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Jonah wears a Shamu T Shirt
by Julie Michaelson
03/20/08
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What no eye has seen,
nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man
conceived,
what God has prepared
for those who love Him.
[1 Corinthians 2:9]
**************************
"I don't believe in Heaven,
Lord."

[PATIENT SILENCE.]

"Well, at least the way people
talk about it; it sounds way
too PERFECT, You know?"

"Tell Me, child."

"Well......knowing what Earth is
like......"

"It's not Earth, child."

"Yeah; but, YOU made
it, DIDN'T You?"

[NOD.]
"Yes, My precious.
I did."

"That's what I mean, Lord.
I'm sorry, but I over
half century now, and I
must say I'm pretty
disappointed in the
whole thing."

"What, child?"

"Earth."

[NOD.]
"Well, that's really not
true, Lord; the Grand Canyon,
and Niagra Falls were pretty
neat, but......that's about it."

[CHUCKLE.]
"And, My seas,
child?"

"Hm......I like the New Jersey
coast. I've been to Hawaii,
the Riviera, and Spain;
but.....the Eastern U.S. shoreline
is just more....REAL.
There's like, this BRINY
smell there;
Ya know what I MEAN?"

"Yes, My beloved."

"Anyhow, getting back to
Heaven: I don't expect
that much, Lord."

[NOD.]
"I see, My precious."

"Well, I'm sorry, LORD!
But, Ya know: what with
SATURN losing its RINGS!
And, PLUTO just turning
out to be a DWARF planet!
(Sigh.)
It's just all very disappointing,
You KNOW?"

"Yes, My beloved."

"The other problem I have,
is: what about all the people
from all these different CENTURIES?"

[SMILE!]
"How so, child?"

"Well.......take all those
guys from the Old Testament;
how are they gonna get
along with us from the
21st CENTURY? It just
doesn't make any SENSE!"

[LAUGH!]

"WELL? What d'Ya DO
about THAT?"

"It is a Mystery,
My precious one."

(Squint.)
(Frown.)
"I don't get it;
I just can't picture
Jonah wearing torn jeans,
a Shamu the Whale T-shirt,
and carrying an a cup of
Starbucks' Decaf.
(Deep squint.)
The problem is,
once he gets a look at
us guys from - Ya know -
the 1970's, 80's,
90's, and whatever;
he's not gonna want to
keep wearing those long,
dirty ROBES, IS he?"

[BURST OUT LAUGHING!]

"I'm SERIOUS, Lord!
But, I don't think You've
thought this whole thing out.
Like......if we've from ONE
century, do we live, like,
on a different LEVEL?"

"Which level is that,
child?"

"I DUNNO!
I thought You had, like,
THOUGHT all this stuff,
OUT!"

"This is all a Mystery,
My child."

"Is that why You're takin'
so long, in coming BACK,
Lord? You're still
tryin' to figure all this,
OUT? It's a pretty big
venture: I gotta admit.
Walt DISNEY didn't
have this big of a Theme Park!"

[WIPES HIS EYES FROM
TEARS of LAUGHTER.]
"Oh, My little one!"

"And, what about MOSES?
Ya know what's gonna happen,
Lord: everybody from the
20th century is gonna show up,
and say:

'HEY, dude!
You sure don't
look like the real
Charlton HESTON!
How come you're not
tall, and handsome?
What HAPPENED?'

Poor GUY! I sort'a feel
SORRY for him. First,
he had to put up with all
those kvetching Israelites
in that hot desert -
and he didn't even get to
the Promised Land,
'cuz of that Water-in-
the-Rock-Incident, and
then 2,000 years later
some weird-lookin' guys
show up and make FACES
at him!
(Thoughtful squint.)
Maybe, You should move
him over to the other side,
Lord."

[CHUCKLE!]
"The other side of WHAT,
child?"

"I DUNNO;
maybe, to the OTHER
side of the Promised Land!"

"But, there is no other
side, child."

"NO?"

"Hm, hm.
There's just My Side."
****************************
And the Lord
appointed a great fish
to swallow up Jonah.
[Jonah 1:17]










If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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