was life,
and the life
was the light
of men.
The Light
shines in the darkness,
and the darkness
has not
overcome it.
[John 1:4-5]


(Author's note: 'Goldie Lox'
is the Jewish version of
Goldie Locks.)






If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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