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I ain't no saint, Lord
by Julie Michaelson
04/14/08
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...Giving thanks
to the Father,
Who has qualified us
to share in the
inheritance
of the saints
in light.
[Colossians 1:12]
***************************
"Lord, I was thinking of
resigning."

"From what, My precious."

"Huh?
Oh!
From being a CHRISTIAN!"

[NOD.]
"Why, My beloved."

"Cuz!"

[CHUCKLE.]

"No; REALLY, Lord!
I'm TIRED of it!
And, I only signed
on, just a short TIME
ago!"

[PATIENT NOD.]
"You make it sound like
a job, child."

"Well, ISN'T it?
When I was just plain
Jewish, I didn't have 'ta
be a SAINT! I really
liked it better, that way!"

[SIGH.]

"And frankly, with this
new Saints-Position, I'm not
gettin' paid, very much.
It's not even Minimum WAGE."

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]

"I mean, these other Saints
tell me the BENEFITS are good, but....."

"What benefits, child."

"Well......they say everybody
gets a condo - Ya know - up THERE."
(Point to ceiling.)

[LAUGH!]
"Where, My beloved:
on the roof?"

"Uh uh.
(More pointing.)
Up THERE."

"Ah.
[SMILE.]
I see."

"Yeah.....but, the thing is
I don't WANT a condo!
I'm really gonna need a ......"

"A farm,
little one?"

"YEAH!
YEAH, LORD!
....What with all the PETS
I've ever had.....plus,
that calf & zebra You
promised me...."

"When was that, child?"

"Don't Ya REMEMBER?"

[PATIENT SILENCE.]
[SIGH.]

"Anyhow, I'm never
gonna live up to this
'Saint' business, Lord.
Forget about it.
(Frown up at air vent.)
I mean, couldn't You
just fire me, like...
whenever?"

"That's up to you, My child."

(Oops!)
(Uh oh!)
(Oy!)
"HEY!
Ya know what I think Your
PROBLEM is, Lord?
(Big smile!)
You're WAY TOO STRICT!!"

"Yes, My beloved."

"Yeah! I mean, like...if we SNEEZE,
it's a SIN!"

[LONG SILENCE.]
"That all depends,
My precious."

"What d'Ya MEAN, Lord?"

"On.....
[ALL KNOWING NOD.]
....what you're doing, My child:
while you're sneezing."
******************************
When Christ
Who is our life
appears,
then you also
will appear
with Him
in glory.
[Colossians 3:4]




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