Hi! I’m Faith, one of the operators here at Divine Communications. If you’re like me, life just seems to get busier and busier. With all the demands on a person’s time, it’s easy to find ourselves with too much to do and no time to do it. But we don’t want to ignore the important things in life…like prayer. How many times have you found yourself with a long list of needs but simply no time to present them? Well, no pun intended but…your prayers have been answered!
Introducing the Automated Prayer Line! Yes, with just the touch of a button, your petitions can be on their way…and so can you! Simply dial our toll-free number and follow the instructions: press 1 for forgiveness, press 2 for healing, press 3 for guidance and so on. Yes, it really is that easy! Within moments you will receive a confirmation number letting you know that your prayer was successfully submitted. That’s all there is to it!
How much would you pay for a service of this importance with so much convenience? Probably less than you’d think. We offer two customized plans; you choose the one that’s right for you. For occasional users, there’s our “Pay as you Pray” plan which offers low per-minute rates with no minimum call time. More regular petitioners can upgrade to APL Platinum, which includes unlimited use for only $39.95 per month. Whichever plan you choose, you can be assured that your prayers are going exactly where they belong!
But that’s not all! If you act now, we’ll include two bonuses absolutely free! Hope, why don’t you tell us about them?
HOPE:
Thanks, Faith! If you call within the next 20 minutes, we’ll include a free trial membership to our exciting new service, the Prophecy Hotline! If you’ve ever had difficulty hearing from God and just need a more audible voice, this is what you’ve been looking for. Our professional prophecy associates are available 24 hours a day for when you need them most!
Whether it’s declaration, confirmation or just a little accommodation, we’re here for you. Remember, at Prophecy Hotline, we name it, you claim it! Charity, tell them what else they can receive!
CHARITY:
I sure will, Hope! If you call now, you’ll also receive this (holds up report) exclusive report, “Creative Tithing: What Every Christian Should Know”. This report contains little-known information you don’t want to be without. For instance, did you know that if you only attend church part time, you may qualify for a reduced tithe rate as low as 5.9%? Think of the savings! But that’s just the beginning. There’s much more, all contained in this valuable report. This exciting information can be yours, but only if you order now!
FAITH:
So, what are you waiting for? Our operators are standing by! Simply call toll-free,
1-800-PRAY-APL and have your Visa or MasterCard ready. Remember, that’s
1-800- P-R-A-Y-A-P-L. Call now!
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Both amusing and sobering. You have done a great job using hyperbole to point out how lazy we can be about prayer. Perhaps you are also commenting on how dangerously close we are at times to incorporating worldly ways in to spiritual/church life. Great read.
