The phone call made my stomach drop. The pre-cancerous cells in the test were very high and I needed surgery to remove them. Iím not sure what shocked me more; the phone call or the feelings the call invoked. Iíve been a Christian for many years. Why was I so afraid? Did that mean I had no faith?
As I not so patiently had to wait for a month to get the surgery over with, my mind went in many directions Ė and mostly to thoughts of my family. My husband does not share my faith, and I canít tell you how many times over the past years that Iíve prayed for the Lord to either allow me to live until my son graduated, or bring my husband to the place where he could take over the spiritual leadership in the household. And I wondered now what His answer to that prayer would be.
This story has a happy ending in that the doctor said the biopsy showed ďclear edgesĒ so she believed Iíd be fine and just had to have those follow-up appointments through the coming year. However, the month of waiting for that surgery was a lesson from the Lord in strengthening my faith. And most importantly, I feel this experience was a gift from the Lord. I will now be able to better understand the fear that others feel in this kind of experience and will be able to better encourage them.
Where was my faith? It was right where I left it. It was ok to be afraid and for this independent person to become vulnerable and seek support. I was used to being strong and helping others, and never wanting encouragement and support for myself. Maybe that is what the Lord also wanted to teach me. I learned to be humble and that I really was vulnerable and shouldn't be so independent.
If you are going through a time of the unknown and fear because you are waiting for surgery for an illness, I encourage you to use this time to accept the things the Lord will be teaching you. Keep seeking the Lord and pray. Also, itís important to allow people to minister to you right now. Itís ok to be afraid. I learned itís what I did with that fear that was important. God loves you and wants you to lean on Him now. Itís time to "let go now, and let God" during this time.
Psalm 6:2 Have mercy on me and be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am weak (faint and withered away); O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled.