by Allie Cordy
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique
here's a story I'm working on. this is all I've done so far....
scroll down to the index before you start reading. other wise it easily confuses you.
"despair, sorrow pain, of which all must bear
untill comes a maiden with pure light hair
in hand a bow of a magical blue
we wait and long for this prophesy to come true"
a girl with immense beauty sat against a tree, making arrows as she sang this prophesy. Her blond hair, almost a translucent white, was in a very complex style of many braids and piled high in front, while it was down at her waist in back. It was unnaturally smoothe and shiny, and all the girls who knew her were jealous, while all men were in love with her. At least a dozen men had asked for her hand, but she had turned them all down.
She was not yet 17, but had all the strength and power of a grown man. Both her parents had tragically died while she was but 4 years of age. It happened in the woods, supposedly by a bear. Her older brother, who is 10 years older then she, had raised her. He attempted to raise her as a normal girl, but she always preferred the life of a man. And so as a result, she trains as an archeress, and in certain matters, is looked up to as a man.
"Serenah! Oh, sorry. I didn't see you behind that tree. You need to come home. There's a guy who wishes to speak to us, you in particular. Katreen has been trying to keep him preoccupied. We had better go and relieve her." finished Serenah's brother, Edvard. He is know to every one as "Eddy" though. He laughed at his own words. His sister soon joined in. Sera gathered her things in a deer-skin bag, and took off running ahead of her brother. She always outran him.
He took off after her, smiling to himself. "If mother and papa could see her now," he thought to himself. "She sure is strong, both in body and mind. She has changed so much. Wearing breeches and a bow over her shoulder. I bet if- "Eddy! Are we going to the Crucifixion Festival tonight?" Serenah's question broke through his thoughts. "Uh, ye-es," came his distant voice.
The Crucifixion Festival was when all of Ahrem celebrated the death and resurrection of Yeshi, the Son of Honah. The death He died for the love of all men, human and non. It was always on the last day of Apriel, or April.
They arrived home red in the face and panting about ten minutes later. They laughed at each others pathetic looking faces, all puffed out and red. They went inside and greeted their guest. "Barinian? Bili? Is it truly you?! Squealed Sera. She ran up and they embraced. Eddy raised his eyebrows and smiled, but said nothing. Bili and Sera had been life long friends, always inseparable. Bili had left some months before, in seek of "higher education then these then these gruff Mountain people could ever give me." had been his exact words. He wished to become a blacksmith, like Eddy. But his parents wouldn't let him. their wishes were for him to become a pastor, a man of Honah. He had said that you could worship Honah anywhere, and turned and left before his parents could argue.
"What are you doing back in Ahrem?" questioned Sera. "Was the life of a man seeking a 'Higher Education' too much for you?" They all laughed at her mild jesting. "well, i found what i was looking for. I am a skilled blacksmith now. I am here to stay. But i came to bring news to you two," said Bili. "Oh?" said Sera as she played with her hunter-green tunic. "It has to do with your parents. I came across a wyll, a fortune-teller. She handed me a key, and told me bring it to you, Sera." He then handed her a heavy brass key. "I met up with Asarogin, the High mage of water, a few weeks ago." he continued. "He said the Blosinians, an extinct race of human-like mages, had built several porths, or portals as some call them, around in Ahrem. There is one by our capital, Trulinieth. By the woods. You have to use the key, Sera, to enter. Once you do, you will find find somehting of your mother's. I know not what. There will be someone to meet you there, and explain." he finished.
Sera looked at the key in her hand, and looked bewildered. Eddy also looked closely at it. Bili also gave her an ancient-looking map, which he said the wyll also gave him to give to her. She looked up at both of the men. "It looks like another adventure is about to begin," said she with a twinkle in her deep blue eyes.
Serenah: aka Sera. A 16 year old girl. The main character. More of a boy then a girl. An expert archeress and is an expert at fletching. When money is tight she sells arrows. No one can make them like she does. She adds a hint of droitch(magic) to them
Edvard: aka Eddy. Sera's older brother by 10 years. A High blacksmith and knows a little about all skills. Loves to hunt.
Barinian: aka Bili. Sera's life-long friend. Also a blacksmith. And also a so-so fisherman.
Yeshi: the Ahremian name for Jesus
Honah: pronounced Hoe-nay. The Ahremian name for God.
Ahrem: the main country in which most thing happens. looks like our Ireland. has a sea on the South-east and south border, and the rest of the borders are other countries. many names of cities and villages are based on Gaelic.
Asarogin: the last of Blosinian mages. a friend of all the main characters. has very very powerful droitch.
Blosinian: an extinct race of mages, looks like humans. no other race has as much droitch
Droitch: magic. pronoinced droy
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