by Kristen Hester
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique
This is for a mini challenge. The instructions were:
1. Write two ultra-short stories (no more than 75 words each)
2. They should be completely different in mood, tone, genre
3. Each should BEGIN with this sentence:
Megan stared at the stain, horrified.
For Better or Worse
Megan stared at the stain, horrified. She pulled her sweater across her full breasts and tried to ignore the crying baby at the next table. Who brings a baby to an elegant restaurant?
She hoped the dim lighting camouflaged the circles under her eyes. She wanted her husband to see her as the vibrant woman he’d married, not the lactating, sleep-deprived mother she’d become.
“You’ve never been more beautiful,” her husband said with perfect timing.
Death Do Us Part
Megan stared at the stain, horrified. She clutched her stomach as the red liquid oozed from her, saturating her hands and dripping to the floor. Her legs collapsed beneath her as she looked with wide eyes at the one she’d pledged her love to. Her betrayer stood arrogantly above her, still holding the smoking revolver.
“Why?” she managed as life left her body.
“Why does anyone do anything?” he said smugly to himself. “Money.”
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Neat and creative idea to contrast two wholly different husband types as well as differing genres. Both were very sensory making me feel as if I were experiencing the one Megan's discomfort and the other's pain and horror. Great writing for both stories, Kristen.
The first one - oh, the pain ... literally! ;) The second - I sooo loved it! Great stuff Kristen.
I like the first one but I really really like the second...a powerful mini story in just a few lines. Good writing!
Oh Kristen, I loved these! I've been there on the first one--you brought back memories I wanted to forget! ROFL Very good writing on the second. :D
Kristen, you have slam dunked this! The first story, how well I can relate to it! The second, scary, good but scary! Well done!
Wonderful writing, I could picture the fellow in the second story so vividly in my mind. However, (maybe this comes from being a Pastor and a prison guard) I couldn’t help but wonder if the couple in the second story wasn’t the same couple as in the first story, just several years later.
Kristen, you were very successful in creating different moods. The first had me laughing; The second gave me a sinking feeling in my own stomach.
Kristen - these are SO clever - I love that the titles "go together" too, yet are so different. Great job :)
Kristen--AWESOME! These just blew me away (and I can relate to the first one, totally. NOT the second one, thank God!) I teach in a high school, and the home ec teacher sometimes has the kids carry around these fake "babies". They're equipped with a computer chip to cry randomly, and they sound VERY realistic. My good friend was nursing a child and teaching part-time when one of the fake babies stared crying in her class. You can guess what happened, I'm sure. We still laugh about that.
I can't say I have any experience with either of these, but I can say I enjoyed reading them. You said a lot in so few words. These are great.
You packed a wallop in both articles and the contrast is startling. There is certainly power in the use and placement of words.
Wow...these are both awesome. The first one could be a sampling of my life from last year. LOL.
Good job on both entries. The first one still has me smiling.
Great job with both styles of writing. I like how you were able to unify them with the overall title and the individual titles.
The first one just made me chukle. I had thought about "baby stains" but this was cleverly done. The contrast between these two is amazing. Great job.