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“Hi, I called about touring your daycare” I said. “Yes, Denise, follow me” the director responded. I took a step forward and my 1-year old daughter clutched onto my fleece top. We began walking around the daycare, but each time I took a step I began to feel something happen within me. My feet felt heavy, my heart pounded and tears began to well up in my eyes. Suddenly, the voice of the director was replaced by my own thoughts. I smiled and continued with the tour, showing no appearance that anything was wrong. “What am I doing?” I thought. “How can I leave my child here while I pursue my own career?” I questioned myself. I began to hear cries of children resonate throughout the halls of the daycare. “I want my mommy!” a toddler shouted. My daughter grasped my neck and pulled closer. I swallowed and fought back my tears. “Thank you for your time, I will be in contact with you” I stated.
I walked out the door and placed my child in her car seat. I sat in the front seat and shut my door. The barrier around my heart ruptured and my emotions came flooding through. I had just finished seven years of college and celebrated my law school graduation the week before. I had finally accomplished my childhood dream of becoming an attorney and here I sat troubled about whether I wanted to become an attorney or stay-at-home mom. I tried to persuade myself that I could be a good attorney and mother, but to no avail. God had won the battle, of course, and it was clear to me that He was calling me to stay home and raise my child.
Although I felt peace in knowing what I was supposed to do, I dreaded calling my husband. My husband experienced the difficulty of my seven years of school with me. I had put off many nights, weekends and holidays for school and gave up a big part of my life. My husband sacrificed with me, both financially and emotionally, and this was finally our “big pay off.”
I prayed fervently and finally got the courage to call my husband and explain to him my decision. As I explained to my husband what God had put on my heart, he was stunned. He began to question whether I was making the right decision. His frustration was evident and he quickly asked for some time to think. We hung up the phone and I felt confused as to whether I was making the right decision. I began to implore God to intervene. After all, this was not just any decision; it regarded the fate of my precious child. In the midst of my spiritual deliberations, my cell phone rang and it was my husband. There was compassion in his voice and I knew something had changed. He informed me that if I wanted to stay home then he was going to support me. I was astounded. Tears of joy adorned my face. In awe, I looked up and thanked God for his faithfulness.
At the time, I was immersed in my achievements and my plans that I did not stop to pray about what God’s plans were for me. I was convinced that God did not want me to give up all that I had achieved. However, I now realize that God did not let me give up all I had achieved. Instead, He actually saved me from almost giving up my true achievement, motherhood. God humbled me and made me realize that through all of my achievements my greatest achievement, besides being a servant of Christ, is being a devoted wife and mother.
As the years passed, God graciously provided work for me to do from home. Since then, I have had two more beautiful children whom I cherish wholeheartedly. A few years ago, I received a part-time job as an attorney working three days a week. Since my husband is a firefighter, he stays home with the children while I work. Being that there is no need for daycare, I felt secure in this decision. However, once again I feel God tugging at my heart to return home. Just as a dog on a leash, I feel that I have extended too far from home with my part-time career. I feel God pulling me to come back home entirely and I will heed to His call.
It is tempting for us women to walk out the door and strive to become an important person in the world’s eyes. This is especially true, considering the greater opportunities for women in the workforce these days. However, nothing is as important as staying behind the door and remaining an important person in your child’s eyes.
There are many things in life to be proud of, but for me there is nothing greater than knowing Jesus Christ and being a devoted wife and mother.
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