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As I Sit Tonite
by M S Austin-Campo
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As I sit here tonite I can hear the wind howling outside. It's cold in here. I imagine the temperature has dropped as the weather has stated it would. I am hoping no ice in the morning. At the moment, only front brakes. As I take my fifteen year old daughter to school, well, I guess I could use travel mercies.

My family is going through quite a lot right now. Much of what we have is being lost. Still yet, more to come.

At the same time, everyone's schedule is crazy. He works odd hours, as he drives a truck. My work hours are pretty regular, but transporting my daughter to school and to or from her dad's, and all the things God has us doing, plus an added eight month old grandson from another daughter much of the time now- whew!
I'm only forty-three but I think it must be in dog years!

I realize that none of this is probably of much interest to anyone out there. Therefore, if you have stumbled upon this, I humbly apologize.

I don't mind losing "things". Nice things are nice to have, but in the end that's all they are. Often things get in the way of our relationship with God, therefore, we all might be better off with a little less. I know though, that isn't really what is going on here.

I don't even mind losing houses, . . . and all appearances would say that is close. No, it has always been the things of the heart that matter, the relationships, and though it took a number of years- my relationship with God.

I really did not need the wind tonite to recognize that we are in the middle of a great storm. I will however give praise to God at how He has kept me, well all of us going.

In our case, I think some financial mistakes. I believe with my heart they were not ones my husband ever in a million years meant to happen. Still, we do reap what is sown, the Word plainly says so. In addition to that though, I believe somewhere deep inside that God has purpose for this outside of that. Somewhere deep within me I just feel as if there is more to what is quickly "seeming" like a very woeful tale.

"Positioning" is the word that comes to mind. "Positioning".-

Seems there are seasons. There are seasons that God seems much more vocal, and others that He is quieter. I have spoken before that I do not do nearly as well in the quiet ones.

When I came back to God He was speaking volumes. Everywhere I went I was seeing Him move. He did some just downright miraculous things for me over and over again. -Things that cannot be explained otherwise.

Later, I seemed to be put in a "box". It was after being kicked to the curb by my then fiance, and before Jay came. My mother was also alive but doing very poorly.

I remember at that time I tried all I knew to do to "do" something, . . . to no avail. & It was as if the Lord ended up saying, "No, right now you will just be here" and then prompted me to study and show myself improved. & For those months I read and prayed and spent night after night and day after day just dwelling. Though my schedule has picked up immensely, I still do those things.

Later, well, I guess I realized that was an incubator type time, not because I was a babe, but it definitely was a growing time. Still today it amazes me how much He grew me in that time!

The storm is raging. It is all around. The actual physical and circumstantial things are, but also in the spiritual. If I were the old me, I would be terrified right now. I probably would fall or at least "sit down". It almost seems as if I sense things about me much of the time. *Trust me, I KNOW that sounds weird. That's okay though.

The thing is, now I can't. I can't sit down. He has brought me too far. He did not save me for no reason. He could have left me in a backslidden state and have been done with it. Yet, He didn't.

I really don't know what my "future" is here on earth. It could be wonderful, . . . could be devastating. All I know is either way, He is my God. & He still sits on the throne. I will love Him and serve Him until the day I die here, and then in the hereafter.

There are so many out there just like me. There are so many that have never known Him. He grieves for his lost sheep. He wants for none to perish, yet He knows some will.

He loved me when I didn't love myself, when no one else should have either. He reached into a pit of despair that I cannot bring adequate words to. Then on top of it all, He gave me purpose.

Flesh still rails sometimes, but not nearly as often. I guess we all contend with it from time to time if we're honest. Oh, and the enemy, who by the way, IS real- has been poking, poking, poking.

Though the storm rages though, and the One that means more to me than anything is a little quieter than I might "like"---- I still will trust Him. I still will praise Him. I will still testify of His greatness right in the middle of all the bleakness and chaos.

He is the Alpha and Omega. He is the Strong Tower. He is the one and only God. He is the Way Maker where there are no ways!

However, as much as humanly one might like to . . . I am not asking to be "saved" from our troubles. I am asking for His direction and His strength to stand in the face of it all.

So, in this, the end of this writing, I would just appeal for prayers for these things. I would also ask that you praise Him because of Who He is. Praise Him for Him, for yourself and for me.

& Lord, thank you for our lives. Thank You for salvation. Thank You for Your great mercy, which has been immeasurable. Thank You for fellow co-workers in the Body. Give us all strength Lord to do whatever it is You would have us do. You are awesome Lord! In the Name of Jesus- Amen.

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Member Comments
Member Date
David F. Palmieri Sr. 01 Feb 2008
I awoke at 1:38 AM with that "unsettled feeling." I prayed for "whatever" the unknown need was...eventually I was drawn to your article by the title...I believe you have been in my prayers...yes, your article can use a little polish, but your hearts story got through...thank you for sharing...I believe your story will touch many lives...Remember Proverbs 3: 5-6..."In ALL thy ways acknowledge HIM"...
Deborah Porter  30 Jan 2008

Oh my! I am so glad I DID stumble on this tonight. You really are going through so much, and I am definitely joining my prayers with yours for God to provide the strength to face whatever comes your way, and the grace to meet your every need.

As you've marked this as wanting critique, I will say that it does need a bit of tightening throughout to help the flow and make sure the reader can connect all the dots. It read more like a blog post, where the reader is familiar with you, your family, your circumstances and your background.

Even so, my heart is with you and your family in this time of hardship. It seems that in the midst of it all, you've managed to retain your sense of humor, as the comment about "dog years" shows (I actually had a chuckle over that). With a bit of editing, I believe this piece could minister to many going through similar circumstances.

With love (and prayers), Deb (Editor, FaithWriters' Magazine and Challenge Coordinator)


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