Christian Living
I like - no, I love pancakes. All buttery, with syrup running down over the top of them. That first bite, mmmmm, all those flavors mingling in your mouth. Sorry, I drooled on the computer. And the bacon, can't forget the bacon! Scrambled eggs on the side and you have a breakfast that will last a good portion of the day. The smells of breakfast being cooked is enough to wake the soundest of sleepers. This article is not a breakfast critique, or about the importance of eating a good breakfast; it's about grace and mercy.
Grace is the flavor of forgiveness and mercy is its sweetness. In Luke 7:36-50, we have a good example of grace and mercy. Jesus came into the house of a Pharisee for dinner, when a woman of ill repute charges in and kisses Jesus's feet and anoints them with perfume. The Pharisee made a faux pas; he didn't kiss Jesus on the cheek nor anoint His head with oil. Jesus goes on to tell the story about two men; one owes a lot and one owes little, and both debts are forgiven. When the Pharisee is asked who will have gratitude, he answers, "the one who owes the most." Jesus then goes on to point out the error of the Pharisee, not kissing him nor anointing him. She, on the other hand, humbled herself before Jesus and was forgiven of her sins.
This is a great story. Vulnerable, she had nothing to give our Lord, except her humility. Jesus accepted it and gave her a new life, new hope, and new faith. I am sure we will see her in Heaven.
Many of us have experienced the rejoicing of forgiveness; felt mercy poured down on us, and have beheld His grace.
There's an animated t.v. commercial about quitting smoking. It shows a cartoon man who is walking up an incline, saying, "This time I'm gonna do it - quit smoking!!" Then he slides back down and proceeds to beat himself up, saying, "Aw-it's no use! I'm scum,... dirty rotten scum!!" To be honest, I'm that man.
No, I'm not a smoker, but I do have a problem with forgiving myself. You see, I can forgive others at the drop of a hat, but when it's me that I have to forgive, I can't let it go.
The other night at work was one of those instances. As a locomotive mover, you are in charge of a piece of machinery that is capable of producing anywhere between 2000-5000 horsepower . These engines weigh in at approximately 400,000 lbs., and they are very, very, unforgiving. The first rule in moving when three or more people are involved is, the train doesn't move till all persons are accounted for. The consist I was moving had some brakes applied. My supervisor went to release the brakes from the units that had them applied. My ground person gave me the high ball, which means proceed ahead, and since I couldn't see my supervisor, I stayed. We had heard at the beginning of the shift, that the Burlington Northern Santa Fe had a fatality the previous day. The engineer lost sight of the switchman, and ran over him with a string of cars. I couldn't see my boss, and I didn't want to be responsible for a death.
My ground man rebuked me loudly for not moving - "You could have killed someone, you're unsafe!!" Then it was like someone hit the play button on the tape recorder in my mind; you moron, idiot, stupid, you aren't worth living, untrustworthy, and the ever popular, dope. The "You could have killed someone" - which by the way, if I did kill someone, it would have been the first time a standing locomotive would have caused a fatality - was the loudest. It was so loud that when I prayed to my Lord to remove it, I couldn't say the prayer. I was wrapped up in hurt. I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't run far enough away, and I didn't understand either. I was safe, and I was getting rebuked because I was being safe, but the damage was done.
I don't know where those tapes come from. Surely, not from my parents or anybody else that had influence in my life. All I know is, when they do play, I end up feeling like a train ran over me. One day back when I was in my early twenties, I had a close friend who jokingly told me I would argue with Job on how to properly suffer - and I would win. It's hard to let ourselves off the hook. That's why I chose the story in the above paragraphs. Jesus didn't see her as scum, or any other term that demeaned her; she was probably feeling those feelings anyway. He saw her as someone that had value.
I think we all have trouble dealing with our forgiveness toward self. Yesterday at church, there was a drama depicting a young man who was dealing with self loathing. The scene enacted was that he had killed a twelve year old boy, and the parents of the twelve year old subsequently adopted him. Mercy and grace were bestowed upon the young man, yet, he was still having difficulties taking himself off the hook. Mercy and grace are offered to us for the sins in our past, but if we don't let go of it, it becomes a cut in our soul, and whenever we think of it, it's like pouring lemon juice on it. You're in so much pain, that sometimes it becomes a badge to wear to show the offender. It's no use though, because it never heals, and it festers, grows ugly, and when it is finally released, it takes no mercy and it slaughters everybody in range. That's why it's necessary to accept the mercy and grace our Father offers.
Feelings of weakness, self loathing, separation of self (wanting to run and hide), are all very real. I felt all of these the other night. What made me get over it was a song by the band, Third Day. It's entitled, Your Love Oh Lord(Psalm 36):
"I will lift my voice to worship You, my King,
I will find my strength in the shadows of Your wings"
Sometimes we see ourselves as less than what our Papa sees us. He sees us as sons and daughters. He sees us as princes and princesses. He sees we have value. He is willing to pour out His mercy, grace, and love on us, for it is the quencher to our arid souls, the sweetest tasting candy to our pallid tounge, and our strength when we are the weakest. Brothers and sisters, call upon our Papa when the adversary attacks, or when we beat ourselves up. He will probably serve up His famous pancakes.
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Last paragraph "call upon our Papa when when " 2 whens together.